(no subject)
somehow my mind has a glitch in it.
a tiny fissure. or maybe a large one.
i think that thouse things will somehow cure all sense of insecurity. why? i've been down this road before. damn it. i paved this road myself. i even put up the warning signs saying "turn back now."
yet it is all ignored when i'm at my worst.
this is the first time this mood has come about since august. when i first moved here, and i didn't know anyone. i was homesick. i was physically sick. i didn't want to be here. i had no one. i had nothing to get up in the morning for.
i feel it again. i'm just going through the motions mindlessly. i'm getting into old desires that haven't been around since i was in high school. desires i thought i was rid of. just like this emotion that i promised i wouldn't let myself feel again.
i'm tempted, but i'd never do that again. 1 year and 2 months will not be washed down the drain. i'm just struggling because that's what happens when i feel like this. i don't know what to do instead...so i just sit here blankly.
i walk around constantly distracted.
i'm a legend for all the wrong reasons.
i wish people kept their mouths shut.
i just want to sleep for a very long time.
i've always sucked at new year's resolutions. why did i think this one would be different?
that was the best resolution i ever made. i didn't realize how content i was (though i thought i wasn't) till i went and threw it down the drain. i'm a idiot.
just keep telling me that. it's not like you'll ever understand.
a tiny fissure. or maybe a large one.
i think that thouse things will somehow cure all sense of insecurity. why? i've been down this road before. damn it. i paved this road myself. i even put up the warning signs saying "turn back now."
yet it is all ignored when i'm at my worst.
this is the first time this mood has come about since august. when i first moved here, and i didn't know anyone. i was homesick. i was physically sick. i didn't want to be here. i had no one. i had nothing to get up in the morning for.
i feel it again. i'm just going through the motions mindlessly. i'm getting into old desires that haven't been around since i was in high school. desires i thought i was rid of. just like this emotion that i promised i wouldn't let myself feel again.
i'm tempted, but i'd never do that again. 1 year and 2 months will not be washed down the drain. i'm just struggling because that's what happens when i feel like this. i don't know what to do instead...so i just sit here blankly.
i walk around constantly distracted.
i'm a legend for all the wrong reasons.
i wish people kept their mouths shut.
i just want to sleep for a very long time.
i've always sucked at new year's resolutions. why did i think this one would be different?
that was the best resolution i ever made. i didn't realize how content i was (though i thought i wasn't) till i went and threw it down the drain. i'm a idiot.
just keep telling me that. it's not like you'll ever understand.