(no subject)
Im trying very hard not too get caught up in how bad my life is right now.
because in all reality its not.... people have it worse.. but its pretty bad. im trying to teach myself how to manage my money better. I work for EVERYTHING that i have..and its REALLY hard sometimes..... but i guess its made me a pretty strong person having to be so damn independant. Makes me appreciate things alot more.
And as bad as life is for me, i have the BEST friends i could ask for.. they make me realize that i do have ALOT to be thankful for... and when im with them i forget all about the things that are really going on and just appreciate living life to the fullest. I really didnt see me renae and samantha getting close again, but we have, and its been AMAZING. and i hope it only gets stronger from here.
Honestly, you loose some and gain some.... the ones you loose or lost are in your past for a reason. People drift apart, it happens thats life. You cant hold on too shit forever and if that does happen, maybe those people didnt mean as much to you as you thought or it just wasnt meant too be, its not worth all the drama and stress trying to make things work out that never seem too go the right way! Life is seriously too short for the bullshit just get rid of it and move on!!!!
Renae I am so glad we have gotten so close over the past couple weeks you and samantha. i love you guys to death. i love that we get crazy but we can also be sober sallys and chill and still have just as much fun. I love going to pb with the boys, i love them SOOOO so much. tommy and chris are the biggest sweethearts i have ever met and you know they care about us so much!anyways i would do anything for you guys. I wish i didnt have to go back to gay ass work haha that would be amazing, but i guess in all reality we all need to pay alittle more attention to whats going on in our lives so we can really get our acts together and be super happy.
i love renae samantha lauren tommy chris matt andrew everyone that has been in my life the past couple weeks, ive been waiting so long to find REAL friends who love me as a person and i know wont let me down and vise versa. LOVE YOU GUYS.
as soon as i get my finances all figured out and shit and can get myself set.. ill be starting a sleeve.. me nae and sam are starting em up here pretty soon i think, we are going to be some hott ass bitches:) uhm what else, i hate my job... and i want a new one but i know nothing pays as good as im making :/ unforunatly it takes up ALOT of my time :( sooo yeah ahhaa i dunno just gotta get my shit straight and everything will be PERECTO. im also trying to quit smoking ciggarettes and loose a ton of weight so i can look as hott as my best friends haha
as far as adam goes.
never in a million years did i think i would loose someone THAT close to me. it has been so hard. his memorial was like the hardest thing i have ever had to go too and getting up infront of everyone trying to talk about him and our memories was soooo hard i could barley talk and i didnt even get to say everything i wanted to. He was one of the most REAL friends i have ever had. he loved ME. ME as a person.. he knew me... the real me....and he LOVED me for it. When he told me i was beautiful.. i knew he really meant it.. I feel like such a asshole.. he was in love with me for years and even tho we were good friends i was just a scardie cat and never acted on it. He was so special, honestly. When i moved away to wisconsin he was one of the ONLY people who kept in constant contact with me from the time i left till i got back and he was the first person i hung out with. and when i was there.. before and after.. he would ride his bike to my house like everyday just too see me... and say hi to my mom.. or when i worked at vip world he would come see me.... or ill never forget him asking me out in 6th grade.. or all the memories in middle school...... and high school.. i read through his old livejournal and he said the nicest things about me.. and his other friends. im so lucky to have known him for the past 10 years.. so glad i got to be close to him.. so glad that i was a big part of his life.. and he will NEVER leave my heart EVER, i love him so much. i miss you adam!!!!!!
okay well ive gone on long enough :]