Valentines Log: Euram and Hervey
Euram waited once again at the gaily decorated table set aside for Queen’s valentine dates. After the first atrocity with Shoon, he’d vowed them off…but then Miss Jewel had been the second, so Euram had decided to give them another chance. There was only one left after all, and nothing could be worse than Shoon. He shifted in his seat, the heat from the new sun was making his velvet rather uncomfortable.
Hervey had actually been looking forward to today. The pirate had been laying low and keeping quiet for a while, and now he was keen to make a bit of noise for the first time in a while. It was a date, too; what could possibly go wrong with that? In his mind, Hervey was already imagining an innocent, pretty little girl -- but not too little, of course, Hervey didn't stoop that low -- or maybe even a fierce, energetic woman. Grinning stupidly to himself as he made his way over to the table, he seemed pretty carefree until he suddenly spotted a certain, blonde... Euram. At his table. What?
"... Hey, you're in the wrong seat, buddo."
Euram didn’t pay any attention to the new presence, hoping that the irritation would just leave. There were plenty of reasons for the other to be in the café, it had nothing to do with Queen’s evil sense of humor. At least he had been convincing himself of that for everyone who entered the café, but until he was addressed. “I most certainly am not! You do not have ownership, pirate.” he said angrily. He was not going to put up with this again. He hoped the pirate was just there as an annoyance.
Hervey looked completely nonplussed at Euram's reply, sighing a little internally. Well, there had to be some hiccups on the road to his perfect date, he supposed. Queen had promised. Queen had totally promised that Hervey would end up with a chick. And while Hervey could see how someone could mistake Euram with a chick, well... well, this was just cruel. He eyed the table with a bit of weary irritation. "Okay, okay, shut up, already. And don't call me pirate, I have a name, noble." Hervey threw an immature glare. "What I'm saying is... lay off to another table for a while, will ya?"
Euram should have realized his life was not one where he could expect simple things to go as they should. It was bad enough he had been forced to meet with two other men of all things, but her choices…oh they must have been malignant! There was no other explanation. Hervey’s glare was not helping matters, and for the first time in awhile, Euram’s inner cursing found itself vocalized.
“Damn it!” he said between clenched teeth and a pout. “The woman’s cruelty knows no bounds! Or your stupidity…tell me you have gotten the timing wrong! I will not stand for this again.”
"What?" Hervey stared blankly, not really catching on yet despite Euram having mentioned something to do with timing. ... Wait, timing? What timing? What the heck was he on about? Did the guy mean timing for lunch, or maybe timing for something else...? Hervey had heard that nobles were a little fussy about when they had to eat -- it was a clockwork routine, apparently. Maybe that was it. ... Hopefully.
"... Look, man. I ain't got a clue what the hell you're on about, but if you're gonna' be calling me stupid, you've got another thing coming...!"
“The timing for the meeting determined by that insufferable woman!” Euram exploded, on the edge of a tantrum. If refused to explain more than this, if that dense pirate could not understand by himself, then he would just have to leave!
"What insufferable wom--" Hervey was just about on the verge of shaking Euram by the shoulders, when suddenly, things just clicked in his head. Oh. Meeting, timing, insufferable woman... riiiight. Numbly, as if Hervey didn't want to believe this was happening, the pirate reached into his pocket to pull out the card for the dates. "... You're bloody joking."
Euram took out his own card and all but threw it across the table, near the open seat. Well he tried to, it ended up more in the middle, having barely gone a foot. “It is a joke indeed!” he agreed, quite angrily. “Not played by, but on me.”
Hervey was just stunned into silence for a moment at the sight of that card, his brain going a whole bunch of places at once. Part of him wanted to throw Euram in the lake, while another part of him wanted to beat someone up... and that someone was probably Euram, although it wasn't the poor guy's fault. Just a case of wrong place wrong time... so to speak. Ultimately, though, Hervey just ended up pulling out the chair in frustration, sitting down upon it in a heavy heap, his arms crossed. "... So, now what?? Don't tell me I have to actually go on a date with you?"
Euram crossed his arms as well, and stared at a spot in the distance, while bouncing his crossed legs irritated. “Of course not!” he shouted, leg bouncing more forcefully. “It was bad enough to have that gladiator insist upon one! I will not take that degradation again!” It may not have been Hervey’s fault either, but he was there to be blamed and sometimes that’s all that matters.
... Hervey couldn't help but let out a short laugh at that, a little bit cheered up now that he saw Euram looking more irritated than him. "... Gladiator?" He said, looking a little amused as he leaned back in his chair, making himself comfortable. "You had to go on a date with a gladiator?" He paused. "... Which one? Heheh."
Hervey’s amusement, only served to increase Euram’s annoyance. “Shoon of course!” he said, conveying what he obviously thought of Hervey’s intelligence with his irate gaze. “I do not see what is so funny? You have been duped by that woman too!”
... Okay, that was a bit too much. The idea of Shoon and Euram together kind of made Hervey laugh even more, and without really thinking (then again, when did Hervey ever think before he spoke?) he blurted out, "I guess we know which one was the guy in the relationship there then, eh?" He didn't even seem to hear the last bit, way too caught up in laughing.
Euram slammed his fist down on the table, the violent action diminished by his wince at the pain. He shook away from the pained expression and managed to get his aggravated face back in force. “What do you mean by that?” he asked positively scandalized. “There is not relationship for such thoughts to be discussed!”
"Right, right, riiiiight." Hervey waved a hand, the sight of Euram wincing at his own action making the whole thing even funnier. His voice was a little breathless after his laughter as he finally managed to speak. "... But, you know, hypothetically... we both know who'd be the man." ... And that sent him into another snicker, no matter how hard he tried to control his expression.
”Shut up!” Euram yelled, looking around now worried that someone would hear this and get the wrong impression. “Oh my..such thoughts!” he said, trying to fall into his normal snide voice, but mostly failing in his excitement. “Why I had no idea you had such interest in a pairing! I’m certain the gladiator would be most apt should you choose to make proper overtures.”
Hervey had been laughing, but upon hearing that he froze a little, and then stared. He looked like he was about to punch a kitten at Euram's suggestion, except... "... What the hell is an overture?"
His ego fueled by Hervey’s sudden silence, Euram found it much easier to settle into a self-assured pose. “Oh my, but of course a pirate would not know the proper ways to woo,” he said with a wicked smirk. “Why, in proper circles one would want to announce their intentions before…ah hem…escorting their wom..oh my apologies…the light of their eye back to their quarters.”
Hervey had a sinking suspicion about what Euram may have been implying now, and he slowly stood up, palms slamming down onto the table in front of him. "... Heheheh... Just what're you saying... pansy?" There was a sort of not-too-happy, fierce grin on Hervey's face now.
Euram jumped at the slamming sound, and he shrank further back at the odd grin on the other’s face. He fought to keep his composure, but it shifted back and forth into cowering. “Why…I thought that should be obvious..haha” he said, trying to still sound smug. “Why else would you have such an interest in hypotheticals?”
That grin still on his face, Hervey leaned over the table, trying to loom over Euram. "We're talking about hypotheticals in your situation, you little twat...!" Hervey was doing his damned best not to resort to his childish antics of hitting someone over the head over a small insult right now. Well, not that Hervey found the insult to be small, but... "You know, you're sounding a little hopeful that I'd, y'know, swing that way..."
Euram’s jaw dropped at the insinuation, emotions clearly playing on his face. “Ha!” he insisted loudly, pointing with an extended arm, mostly to put distance between them while not appearing scared. “Y..you were the one who began such a discourse! And it was you not I that decided to sit at lunch with another man!”
"Sit.. at... lunch!?" Hervey stared at that pointed finger, tempted to grab it and break it or something equally drastic. Instead, he just continued to grin, sweeping his hand in a gesture at the table. "I don't see any lunch here, you delusional loon! ... Unless, you know, you're offering yourself up... which makes you the one who bats for the other team!"
Hervey won that round. Euram stayed frozen in place, his brain trying to wrap around what the other had just said. Not only was it lewd and…he didn’t understand all of the colloquialisms. “What team? What by the sun are you talking about?” he asked, shrinking into himself completely.
"Hah!" Hervey finally leaned back, standing up straight, though one hand was still palm-down on the surface of the table. His other hand was just resting on his hip, in a much triumphant pose. "Feigned innocence! That's the first step! ... Second step?" He paused to think, then shook his head. "... Next comes denial, right? ... Either way, I'm right, you're wrong!"
“Never!” Euram replied instantly, not even sure what they were arguing about at the moment. He still didn’t know what teams he was talking about. “You are quite wrong,” he insisted, resuming his crossed pose now that the other had backed up. “And quite impossible to have a conversation with as you make little sense!”
"Denial." Hervey clicked his fingers, smirking. "I was right after all! ... And now you're doing... what was it? -- changing the topic!" He laughed, nodding and talking... mostly to himself, really. "You're just digging yourself a bigger hole!"
“Wh..tch…” Euram sputtered, trying hard to maintain his control and work through exactly what was going on so he could come out victorious. All he knew for certain was that this was a challenge, and he was not going to loose to a pirate! “Oh yes? And what about you? You have denied, feigned innocence and continually turned the course of the topic away from yourself! You are most guilty of your own devised rules!” he shouted again pointing.
... Well... ... ... ...... crap. "H-huh?" Hervey looked flustered for a moment and then quickly shook his head, looking slightly bewildered at the turn of events. This was unfair! "What th -- you're not allowed to use my rules, dumbass! Make up your ow -- well, don't make up your own -- wait, you know what? Just shut up!"
“Ha ha!” Euram laughed in triumph. He knew the pirate would be no match for his superior intellect. “So you admit they were merely fabricated in some false attempt at a trial!” He sat back haughtily, casting a superior gaze at Hervey, “And to not presume to tell me what to do!”
"... I'll make you fall in the lake in just a second!" Hervey retorted back in irritation. "... Wait, why the hell am I arguing with you, anyway!? I can just rip your head off your shoulders and mail it to... somewhere." He finished off his threat a little lamely, but the threat was still there.
That was enough to get Euram’s attention. He paled, and got up from his chair, putting it between himself and Hervey. “S..Such violence!” S..Surely you are not still so uncivilized as that…”
"Watch who you're calling uncivilized..." Hervey grumbled, about to get himself into another pointless, childish argument... but then he quickly went onto his point. "... Listen, just admit I'm right and I'll let you go and we'll pretend this neeever happened, alright?"
Euram stopped retreating, but he had no intention of moving to the other side of his chair. Who knew when that beast would snap again. “Right about what?” he asked. “You have changed topic so much in the past few moments it is impossible to know what convoluted thoughts are attempting to find a place within your head.”
"Convoluted... what?" That forced Hervey to double-take again. "What the hell does that even mean!? ... You know, stop... stop doing that!" He seemed a little irritated at Euram's fancy, long-winded phrasing. This encounter seemed to serve as a reminder of why he hated putting up with nobles. "... Just admit I'm right full stop. Alright?"
“I will admit to nothing, you oaf,” Euram shot back, much braver behind his shield in the shape of a chair. “Why can you not be more like Sigurd? He is a proper pirate…you are a…lout.”
That seemed to strike a bit of a nerve. "Tch, damn, if I had a potch for every time I heard that...!" He crossed his arms again, probably to restrain himself from leaping over the table and chair and strangling Euram right at that second. "For your information, Sigurd... it's not like he isn't a proper pirate, but I'll be damned if..." He trailed off. "... augh, whatever! Shut up!"
Euram did not like being told what to do, but he felt he had won this round so he had nothing else to say. He merely stood with a haughty smile upon his face, letting the silence to carry over, almost challengingly.
Seeing that look on Euram's face didn't exactly help make Hervey's mood any better this time, and the silence was tempting him to go on another rant. Refraining, however, he just took a deep breath... and said, grudgingly, "... Alright, let's just pretend this never happened, okay? Not mention it to Queen or anything? ... Not mention it to anyone?"
“That may be the most rational thing to have ever escaped your mouth,” Euram said, unable to disagree with him this time. “However, that unpleasant woman is already most aware of it as it was of her devising.”
"So? ... We can just pretend we both missed the damn date or something." Hervey shook his head, a hand beginning to mess with his own hair as he tried to think of something. "... Maybe we could even set Queen up on her own date... You know, secretly."
Euram was so busy grumbling he almost missed the emphasis in the final sentence. “Oh?” he asked, suddenly getting intrigued. True the other man was an oafish lout as he had previously stated, but then…so was Roy and he had proven useful…to a point. “It would be the most poetic justice for her to be served a portion of her own medicine…A generous portion.”
Hervey was experiencing the almost completely foreign feeling of being a mastermind here. "Heh, exactly. And, you know, it'd just be us being generous, right? ... Totally zero harm outta' it, technically." He wasn't exactly sure where he was going with this, but damn, he knew he had to be onto something.
Thoroughly intrigued now, Euram sat back down in the chair ready to discuss. “Of course!” he agreed loudly. “Why there can be no harm in merely returning her…generosity.”
"We are geniuses." Hervey said, chuckling. Even if this was only his first date, he already felt totally jipped and was loving the idea of revenge... nevermind that his accomplice would be Euram of all people. "All we need to do is find someone totally freakish, like, say, Cornelio... and we can let the magic happen!"
“I thought we wished to repay her generosity..not actually benefit her,” Euram said sounding almost confused. Almost, because he was convinced the problem was that Hervey was merely too dim to understand the best ways to exact revenge. Clearly he would have to take the reigns as the mastermind. “A great musical talent would not be proper for this retribution…no…surely there must be something better.”
"... Better?" Hervey raised an eyebrow, looking disbelieving of Euram. He thought the idea of Cornelio writing Queen a couple of hundred love songs and following her around with his freakish elf things sounded pretty damn scary, but if Euram had a better idea... "... Right, you're gonna' have to elaborate on that, 'cause I'm drawing a blank here... Unless you want to drag Luca Blight over to her, and if that's what you want, be my guest, 'cause I'm not coming anywhere near that guy.
Euram shivered at the mention of Blight…yes that might be fitting, but quite unavailable as he would not be willing to approach him either. “Ah yes…Perhaps we are looking at this problem wrong!” he supplied. “Yes…perhaps the best is not a date, but some other form of retribution…perhaps a potion put in her drink or an embarrassing moment made public…”
"... Embarrassing moment?" That was a little tempting, but Hervey wondered what would be enough to embarrass Queen. She seemed to be pretty steely in terms of those things, and she had run around the castle naked once... hadn't she? "... Like what, eh?"
“I don’t know,” Euram said, sounding as though he blamed Hervey for that fact. “Obviously if we do not have such a thing presently, it must be sought out! Or fabricated if need be. Once made public the truth of a rumor is irrelevant!”
"... You're a bit of a bastard, aren't you?" He said that almost thoughtfully, not sure if he liked this idea or not. He shook his head, shrugging. "Well, I know I'll be able to fend for myself when it comes to Queen's wrath, so it's up to you how far you're gonna' take this." He seemed a little amused again, totally game.
Content in playing the roll of a mastermind out for reven…justice, Euram accepted the comment as a compliment. “Naturally you would think of physical prowess, but the key to this is to cover our tracks so that it cannot be traced back, rendering that point moot.”
"... Sure." Hervey said dumbly, just playing along. He really didn't know the first thing about covering his own tracks when it came to this kind of thing. He was more the type to just get out there and deal with someone head-on, not... from the shadows. "So basically, you just wanna' try to keep yourself completely safe and off the hook, huh?"
“So tactlessly stated,” Euram muttered to himself loud enough to be heard. “Must you be taught the way to a proper mode of reprisal?” he asked louder, getting annoyed. “If I am to be expected to do everything I see no reason why you should be involved at all.”
"Hey, this was my idea, tough guy." Hervey said pointedly, but instead of arguing further, he sat down again, looking as if he was going to stay. "... Listen, how about this, then? Sit down, and we'll bounce ideas off each other, alright?? ... And I promise I won't try to kill you... I think."
“Hmpf, your offer leaves a great deal to be desired,” Euram said. However, he had little choice if he wanted this vengeance. It could not be carried out without an underling after all…whatever ‘it’ turned out to be. “Agree, I’m certain I will arrive at a suitable plan within short order.”
Hervey had actually been looking forward to today. The pirate had been laying low and keeping quiet for a while, and now he was keen to make a bit of noise for the first time in a while. It was a date, too; what could possibly go wrong with that? In his mind, Hervey was already imagining an innocent, pretty little girl -- but not too little, of course, Hervey didn't stoop that low -- or maybe even a fierce, energetic woman. Grinning stupidly to himself as he made his way over to the table, he seemed pretty carefree until he suddenly spotted a certain, blonde... Euram. At his table. What?
"... Hey, you're in the wrong seat, buddo."
Euram didn’t pay any attention to the new presence, hoping that the irritation would just leave. There were plenty of reasons for the other to be in the café, it had nothing to do with Queen’s evil sense of humor. At least he had been convincing himself of that for everyone who entered the café, but until he was addressed. “I most certainly am not! You do not have ownership, pirate.” he said angrily. He was not going to put up with this again. He hoped the pirate was just there as an annoyance.
Hervey looked completely nonplussed at Euram's reply, sighing a little internally. Well, there had to be some hiccups on the road to his perfect date, he supposed. Queen had promised. Queen had totally promised that Hervey would end up with a chick. And while Hervey could see how someone could mistake Euram with a chick, well... well, this was just cruel. He eyed the table with a bit of weary irritation. "Okay, okay, shut up, already. And don't call me pirate, I have a name, noble." Hervey threw an immature glare. "What I'm saying is... lay off to another table for a while, will ya?"
Euram should have realized his life was not one where he could expect simple things to go as they should. It was bad enough he had been forced to meet with two other men of all things, but her choices…oh they must have been malignant! There was no other explanation. Hervey’s glare was not helping matters, and for the first time in awhile, Euram’s inner cursing found itself vocalized.
“Damn it!” he said between clenched teeth and a pout. “The woman’s cruelty knows no bounds! Or your stupidity…tell me you have gotten the timing wrong! I will not stand for this again.”
"What?" Hervey stared blankly, not really catching on yet despite Euram having mentioned something to do with timing. ... Wait, timing? What timing? What the heck was he on about? Did the guy mean timing for lunch, or maybe timing for something else...? Hervey had heard that nobles were a little fussy about when they had to eat -- it was a clockwork routine, apparently. Maybe that was it. ... Hopefully.
"... Look, man. I ain't got a clue what the hell you're on about, but if you're gonna' be calling me stupid, you've got another thing coming...!"
“The timing for the meeting determined by that insufferable woman!” Euram exploded, on the edge of a tantrum. If refused to explain more than this, if that dense pirate could not understand by himself, then he would just have to leave!
"What insufferable wom--" Hervey was just about on the verge of shaking Euram by the shoulders, when suddenly, things just clicked in his head. Oh. Meeting, timing, insufferable woman... riiiight. Numbly, as if Hervey didn't want to believe this was happening, the pirate reached into his pocket to pull out the card for the dates. "... You're bloody joking."
Euram took out his own card and all but threw it across the table, near the open seat. Well he tried to, it ended up more in the middle, having barely gone a foot. “It is a joke indeed!” he agreed, quite angrily. “Not played by, but on me.”
Hervey was just stunned into silence for a moment at the sight of that card, his brain going a whole bunch of places at once. Part of him wanted to throw Euram in the lake, while another part of him wanted to beat someone up... and that someone was probably Euram, although it wasn't the poor guy's fault. Just a case of wrong place wrong time... so to speak. Ultimately, though, Hervey just ended up pulling out the chair in frustration, sitting down upon it in a heavy heap, his arms crossed. "... So, now what?? Don't tell me I have to actually go on a date with you?"
Euram crossed his arms as well, and stared at a spot in the distance, while bouncing his crossed legs irritated. “Of course not!” he shouted, leg bouncing more forcefully. “It was bad enough to have that gladiator insist upon one! I will not take that degradation again!” It may not have been Hervey’s fault either, but he was there to be blamed and sometimes that’s all that matters.
... Hervey couldn't help but let out a short laugh at that, a little bit cheered up now that he saw Euram looking more irritated than him. "... Gladiator?" He said, looking a little amused as he leaned back in his chair, making himself comfortable. "You had to go on a date with a gladiator?" He paused. "... Which one? Heheh."
Hervey’s amusement, only served to increase Euram’s annoyance. “Shoon of course!” he said, conveying what he obviously thought of Hervey’s intelligence with his irate gaze. “I do not see what is so funny? You have been duped by that woman too!”
... Okay, that was a bit too much. The idea of Shoon and Euram together kind of made Hervey laugh even more, and without really thinking (then again, when did Hervey ever think before he spoke?) he blurted out, "I guess we know which one was the guy in the relationship there then, eh?" He didn't even seem to hear the last bit, way too caught up in laughing.
Euram slammed his fist down on the table, the violent action diminished by his wince at the pain. He shook away from the pained expression and managed to get his aggravated face back in force. “What do you mean by that?” he asked positively scandalized. “There is not relationship for such thoughts to be discussed!”
"Right, right, riiiiight." Hervey waved a hand, the sight of Euram wincing at his own action making the whole thing even funnier. His voice was a little breathless after his laughter as he finally managed to speak. "... But, you know, hypothetically... we both know who'd be the man." ... And that sent him into another snicker, no matter how hard he tried to control his expression.
”Shut up!” Euram yelled, looking around now worried that someone would hear this and get the wrong impression. “Oh my..such thoughts!” he said, trying to fall into his normal snide voice, but mostly failing in his excitement. “Why I had no idea you had such interest in a pairing! I’m certain the gladiator would be most apt should you choose to make proper overtures.”
Hervey had been laughing, but upon hearing that he froze a little, and then stared. He looked like he was about to punch a kitten at Euram's suggestion, except... "... What the hell is an overture?"
His ego fueled by Hervey’s sudden silence, Euram found it much easier to settle into a self-assured pose. “Oh my, but of course a pirate would not know the proper ways to woo,” he said with a wicked smirk. “Why, in proper circles one would want to announce their intentions before…ah hem…escorting their wom..oh my apologies…the light of their eye back to their quarters.”
Hervey had a sinking suspicion about what Euram may have been implying now, and he slowly stood up, palms slamming down onto the table in front of him. "... Heheheh... Just what're you saying... pansy?" There was a sort of not-too-happy, fierce grin on Hervey's face now.
Euram jumped at the slamming sound, and he shrank further back at the odd grin on the other’s face. He fought to keep his composure, but it shifted back and forth into cowering. “Why…I thought that should be obvious..haha” he said, trying to still sound smug. “Why else would you have such an interest in hypotheticals?”
That grin still on his face, Hervey leaned over the table, trying to loom over Euram. "We're talking about hypotheticals in your situation, you little twat...!" Hervey was doing his damned best not to resort to his childish antics of hitting someone over the head over a small insult right now. Well, not that Hervey found the insult to be small, but... "You know, you're sounding a little hopeful that I'd, y'know, swing that way..."
Euram’s jaw dropped at the insinuation, emotions clearly playing on his face. “Ha!” he insisted loudly, pointing with an extended arm, mostly to put distance between them while not appearing scared. “Y..you were the one who began such a discourse! And it was you not I that decided to sit at lunch with another man!”
"Sit.. at... lunch!?" Hervey stared at that pointed finger, tempted to grab it and break it or something equally drastic. Instead, he just continued to grin, sweeping his hand in a gesture at the table. "I don't see any lunch here, you delusional loon! ... Unless, you know, you're offering yourself up... which makes you the one who bats for the other team!"
Hervey won that round. Euram stayed frozen in place, his brain trying to wrap around what the other had just said. Not only was it lewd and…he didn’t understand all of the colloquialisms. “What team? What by the sun are you talking about?” he asked, shrinking into himself completely.
"Hah!" Hervey finally leaned back, standing up straight, though one hand was still palm-down on the surface of the table. His other hand was just resting on his hip, in a much triumphant pose. "Feigned innocence! That's the first step! ... Second step?" He paused to think, then shook his head. "... Next comes denial, right? ... Either way, I'm right, you're wrong!"
“Never!” Euram replied instantly, not even sure what they were arguing about at the moment. He still didn’t know what teams he was talking about. “You are quite wrong,” he insisted, resuming his crossed pose now that the other had backed up. “And quite impossible to have a conversation with as you make little sense!”
"Denial." Hervey clicked his fingers, smirking. "I was right after all! ... And now you're doing... what was it? -- changing the topic!" He laughed, nodding and talking... mostly to himself, really. "You're just digging yourself a bigger hole!"
“Wh..tch…” Euram sputtered, trying hard to maintain his control and work through exactly what was going on so he could come out victorious. All he knew for certain was that this was a challenge, and he was not going to loose to a pirate! “Oh yes? And what about you? You have denied, feigned innocence and continually turned the course of the topic away from yourself! You are most guilty of your own devised rules!” he shouted again pointing.
... Well... ... ... ...... crap. "H-huh?" Hervey looked flustered for a moment and then quickly shook his head, looking slightly bewildered at the turn of events. This was unfair! "What th -- you're not allowed to use my rules, dumbass! Make up your ow -- well, don't make up your own -- wait, you know what? Just shut up!"
“Ha ha!” Euram laughed in triumph. He knew the pirate would be no match for his superior intellect. “So you admit they were merely fabricated in some false attempt at a trial!” He sat back haughtily, casting a superior gaze at Hervey, “And to not presume to tell me what to do!”
"... I'll make you fall in the lake in just a second!" Hervey retorted back in irritation. "... Wait, why the hell am I arguing with you, anyway!? I can just rip your head off your shoulders and mail it to... somewhere." He finished off his threat a little lamely, but the threat was still there.
That was enough to get Euram’s attention. He paled, and got up from his chair, putting it between himself and Hervey. “S..Such violence!” S..Surely you are not still so uncivilized as that…”
"Watch who you're calling uncivilized..." Hervey grumbled, about to get himself into another pointless, childish argument... but then he quickly went onto his point. "... Listen, just admit I'm right and I'll let you go and we'll pretend this neeever happened, alright?"
Euram stopped retreating, but he had no intention of moving to the other side of his chair. Who knew when that beast would snap again. “Right about what?” he asked. “You have changed topic so much in the past few moments it is impossible to know what convoluted thoughts are attempting to find a place within your head.”
"Convoluted... what?" That forced Hervey to double-take again. "What the hell does that even mean!? ... You know, stop... stop doing that!" He seemed a little irritated at Euram's fancy, long-winded phrasing. This encounter seemed to serve as a reminder of why he hated putting up with nobles. "... Just admit I'm right full stop. Alright?"
“I will admit to nothing, you oaf,” Euram shot back, much braver behind his shield in the shape of a chair. “Why can you not be more like Sigurd? He is a proper pirate…you are a…lout.”
That seemed to strike a bit of a nerve. "Tch, damn, if I had a potch for every time I heard that...!" He crossed his arms again, probably to restrain himself from leaping over the table and chair and strangling Euram right at that second. "For your information, Sigurd... it's not like he isn't a proper pirate, but I'll be damned if..." He trailed off. "... augh, whatever! Shut up!"
Euram did not like being told what to do, but he felt he had won this round so he had nothing else to say. He merely stood with a haughty smile upon his face, letting the silence to carry over, almost challengingly.
Seeing that look on Euram's face didn't exactly help make Hervey's mood any better this time, and the silence was tempting him to go on another rant. Refraining, however, he just took a deep breath... and said, grudgingly, "... Alright, let's just pretend this never happened, okay? Not mention it to Queen or anything? ... Not mention it to anyone?"
“That may be the most rational thing to have ever escaped your mouth,” Euram said, unable to disagree with him this time. “However, that unpleasant woman is already most aware of it as it was of her devising.”
"So? ... We can just pretend we both missed the damn date or something." Hervey shook his head, a hand beginning to mess with his own hair as he tried to think of something. "... Maybe we could even set Queen up on her own date... You know, secretly."
Euram was so busy grumbling he almost missed the emphasis in the final sentence. “Oh?” he asked, suddenly getting intrigued. True the other man was an oafish lout as he had previously stated, but then…so was Roy and he had proven useful…to a point. “It would be the most poetic justice for her to be served a portion of her own medicine…A generous portion.”
Hervey was experiencing the almost completely foreign feeling of being a mastermind here. "Heh, exactly. And, you know, it'd just be us being generous, right? ... Totally zero harm outta' it, technically." He wasn't exactly sure where he was going with this, but damn, he knew he had to be onto something.
Thoroughly intrigued now, Euram sat back down in the chair ready to discuss. “Of course!” he agreed loudly. “Why there can be no harm in merely returning her…generosity.”
"We are geniuses." Hervey said, chuckling. Even if this was only his first date, he already felt totally jipped and was loving the idea of revenge... nevermind that his accomplice would be Euram of all people. "All we need to do is find someone totally freakish, like, say, Cornelio... and we can let the magic happen!"
“I thought we wished to repay her generosity..not actually benefit her,” Euram said sounding almost confused. Almost, because he was convinced the problem was that Hervey was merely too dim to understand the best ways to exact revenge. Clearly he would have to take the reigns as the mastermind. “A great musical talent would not be proper for this retribution…no…surely there must be something better.”
"... Better?" Hervey raised an eyebrow, looking disbelieving of Euram. He thought the idea of Cornelio writing Queen a couple of hundred love songs and following her around with his freakish elf things sounded pretty damn scary, but if Euram had a better idea... "... Right, you're gonna' have to elaborate on that, 'cause I'm drawing a blank here... Unless you want to drag Luca Blight over to her, and if that's what you want, be my guest, 'cause I'm not coming anywhere near that guy.
Euram shivered at the mention of Blight…yes that might be fitting, but quite unavailable as he would not be willing to approach him either. “Ah yes…Perhaps we are looking at this problem wrong!” he supplied. “Yes…perhaps the best is not a date, but some other form of retribution…perhaps a potion put in her drink or an embarrassing moment made public…”
"... Embarrassing moment?" That was a little tempting, but Hervey wondered what would be enough to embarrass Queen. She seemed to be pretty steely in terms of those things, and she had run around the castle naked once... hadn't she? "... Like what, eh?"
“I don’t know,” Euram said, sounding as though he blamed Hervey for that fact. “Obviously if we do not have such a thing presently, it must be sought out! Or fabricated if need be. Once made public the truth of a rumor is irrelevant!”
"... You're a bit of a bastard, aren't you?" He said that almost thoughtfully, not sure if he liked this idea or not. He shook his head, shrugging. "Well, I know I'll be able to fend for myself when it comes to Queen's wrath, so it's up to you how far you're gonna' take this." He seemed a little amused again, totally game.
Content in playing the roll of a mastermind out for reven…justice, Euram accepted the comment as a compliment. “Naturally you would think of physical prowess, but the key to this is to cover our tracks so that it cannot be traced back, rendering that point moot.”
"... Sure." Hervey said dumbly, just playing along. He really didn't know the first thing about covering his own tracks when it came to this kind of thing. He was more the type to just get out there and deal with someone head-on, not... from the shadows. "So basically, you just wanna' try to keep yourself completely safe and off the hook, huh?"
“So tactlessly stated,” Euram muttered to himself loud enough to be heard. “Must you be taught the way to a proper mode of reprisal?” he asked louder, getting annoyed. “If I am to be expected to do everything I see no reason why you should be involved at all.”
"Hey, this was my idea, tough guy." Hervey said pointedly, but instead of arguing further, he sat down again, looking as if he was going to stay. "... Listen, how about this, then? Sit down, and we'll bounce ideas off each other, alright?? ... And I promise I won't try to kill you... I think."
“Hmpf, your offer leaves a great deal to be desired,” Euram said. However, he had little choice if he wanted this vengeance. It could not be carried out without an underling after all…whatever ‘it’ turned out to be. “Agree, I’m certain I will arrive at a suitable plan within short order.”