The Fear

[fallen_endings]

So I haven't updated in awhile, I know. Lost the internet and just lost the interest. Seems to be pointless to really update this thing anymore, but yeah....whatever. So life lately...eh, don't really know. Sometimes, I could really less really. So I've been thinking about this whole happiness thing...is it really ever possible, again? I was happy

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The Fear-is always unkown

[tiggxxx1968]

Living in the "Gray" world.Where have all the colors gone?Have they all been swept away with my happiness?I feel that I stumble blindly through time.There is no day...there is no night.Searching,always searching, for that,which...I cannot find.I wonder...sometimes through my maze...if maybe, somehow happiness belongs to ALL of the colors.Am I searching for the colors to find happiness?Or perhaps maybe, I am in search of happiness to find the colors.If it is the colors I should find first.Will they be in the form of a rainbow with my happiness at the end?If I find happiness first,will it somehow bring the colors back into my life?................This was my personal thinking as a teen.I learned though,that niether never really disappeared.They were always there the whole time.I just chose to hide them subconsciously.Never knowing day by day what was going to happen scared me.I wanted to know.NEEDED to know.But that was not something I could possess.So I ran from it.It was easier being miserable than it was to be "happy".I could control my misery.I couldn't control "happiness".Somehow though,be that it was just time or other circumstances, I came to realize I HAD to allow some color into my life whether or not it scared me.I treated each day and object as a stepping stone.If it felt secure.I stayed on it.If it felt like it was slipping down beneath the earth to consume me,I jumped to another stone.Learning that even though they "seemed" secure....to always look ahead, just that one more step if I had to.Just to know it was there made the happiness creep back into me.I also learned that each stone held its own bargain for remaining on it.Some were good...others were bad.But knowing I had the choice to leap ahead gave me hope.And from every stone that passed under me...I learned a lesson from.And at some point in my life, I just knew deep inside that all of those stepping stones would eventually lead to solid ground.A ground with color.A ground with happiness.Because, since it was always there with me...I felt I could once again.... set it free...................I went through ALOT of those stepping stones.And yes,Found my solid ground.I set my happiness free and put the color back into my life.It may not always be the shade I want.But the one nice thing about colors are.....you can always blend them to what you WOULD like.As a Teen we live in the gray running from the color.............as an ADULT.....we run away from the gray and try to smother it in color...............................................I'm proud of you Bits for knowing you are responsible for your own choices.Most kids today don't understand that.I will not harp on you for the choices you make with your life.But will let you know that I will be here for you if you ever come to realize they may have been the wrong ones.I never had anyone there for me.I was on my own.And surprised ...like you...that I am even here this very day to say so.Whatever the choice's you make in your life.....ask yourself.....will I ever look back on this and smile?Or will I regret it?............As for your Dad.He will ALWAYS shelter you.Because he love's you.Not just through your teenage years.But FOREVER.It's not something we do to irritate our kids.We do it because we were already in your shoes once.We know the pain.We know the hurt.We are instinctive to protect.I Love You *333