(no subject)
I sit down, the phone is in my hand.
Why can’t I call?
Either number.
I cant call either of them.
Why?
They are the two people I really want to talk to.
Do they want to even hear from me?
I want so badly to call.
But I can’t.
Why?
With one I can talk to for hours, even if we have moments of awkward silences.
With the other the conversation never lasts more than 10 minutes.
Why must this confusion continue?
I almost dialed.
But I closed my phone before the call could connect.
I’m so pathetic.
Even if I can’t dial I look at my phone every other second
Will they call? Which will call?
Do they really want to talk to me?
Or is it just to check up on me?
Is it wrong to want to be missed?
You would think that I wouldn’t have all of these thoughts going through my head.
But even now I question.
Is he really interested in me?
Why doesn’t he call?
Doesn’t he want to see me?
Does he think of me?
What does he expect out of me?
Will he call?
I want the unreachable.
And when the unattainable is attained, the appeal is lost.
But I almost had it once. But I lost it.
Now I have what I want but now what I want is something I cannot have again.
why do they have to be so inconsistent??
I mean say what you want to say but stay true to it!
i can honestly say… no I cant honestly say that because I know it would hurt if you really felt this way. But if they could just say something and do something and stay consistent with what they do and say.
GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
isnt it funny how life is? i wrote that at around 11. and then at around 1 i sent a couple of my friends a text, cause i expected them to be asleep.. and of course the one main person i sent it to calls.. cause hes never asleep. and you know where i go from here... if you dont know what im talking about its cool but to elaborate. hes half of the equation.
we talked from 1 to about 3. about absolutely nothing. and at the same time everything.
the most insignificant things. and how things are so complicated and could be simpler.. but who wants that? sides if things are meant to be they are meant to be, and if they arent you can only be thankful for the moments you got. i dont know exactly where i am going with all of this cause i went to bed around 4 and had to get up arount 7... and i was dozing off at church... heh heh i nodded off like three times.
is it wrong to say i miss you?
is it wrong to want to see you?
is it wrong to say that im not talking about the person i should be talking about?
and yet... i dont know.
i just wish i could see the road ahead.
where do you stand?
have you ever heard that song by alanis morisette? ironic. theres this one line that says " It's meeting the man of my dreams And then meeting his beautiful wife" well that line is just how you have to grab your opportunity. how you shouldnt wait for anything. because you might lose your one chance. or like how its never the right time, but when you think you have that "right" time for you its not the right time for them. or i could be wrong. i dont know.
all i know is that falling for someone is someone is some complicated shite. its like trying to cross the street, but its a really busy intersection. you find that one split second where you can just jump off the curb and run across but you doubt how much time you have or how far that car could be from hitting you. so you hesitate... and that moment is gone. but you always get other chances.
thats all i hope to get one day. a chance.
Why can’t I call?
Either number.
I cant call either of them.
Why?
They are the two people I really want to talk to.
Do they want to even hear from me?
I want so badly to call.
But I can’t.
Why?
With one I can talk to for hours, even if we have moments of awkward silences.
With the other the conversation never lasts more than 10 minutes.
Why must this confusion continue?
I almost dialed.
But I closed my phone before the call could connect.
I’m so pathetic.
Even if I can’t dial I look at my phone every other second
Will they call? Which will call?
Do they really want to talk to me?
Or is it just to check up on me?
Is it wrong to want to be missed?
You would think that I wouldn’t have all of these thoughts going through my head.
But even now I question.
Is he really interested in me?
Why doesn’t he call?
Doesn’t he want to see me?
Does he think of me?
What does he expect out of me?
Will he call?
I want the unreachable.
And when the unattainable is attained, the appeal is lost.
But I almost had it once. But I lost it.
Now I have what I want but now what I want is something I cannot have again.
why do they have to be so inconsistent??
I mean say what you want to say but stay true to it!
i can honestly say… no I cant honestly say that because I know it would hurt if you really felt this way. But if they could just say something and do something and stay consistent with what they do and say.
GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
isnt it funny how life is? i wrote that at around 11. and then at around 1 i sent a couple of my friends a text, cause i expected them to be asleep.. and of course the one main person i sent it to calls.. cause hes never asleep. and you know where i go from here... if you dont know what im talking about its cool but to elaborate. hes half of the equation.
we talked from 1 to about 3. about absolutely nothing. and at the same time everything.
the most insignificant things. and how things are so complicated and could be simpler.. but who wants that? sides if things are meant to be they are meant to be, and if they arent you can only be thankful for the moments you got. i dont know exactly where i am going with all of this cause i went to bed around 4 and had to get up arount 7... and i was dozing off at church... heh heh i nodded off like three times.
is it wrong to say i miss you?
is it wrong to want to see you?
is it wrong to say that im not talking about the person i should be talking about?
and yet... i dont know.
i just wish i could see the road ahead.
where do you stand?
have you ever heard that song by alanis morisette? ironic. theres this one line that says " It's meeting the man of my dreams And then meeting his beautiful wife" well that line is just how you have to grab your opportunity. how you shouldnt wait for anything. because you might lose your one chance. or like how its never the right time, but when you think you have that "right" time for you its not the right time for them. or i could be wrong. i dont know.
all i know is that falling for someone is someone is some complicated shite. its like trying to cross the street, but its a really busy intersection. you find that one split second where you can just jump off the curb and run across but you doubt how much time you have or how far that car could be from hitting you. so you hesitate... and that moment is gone. but you always get other chances.
thats all i hope to get one day. a chance.