Yarr...
I be 47% piratey
How Piratey Be Ye?
Take The100-Question Piratey Test on Shiver My TImber-- A Pirate RPG.
*sigh* it's all 'cos I don't own enough skull and crossboned clothing...yarr.
I just had to do that and put it in.
So I've been thinking lately about a lot of stuff 'cos it's not like I have people to hang out with here and it's all the time with the thinking...so here's some of the stuff I've been thinking.
*School is a mental mental thing. And I mean in the retarded way. You go and you get told all this stuff and for an hour you think you are understanding it. Then you go away and try and remember and you don't. Not only that when someone next refers to it, you have no idea what is going on. Then you have to study for tests, or do assignments. All they are is 1500 words plus of trying to sound like you understand what's going on. Ultimately here's the thing. I've done 2 and a bit years of uni so far and I've passed and everything, sometimes quite well and all these people tell me I'm smart. I don't feel it though. I don't understand what I've learnt and I probably couldn't apply it. Except maybe psych. Psych is my forte. It makes me wonder, If I don't understand it, why am I doing it?
*Where am I going? I mean I say to people oh I'm majoring in Psych and History. But really, why am I spending so fucking long to do these things? Am I even gonna be able to get into the journalism course or am I gonna have to go and start again in Wellington or something and do the BA in Journalism? If Canta would give me the fucking work I asked for, all of this thought pattern may not have occured. Also, do I wanna move halfway across the world, or even just to Australia to be able to do what I want? I mean yeah, I complain about how minor NZ is, but I like it here, my fambily is here, the man I love (ahhh, Gershwin) is here and I don't think he'll go anywhere. In Summation, I worry too much.
*I wanna go somewhere, and soon. I reckon I could save up enough money in a year for a cheap ticket ('cos you can get those) to somewhere. I don't want to go alone though. I can think of only two people I would wanna go with though. One wouldn't, the other probably would. But it's a hassle. The only time I could go for a decent amount of time would be summer, but I would want to be working to earn monies. Then there's trying to find somewhere to stay. If I were to go to London or even as close as Sydney I could stay with family so that would be alright. I kinda wanna go to the states though. The biggest issue for that would be finding somewhere to live. Works not hard to get, Maccas and Supermarkets hire just about anyone. Plus I don't wanna go away from here for 3 months without Lee, and I'm afraid if I go for something now and work I won't go back, I'll try and break my way into Journalism by force, which is hard nowadays.
*I wish I was a better people person. I'm so outgoing with people I *don't* know. It's odd. Why am I like that? I have all these people that are my friends from the past 2 years but I'm so scared that they're judging me. I don't care about being myself with total strangers; I'd tell the fucking shop assistants in Glassons my life's story but I can't even call up "acquaintances" to go to the movies 'cos i feel like they are judging me about stupid things. They're already my friends for crying out loud why do I do it to myself? I'm determined to be more open with *friends* from now on. I'm determined to know who my true friends are as well, although I'm pretty alright with that already.
*I feel like I'm just really bad at life in general. I should be having the best time of my life now, going out to concerts and being really fun and interesting. Even I'm bored with my life. All I do is go to school and shop and go on the internet. I used to read so widely...mind you that was when I had a job, no boyfriend, no time to shop and school was easy. I used to be so into music and film and spirituality and It's all just died. It's not even just deep stuff like that, it's superficial stuff like how I used to be so good with my skincare routine. Cleanse Tone and Moisturise. I used to take my vitamin supplements everyday and even though I was fatter and more toxic then, I was happier and healthier. I also eat way too much sugary stuff like cake and chocolate. Having to track it makes you realise how much better you could do. I'm just fucking toxic and need to overhaul myself in general. That might have to wait until the last 4 weeks of this term.
Someone give me a life makeover and fast!
How Piratey Be Ye?
Take The100-Question Piratey Test on Shiver My TImber-- A Pirate RPG.
*sigh* it's all 'cos I don't own enough skull and crossboned clothing...yarr.
I just had to do that and put it in.
So I've been thinking lately about a lot of stuff 'cos it's not like I have people to hang out with here and it's all the time with the thinking...so here's some of the stuff I've been thinking.
*School is a mental mental thing. And I mean in the retarded way. You go and you get told all this stuff and for an hour you think you are understanding it. Then you go away and try and remember and you don't. Not only that when someone next refers to it, you have no idea what is going on. Then you have to study for tests, or do assignments. All they are is 1500 words plus of trying to sound like you understand what's going on. Ultimately here's the thing. I've done 2 and a bit years of uni so far and I've passed and everything, sometimes quite well and all these people tell me I'm smart. I don't feel it though. I don't understand what I've learnt and I probably couldn't apply it. Except maybe psych. Psych is my forte. It makes me wonder, If I don't understand it, why am I doing it?
*Where am I going? I mean I say to people oh I'm majoring in Psych and History. But really, why am I spending so fucking long to do these things? Am I even gonna be able to get into the journalism course or am I gonna have to go and start again in Wellington or something and do the BA in Journalism? If Canta would give me the fucking work I asked for, all of this thought pattern may not have occured. Also, do I wanna move halfway across the world, or even just to Australia to be able to do what I want? I mean yeah, I complain about how minor NZ is, but I like it here, my fambily is here, the man I love (ahhh, Gershwin) is here and I don't think he'll go anywhere. In Summation, I worry too much.
*I wanna go somewhere, and soon. I reckon I could save up enough money in a year for a cheap ticket ('cos you can get those) to somewhere. I don't want to go alone though. I can think of only two people I would wanna go with though. One wouldn't, the other probably would. But it's a hassle. The only time I could go for a decent amount of time would be summer, but I would want to be working to earn monies. Then there's trying to find somewhere to stay. If I were to go to London or even as close as Sydney I could stay with family so that would be alright. I kinda wanna go to the states though. The biggest issue for that would be finding somewhere to live. Works not hard to get, Maccas and Supermarkets hire just about anyone. Plus I don't wanna go away from here for 3 months without Lee, and I'm afraid if I go for something now and work I won't go back, I'll try and break my way into Journalism by force, which is hard nowadays.
*I wish I was a better people person. I'm so outgoing with people I *don't* know. It's odd. Why am I like that? I have all these people that are my friends from the past 2 years but I'm so scared that they're judging me. I don't care about being myself with total strangers; I'd tell the fucking shop assistants in Glassons my life's story but I can't even call up "acquaintances" to go to the movies 'cos i feel like they are judging me about stupid things. They're already my friends for crying out loud why do I do it to myself? I'm determined to be more open with *friends* from now on. I'm determined to know who my true friends are as well, although I'm pretty alright with that already.
*I feel like I'm just really bad at life in general. I should be having the best time of my life now, going out to concerts and being really fun and interesting. Even I'm bored with my life. All I do is go to school and shop and go on the internet. I used to read so widely...mind you that was when I had a job, no boyfriend, no time to shop and school was easy. I used to be so into music and film and spirituality and It's all just died. It's not even just deep stuff like that, it's superficial stuff like how I used to be so good with my skincare routine. Cleanse Tone and Moisturise. I used to take my vitamin supplements everyday and even though I was fatter and more toxic then, I was happier and healthier. I also eat way too much sugary stuff like cake and chocolate. Having to track it makes you realise how much better you could do. I'm just fucking toxic and need to overhaul myself in general. That might have to wait until the last 4 weeks of this term.
Someone give me a life makeover and fast!