(no subject)
Sometimes religious types like to say that they were atheists at some point in the past, and then they use this as a jumping-off point for insulting atheism. Apart from the fact that it's a such a thinly-veiled attempt at attacking atheists, the entire premise of it is invariably false. If someone were to truly question religious belief to the point that they came to the conclusion that the whole idea of a supernatural aspect to reality was unbelievable, how could there be any going back from that?
I've come to this train of thought for a few reasons. The other day when I was feeling down, I decided to yell at some people on Gaia Online as part of my strategy to cheer up. Some of the people I railed against had claimed to be atheists in the past, and were now wondering where all the opposition to religious thought comes from. But that's not what really set me off to write this now; that's just something that happened recently at the start of this line of thought.
See, I attend a number of campus groups at UConn, one of which being the Pagan Organization for Diverse Spirituality. When I first joined two years ago, it was because I was practicing paganism at the time and wanted to be around like-minded people, and also because my own knowledge and practictioning was quite lackluster at the time. Even after becoming skeptical a year ago, I continued to attend because of my interest in mythology and my continued open-mindedness towards supernatural phenomena.
But just recently, at the start of the new semester, PODS has gotten some new members, to which I was initially quite joyful about(our numbers had been incredibly scarce for the past year). But as they were introducing themselves, two of them explicitly mentioned that they had in the past been atheists. I feel like I made a mistake in not calling them out on it; I still have yet to talk to them about this. Obviously I didn't want to make a scene at the time, but it upset me how they could claim to have been atheists, and then somehow after that thrown away their disbelief and questioning. One of them even specified that she left atheism because she felt it was too depressing. How does that work? Step 1: Determine that belief in the supernatural is ridiculous, Step 2: Fear death, Step 3: Surrender to wishful thinking and lie to yourself. It doesn't make any sense.
I guess the other option is that they were never really skeptical in the first place, which means they were never really atheists, they were just a bit unsure about the whole 'worship' thing.
And it bothers me. I'm not sure why, but I'm really perturbed by this. Maybe it's just so bizarre to see people willing lie to themselves, and somehow actually manage to pull off the self-delusion even after having been skeptical and finding the flaws in faith. Maybe I'm offended to have been lied to, to have had someone claim to have walked down this same path I do while in reality not even beginning to understand it. Or maybe it's the thought that someone could be so wrong as to think that atheism is a nihilistic philosophy, when in reality it's a matter of dealing with reality rather than pretending that there's more to life than what we have in the real world now. As that old 41st millennium saying goes, "Hope is the first step on the road to disappointment."
Now, I'm not trying to be super depressing about all this. Lacking false hope is not the same as living a bleak, dreary, meaningless existence. Quite to the contrary, my atheism has given me a sense of purpose, and I'm more optimistic than I've ever been in my life. Unlike my early years, when I allowed myself to believe that god would reward good people and punish evil people, thereby relieving me of any obligation of justice; unlike my teen years, when my belief in a long chain of successive lives meant I would have ample opportunities to help people; now that I am an atheist I know that in order to do good, in order to help people, I must do it here and now. It's why I wear my atheism so publicly. If somebody allows themself to believe in something they've already proven to themself is false, how can anything good come of that?
Maybe that's what's got me: Just how far this world is from casting off the shackles of blind faith. Just how unwilling people are to face reality. Just how ready people are to lie to themselves and everybody around them, just for the sake of maintaining their illusion of wishful thinking.
I've come to this train of thought for a few reasons. The other day when I was feeling down, I decided to yell at some people on Gaia Online as part of my strategy to cheer up. Some of the people I railed against had claimed to be atheists in the past, and were now wondering where all the opposition to religious thought comes from. But that's not what really set me off to write this now; that's just something that happened recently at the start of this line of thought.
See, I attend a number of campus groups at UConn, one of which being the Pagan Organization for Diverse Spirituality. When I first joined two years ago, it was because I was practicing paganism at the time and wanted to be around like-minded people, and also because my own knowledge and practictioning was quite lackluster at the time. Even after becoming skeptical a year ago, I continued to attend because of my interest in mythology and my continued open-mindedness towards supernatural phenomena.
But just recently, at the start of the new semester, PODS has gotten some new members, to which I was initially quite joyful about(our numbers had been incredibly scarce for the past year). But as they were introducing themselves, two of them explicitly mentioned that they had in the past been atheists. I feel like I made a mistake in not calling them out on it; I still have yet to talk to them about this. Obviously I didn't want to make a scene at the time, but it upset me how they could claim to have been atheists, and then somehow after that thrown away their disbelief and questioning. One of them even specified that she left atheism because she felt it was too depressing. How does that work? Step 1: Determine that belief in the supernatural is ridiculous, Step 2: Fear death, Step 3: Surrender to wishful thinking and lie to yourself. It doesn't make any sense.
I guess the other option is that they were never really skeptical in the first place, which means they were never really atheists, they were just a bit unsure about the whole 'worship' thing.
And it bothers me. I'm not sure why, but I'm really perturbed by this. Maybe it's just so bizarre to see people willing lie to themselves, and somehow actually manage to pull off the self-delusion even after having been skeptical and finding the flaws in faith. Maybe I'm offended to have been lied to, to have had someone claim to have walked down this same path I do while in reality not even beginning to understand it. Or maybe it's the thought that someone could be so wrong as to think that atheism is a nihilistic philosophy, when in reality it's a matter of dealing with reality rather than pretending that there's more to life than what we have in the real world now. As that old 41st millennium saying goes, "Hope is the first step on the road to disappointment."
Now, I'm not trying to be super depressing about all this. Lacking false hope is not the same as living a bleak, dreary, meaningless existence. Quite to the contrary, my atheism has given me a sense of purpose, and I'm more optimistic than I've ever been in my life. Unlike my early years, when I allowed myself to believe that god would reward good people and punish evil people, thereby relieving me of any obligation of justice; unlike my teen years, when my belief in a long chain of successive lives meant I would have ample opportunities to help people; now that I am an atheist I know that in order to do good, in order to help people, I must do it here and now. It's why I wear my atheism so publicly. If somebody allows themself to believe in something they've already proven to themself is false, how can anything good come of that?
Maybe that's what's got me: Just how far this world is from casting off the shackles of blind faith. Just how unwilling people are to face reality. Just how ready people are to lie to themselves and everybody around them, just for the sake of maintaining their illusion of wishful thinking.