high school
so at this point i am doing worse in school than i ever have before. as a result my parents act like they care by punishing me. my feelings are that if they did care, they would have paid attention earlier and caught this before it got so bad. another option is to chill the fuck out and let me get out of it the way i got into it. my thing is that i am the most busy person i know. i play three sports and i am in honors classes in school. even though i usually get home by 9 every night and have time for homework i don't always care to spend my time doing that. also i really don't think school is the most important thing in a kid's life. as many kids who get taken out of school because their mental health is not in check, makes me think that that may be more important. a big part of my mental health is my social life and my music. when my parents think that taking the only two things that really mean anything to me is going to make care about things i never cared about before (school,them) is rediculous. now they are saying if my grades don't improve, i will not be able to work at jobs i recently applied for. i don't know how i am going to be able to take this because at this point i am quite willing to be a border at their house (which they so generously offered recently). i would ba able to come and go as i please and have the friends i want (another issue we have) but i would have no perks of being apart of a family. i know how important having a family is to me and how much i would regret not having one but there is also this part of me that knows how much pain they cause and how much they expect which i am unwilling or unable to give. i guess right now i am mostly wondering if my being here is more or less already bording. we don't really connect anymore and i seem to be in my room more than i am not, rarely interacting with them etc. i guess the main reason i didn't accept the offer when it happened was because i need rides here and there that i wouldn't if i had said yes. i know i would be able to take care of myself and i know i would have enough support from friends etc. to be able to do the things i needed to do. i know i wouldn't do as well as i theoretically could but i am not doing that now. i also wonder if the offer is non-refundable. if i wanted to do this i don't know if i could ever change my mind. if there was a trial run or it would be the end all do all period. whatever. i guess i'll just stick it out like have done so much before. it would be sweet if i could work all this out. i doubt it though because my parent are unreasonable in many ways.
sux huh?
sux huh?