fade away

[fallen_endings]

hmm...this weekend was pretty much a blur. i remember some...but definitely not all of it. friday-i rode the bus home with mindy. we talked about sam and her obsession with the christian boy, lol. we got to her house and left after a little while to get stuff for the party. we should've left clint at the house...or at least left him in one of the stores, but yeah. we got pizza and me and mindy picked out the drinks for the party (smirnoff triple black, mike's hard lemonade, skky blue, vodka, and mindy's jd) and clint got his hot damn for his "party" on saturday. we got back and sam and sarah were already there and had waited for 2 hours and just got done writing mindy a threat note saying that they were leaving. awe...they missed the party. joel, pat, and steve were already there too...and not long after that cody, travis, and ridge got there (well at least i think that's how it went-i don't remember). they helped us put everything by the pond and opened everything up as soon as they were done. so yeah...most of us had a buzz within a half hour, with the exception of mindy, lol. zac and pat showed up, and then amber and jimmy. by this time i was definitely buzzed so i knew what went on...just maybe not in the order they happened :) but yeah...at some point more people came-adam, anna and her boyfriend...and if there was anyone else, i don't remember them :) we all got pretty drunk...some more than others ;) haha. me and mindy handcuffed ourselves to each other...for some reason. but i think we were better off...at least we both had someone to lean on...and if we were gonna fall, we weren't falling alone, lol. we managed to break the handcuffs during one of our many falls, haha. most of us smoked some weed that anna and her boyfriend brought. it definitely wasn't the best...actually it kinda sucked. but whatever. the party eventually got to the point where people were pissing other people off and they felt the need to be assholes to everyone else and destroy stuff (which was totally uncalled for). and at some point, pat decided he didn't want anyone smoking his weed so he hid in the bushes until his dad came and picked him up...mmk? no one had any idea where he was except for a couple people...but of course they didn't tell anyone else until later. anyway...a few people were being dumb and immature and wouldn't leave mindy alone...so me, mindy, zac, and pat decided to just chill in the van away from everyone else. although quite a few people followed us in the van and clam baked it...they eventually left. carrie got to the party after most of the alcohol was gone, but still somehow managed to get "drunk"...uh huh...yeah right. we're pretty sure she was faking. she left a couple hours later...but it took her like ten minutes just to get out of the driveway. the four of us stayed in the van while everyone else was in the house doing whatever. we somehow managed to fit four people on the backseat of the van (we definitely should've laid the other way). van conversations: "bunnies"-classic ;) lol...me: "ok, someone has cold feet." pat: "oh sorry, that's me.", me: "who's arm is this?!" pat: "mine.", me: "ok! i feel fingers...who's fingers are rubbing me?!" pat: "sorry. me again."...haha, yup...that's pretty much what went on. we all pretty much molested each other...but it was mostly pat's fault ;) haha.--saturday-i have no idea what time we all woke up...but i think it was sometime around 8:30-9:00. pretty early...too early. we stayed in the van for awhile...making fun of ourselves for friday night...but definitely spent most of our time picking on zac about twitching in his sleep, lol. we eventually wandered out of the van at some point and went into the house where everyone else was. we went upstairs where they were playing with the fog machine...it was pretty foggy in there. eventually everyone went downstairs but mindy, me, pat, and zac. i fell asleep on the floor with zac while mindy showered. she came back up and the three of us watched zac twitch in his sleep...took some pictures...and then more people came upstairs and watched him twitch. poor thing...*sorry about that zac <3* :) i eventually got up and showered (felt good-being dirty was definitely gross) and everyone pretty much just sat around all day. me and mindy really didn't have anything planned for the rest of the day so we left everyone and went with zac and pat to zac's house. the whole ride there pat flirting with brooke ;) haha...actually it was the other way around but i think pat was flirting too, lol. me and mindy watched tv while they showered...and watched movies until zac's mom came home with the pizza. "pizza zac! pizza!", "is it here yet?!", "get the pizza zac, get the pizza!"...haha...yeah, zac was a little hungry and excited about the whole pizza deal :) dinner conversation between me and mindy: "twitch and little patches" and "pandas", hahaha. *attention: me and mindy now have an addition to the bunnies...pandas :) after we got done eating, zac's dad decides to pull out the baby pictures. awe...cute baby :) although i don't think i've ever seen zac blush that bad...but i'm pretty sure i'd be embarassed too (except for the fact that i get tortured with baby pictures all the time...blah). but after zac's torture we watched some more movies. me and mindy both got lost in "baby boy" and i don't think anyone got to see all of the "fast and the furious". oh yeah, i'm sorry for breathing...i'll work on that one ;) we spent the night at zac's house :) --sunday-i woke up kinda early (it was 9:00 but that's still early) and waited for everyone else to wake up. pat eventually had to make his own breakfast, haha. awe...i almost feel sorry for him :) me and mindy watched tv while zac and pat went to church...i think i fell asleep...but i don't remember. they came back and pat left shortly afterwards. haha..."patches"...haha. zac and his mom drove us back to mindy's house so we could clean up what was left of the party. it didn't really take that long, but it was pretty dumb that mindy's dad blamed her for the trees that were cut down, broken chairs, and busted bottles (although we didn't find any busted bottles). he wouldn't even listen to her...*grr* we got everything cleaned up and sat around and watched tv all day. after adam, luke, and clint got ready, they left to go trick-or-treating with mindy's mom and dad (but at the time we didn't know mindy's dad went with them). me and mindy got dressed in our halloween costumes...hookers...i can't believe i wore a skirt-ick :) we looked for the whip for like an hour and still didn't find it...but i got a picture of mindy and her handcuffs, haha. tony and jake didn't show up so we decided to walk to sam and sarah's house. we got like two minutes up the road and decided to run back and steal her dad's van and floor it there. so...we ran back to the house...all the while there was a car sitting at the end of the the other road-and we're pretty sure they were sitting there watching us run down the hill, lol. when we opened the doors to get in the van something made a noise from inside the van...it sounded like a dying goat or something. we had no idea what it was and ran back inside the house screaming, haha. we looked for a flashlight but couldn't find one that worked, so i grabbed clint's knife and a lighter. haha...a hooker with a knife and a lighter...wow. we climber in the van real slow after turning the inside light on. we still don't know what made the noise, but it didn't kill us. mindy floored it to sam and sarah's. we were their first and only trick-or-treaters...besides, sarah had eaten most of the candy anyways, haha. after talking with them for awhile we left to go trick-or-treat at their religious neighbors' house. unfortuneately, their light wasn't on so we drove on by. when we finally got turned around at the end of the road, mindy floored it all the way back to her house...the whole time we were both hoping that no one had gotten back home yet-especially her dad because we had no idea where he was. but of course...they were back, our luck. i was pretty sure we were both gonna die-mindy's dad was gonna murder us. but he just sat in the chair real quiet and didn't even look at us...i think that's almost worse. mindy's mom said she didn't even notice that the van was missing...of course she wouldn't, haha. after talking to her for a few minutes we went upstairs...hoping we'd actually make it up without being murdered by her dad, lol. we sat on the bed and listened to adam, clint, and luke. yeah...i definitely didn't like sitting anywhere near adam with the skirt on...freak. adam and luke left after awhile and me and mindy went upstairs to watch tv. i definitely almost fell asleep and was thinking about just staying there and not going to school...but they drove me home at 10:30. i was happy...i actually got to sleep in my own bed again (seems like i don't really get to do that often) :) i actually didn't really have to go home...my dad gave up and just locked the door, thinking i wasn't coming home...huh.--today-eh...exhausted, but ok. although i don't feel as great as i have been feeling...but i don't think there's anything i can do about it. it's fucked up...i'm happy-i know i am...i haven't thought about all the shit that usually stresses me out, in almost two weeks (thanks to zac <3), it's like it's not right there to bug me all the time. but today...*grr*...idk...i kinda felt down after awhile, for no reason. i wasn't thinking about anything, and it's not like i was stressed and worrying about something (like usual)...there was nothing there to think about, but i still had that feeling. the whole depressed feeling, but without all the thoughts. it was weird and i definitely didn't like it. i'm hoping that maybe it's just the bipolar and that i should find another doctor (one that's not gonna put me on five fucking different medications), but just one to help the whole mood swing thing...i hope :/ i hate just switching from one mood to another for no reason, and having to cover it up and pretend like everything's fine so no one asks what's wrong, because even i don't know what's wrong. damn it's so frustrating and confusing! i know i'm happy, but...idk...maybe i'm just not letting myself be as happy as i could be. maybe i just got too comfortable with the whole depression thing...idk. maybe i'll just call my grandma or mom tomorrow and tell them what's going on and see what they decide to do. *grr*...things just don't come that easy. i knew something would get in the way...and of course-it's me, like always. *sigh*, idk. maybe sleeping will make it go away and tomorrow will be better. hopefully :) <3

*I Apple You*

*I Love You*