(no subject)
I've learned a lot in this past month or so.
Not the "I'm out of highschool i know about life and the working world" bullshit.
But actually about myself and other people, and how I really need to watch out.
I have some friends who talk about going out and being with guys and just partying, living it up. And I felt extremly moved by the conversation. Not at that exact moment, but as I was laying in bed I found out how much i really know and don't know about those things.
I'm 18 years old. I don't know anything about life yet, and I feel like I could write a novel on what has gone on in a month.
Drinking doesnt solve anything.
Neither does long talks and smoking Reds with the person you used to love most.
Theres something about going out and getting hurt thats appealing, nobody really knows why. But what would I really do if everything was perfect. If I had a boyfriend, and really had a good situation going, I'd be like where's the drama? Why don't i feel like shit today? I don't know, but when everything seems to be going so well, it all falls down. Which I always expect, but never really expect at all.
I look into things so deeply, that I get completely wound up for nothing. And get excited to only be let down.
Why so much depressing news? Because I'm tired.
I'm just really tired. And I feel the need to get this out in the open, not that anybody will read this and feel "oh shit Cher, I'm sorry"
That's not quite what I'm going for today. I'm just explainging to the world that it's nearly impossible to have a perfect drama free life.
Sometimes theres nothing you can do but wait. Wait for that person to realise maybe they screwed up.
I haven't figured out everything that life has to bring to me. But I have figured out what makes me boil over with jealousy, anger, hate, and a moutain of other emotions.
It's when you hint and say you care, when I know better, I don't know how I know, but I just feel it.
I'd like to say "I care about you too" but when you run off with someone I know, it's hard to trust you. Or anything else for that matter.
I now understand where you're jealousy came into play. Why you aked who I was with. I couldn't even tell you. so I got blitzed and told you I'd let you know later.
But again, what would I really do, if I couldn't debate "why did he say that to me?"
or
"do you think we would be cute together?"
I have to over analyze these situations, to get down to what I really need to know. Maybe I take to long, and should just make my move
Hey i want to be with you
or maybe I should have left well enough alone.
I still haven't figured that out.
The thought of everything makes me sick to my stomach.
Maybe explainging why i threw up last night.
Regurgitating all the thoughts of you and me, and all the things I knew I shouldn't have done, or thought, or said.
It's so vile to think of.
so fucking vile.
It's what we call love my dear.
it's what I've found out about myself, and what I still need to find in the world.
It's what I'm striving for, it's what I'm debating on, it's something i've learned in the past month.
it'swhat they call
love
Not the "I'm out of highschool i know about life and the working world" bullshit.
But actually about myself and other people, and how I really need to watch out.
I have some friends who talk about going out and being with guys and just partying, living it up. And I felt extremly moved by the conversation. Not at that exact moment, but as I was laying in bed I found out how much i really know and don't know about those things.
I'm 18 years old. I don't know anything about life yet, and I feel like I could write a novel on what has gone on in a month.
Drinking doesnt solve anything.
Neither does long talks and smoking Reds with the person you used to love most.
Theres something about going out and getting hurt thats appealing, nobody really knows why. But what would I really do if everything was perfect. If I had a boyfriend, and really had a good situation going, I'd be like where's the drama? Why don't i feel like shit today? I don't know, but when everything seems to be going so well, it all falls down. Which I always expect, but never really expect at all.
I look into things so deeply, that I get completely wound up for nothing. And get excited to only be let down.
Why so much depressing news? Because I'm tired.
I'm just really tired. And I feel the need to get this out in the open, not that anybody will read this and feel "oh shit Cher, I'm sorry"
That's not quite what I'm going for today. I'm just explainging to the world that it's nearly impossible to have a perfect drama free life.
Sometimes theres nothing you can do but wait. Wait for that person to realise maybe they screwed up.
I haven't figured out everything that life has to bring to me. But I have figured out what makes me boil over with jealousy, anger, hate, and a moutain of other emotions.
It's when you hint and say you care, when I know better, I don't know how I know, but I just feel it.
I'd like to say "I care about you too" but when you run off with someone I know, it's hard to trust you. Or anything else for that matter.
I now understand where you're jealousy came into play. Why you aked who I was with. I couldn't even tell you. so I got blitzed and told you I'd let you know later.
But again, what would I really do, if I couldn't debate "why did he say that to me?"
or
"do you think we would be cute together?"
I have to over analyze these situations, to get down to what I really need to know. Maybe I take to long, and should just make my move
Hey i want to be with you
or maybe I should have left well enough alone.
I still haven't figured that out.
The thought of everything makes me sick to my stomach.
Maybe explainging why i threw up last night.
Regurgitating all the thoughts of you and me, and all the things I knew I shouldn't have done, or thought, or said.
It's so vile to think of.
so fucking vile.
It's what we call love my dear.
it's what I've found out about myself, and what I still need to find in the world.
It's what I'm striving for, it's what I'm debating on, it's something i've learned in the past month.
it'swhat they call
love