Private Entry 007
Again it has been long since I have tried to chronicle the convoluted miscellany my thoughts have become. Of course, being manhandled into the infirmary away from my writing supplies by that...that pirate, made it quite difficult to do so. I fear I'm beginning to understand why Mother chose to shield herself in her room. It is the easiest of solutions when the world around you stops making any form of sense. I shouldn't be surprised that I find myself following the same path now.
It is ironic... I wished for nothing more than for her to leave her room and grace us and the light again with her presence, and now I continue to seek solace in the same way.
Mother...what would you say if you were here? What would Father say?
I suppose if that knowledge was known to me I would not be having these problems. Though I doubt Mother would be pleased if I took the same route as her. To leave the uncertain world behind and remain in solitude... of course, we all cared enough for her to make sure it was not solitude...I rather doubt the same treatment would befall me.
I have tried to make my own way using fathers lessons...but look where it has landed me. I do not need Father's presence to know that I have disappointed him. I fear I am disgracing our family's proud name...left to my own devices for only a few short months and everything dwindles away. Luserina has taken to this new castle with great ease and handled all problems caused by it...I'm sure Hiram would have been able to handle everything that has happened as well. By now he would have more money than he arrived with and all in the castle would revere the name Barows. At least I'm sure father would tell me that. I still try so to live up to him, how Dad said I should...It's just so hard! Especially without Dad around to tell me how he would have done things, how am I supposed to know?
These pages were once a place to sort out my thoughts. They still work to that affect whether or not I want such thoughts in my head. I suppose I should be at least grateful that the terrible illness which had stricken me has decided it's time was over. Really. The ever changing climes of this place. If it's not the cold causing illness it's something else. Just another of the cruel jokes fate has decided to play on me by bringing me here. If there is a reason for my presence I should rather like to hear it soon!