Not a kitten, but a tigress
This is going to be my last word to you, since you decided that silence was not enough for you anymore. I'm going to stay as nice as I possibly can, because honestly, I don't need more bad karma from you. And I'm not making this private since yours was public to everyone else on this planet, at least mine is friends only.
If blaming me for everything in your life makes you feel better, than by all means do so. I know it helped me for awhile, but after doing that long enough and realizing all it is is a simple crutch, I know that most of it was my fault. I chose to follow after you, to try to be a good friend to you (because I may not have been even a friend sometimes, the times when I was a friend, I went above and beyond the call of duty to you), to spend two years of my life chasing after you. It's all mostly choice. I've made the choice to wish you nothing but the best. I wish I was the one to make that call. I've been mostly content not having to follow behind you and worry like you did for me. Because honestly, I spent more time worrying over you than anything else. I still worry.
As for your family. That's not my fault. When you live under someone else's roof, you have to follow the rules they create. Adulthood doesn't start simply because on paper, you're an adult. You need to earn it. By sitting there and demanding they accept what you want whole sale doesn't entitle you to do as they want. I still work for them. I go home virtually every weekend to work for them without any sort of payback. As far as my parents go, even at 21, I still have little rights of my own because I still depend on them. You think you don't need your parents in your situation? Guess again. You're a child in a man's body.
For your schoolwork. That's not my fault. You were given a chance and you fucked it up. Simple as that. I always put schoolwork over you, and you should have done the same over coming home to your video games every day. Yes, they're a good escape. But you need to face toe real world once in awhile. I nagged you from here to Pluto about getting help when you had a chance and even offered to do more than I should have. You had your chance, you blew it. Now you need to face your choices.
As for your relationships. That's still not entirely my fault. Yes, I was horrible to you. Yes, you have scars from me. No, it's not my fault your girlfriend dumped you. You have faults, like everyone else on this planet. And you get to a point in your life when you realize that maybe, nobody wants you around because you choose to ignore them and therefore exacerbate them. You get the choice of trying to change who you are so maybe you can look at yourself in the mirror and approve of what you see. You're luckier than me in that regard. I have a mental disorder that fights against me in that regard, but the part I do have control over, I fight. The other part, I go to the people and medication that can. I realized I pushed everyone away, not just for you, but because of my own faults. I stopped crying over them and changed that instead. Instead of whining about how I destroyed your life, how about you change what you don't like?
I'm allowed to talk to my friends about the parts of our failed relationship/friendship that you were responsible for. You gossiped about me all the time to your old friends. You told them stuff I didn't even tell my friends until recently. You told them I miscarried a baby before I felt ready to tell a handful of people. You talked about my history to people I never met. I never let it go beyond cattiness. I'm a woman who's been wronged by you, and talking about it to my friends is a right I'm entitled to as a human being. Do I do it often? No, just the one time, because it came up. Did I knock you down into a joke? No. I had too much respect for you to do that. Did I bring you below my rapist's level? No. Do I have more in my life to worry about than knocking you to pieces? Oh, yes. Am I a catty girl for doing it? Of course I am. But I know the power of words and how things get back to people, so I only say what I'm prepared to defend.
I'm not even going to comment on what you said about Yulia. That doesn't even deserve a response.
And you're going to drag me down now by telling me to look in the mirror and see the person that took everything from you? No thank you. I actually have been able to look in the mirror and see a girl who's survived against what she's been given, and still takes the time to be a good person. Because I am a good person. You simply took out the worst in me. But at least I'm trying to fix it instead of sitting and whining. I actually like who I see in the mirror now. For all the bad I've doled out, I dealt out twice as much good. I'm simply getting the payback for it now. You think you're going to take that away from me because you're finally the one on the bottom? I'm not nearly as close to the top as you think. Now for once, you actually know what suffering is like. Maybe get a taste for what I went through. It'll make you stronger. But are you going to fight, or are you just going to curl up and wait for someone to hand you a reprieve? Nobody's going to do that.
I don't feel sorry for you, if that's what you're going for, and not because I'm a petty person. I'm able to separate you as the person you used to be and you as the selfish person you are now. Because you have a genuine problem, my friend, and you're just going to go in circles until you try to fix it. Maybe one day you'll see you're reaping the cost of being so proud and arrogant. You're not an island. You may have gotten wrong done to you, but you did just as much bad. And karma's just going to take it's course. You can take all the chance you want to make it completely my fault, and I don't deny half of it is. But the other half is you pushing everyone away for your own attachments, first me, then everything else. I'm lucky I was able to get back everything I sacrificed for you. If you can't do that, you've made more poor choices. I warned you, and I was right about a good chunk of it. My heart bleeds for the person from the summer of '09, not this one. I still wish nothing but the best for you. You're going to go through hell, and now you don't even have the friend to help you. I know what that's like and I never wish that on anyone. But I made the choice to slug through it, and now I see the end of the tunnel on that. You're going to fixate on me earning some rest from it all? By all means do it, I sure do deserve it for what I've done. But you can't live doing that forever.
--The kitten, who grew into a tigress