Last Updated - 73 weeks ago
I don't know myself, I don't know my current person/ or ality. I conflict my every move and though. I was meant to be this moral righteous person, a changer, goals ambitions, where did these go? If I don't know who I am, how can I expect anyone else to know me, or want to? If im not growing closer to myself, how can I grow closer to others? My priorities are all wrong, my ambitions are miskewed. I dont know what Im living for, or what im reaching for. I yell for change, but I dont even know whats constant. I sit in my mess of a life, changing nothing, and letting the mess pile higher and higher around me. Covered in my flaws, covered in my thoughts, about things that make no sense. I seek consistency, I seek change, I seek a lot, but I never pursue. I dream, but never live. I live asleep, and dream awake. My mind is clouded with non-substance, and non-growth. Im consumed by greed, and impurity, I have no true appreciation for who I am, or my own personal gifts. I throw away any chance at a saving grace. I push away any real chance at clarity. Id rather sleep it off, and awake to another day of the same. Ill take the easy path, and not construct any thing real in my life. I can fix it, but I chose to be stagnit. I push any real relationship with anyone away, including myself. I'm lost, and not pursing to be found. I am capable, but unwilling, unmoving, unmotivated, uninspired. I hold onto no hope, or no dream worth pursuing, I want someone to save me rather then make the effort myself. Ill dwell in my own immoralness, and spur any change. I seek change, I seek strength, seek uncowardness. But will it ever come to be, will i spend the next week, month, year constructively, or delving deeper into myself and my fleeting wants to fill a hole which empties faster then I can fill it with temporary positives. I look for hope. I ramble on, I write my thoughts. But it all works towards nothing more then where I began.