Engaging Massive Nerd Time Travel debate (or what a nerd couple comes up with on a Friday night)
I found myself on a quiet Friday night watching old episodes of Star Trek: Voyager. So naturally, I talked to newsy891 about it.
Me: Voyager has acquired a pet, but it wants to commit suicide. It's a pet bomb. It wants to be a bomb, but it's little. Two people could carry the little ship-bomb pet thing.
Newsy891: A pet bomb?
Me: Warp capable sentient anti-matter bomb, but when they found it, it had forgotten what it was and it was frightened and alone and asking where its arms and legs had gone. Maybe it was a Cybus Bomb - "Why can't I feel? It's so cold."
Newsy891: Why don't I remember this one? Is this where Voyager jumped the shark?
Me: heh. The previous episdoe was a bit that way. A time travel episode where the 29th century time-travel agent Braxton, who had been left behind in the 20th century, was rehabilitated and reinstated to a Federation Timeship. He later went mental and stuffed his career because USS Voyager kept mucking him up as the producers didn't have enough ideas with what to do in Season 4 so they kept writing time travel stories. In story it was the job of this Braxton guy to fix up their lack of imagination... Voyager's time paradoxes.
So an older version of himself went back in time to install a time-bomb in Voyager during the Season 1 pilot episode but gets caught by time-travelling Seven of Nine. So of course Braxton then does a Dalek-style emergency temporal shift and goes further back in time to install the bomb before Voyager is commissioned while it's still in the shipyards. Seven catches him again.
Newsy891: and then River Song writes it all down in a book and the Angels come get Rory and Amy.
Me: Braxton jumps forward to try again, gets caught again only Seven passes out in front of herself (of course) because she's time jumped too many times. Braxton is arrested, twice, at different ages. Captain Janeway then is sent back in time to stop him again as Seven is too sick from... plot abuse I think. So now three Braxtons have been arrested. They are merged and put on trial, where the Judge, who is a shark, jumps out of the water and eats Fonzie mid-flight. Thus erasing the phrase "Jumping the Shark" from history. Thus this Voyager episode never took place as it was never written.
But Henry Winkler, unemployed earlier in life when written out of Happy Days as a shark victim, starts MacGuyver ten years earlier with a different lead actor. So Richard Dean Anderson never rises to prominence and the Stargate TV series is never made.
Newsy891: **throws many things at you**
Newsy891: I hope you're saving all this somewhere.
Me: Thus erasing for all time of those damn stupid Stargate fans who created a hundred different excuses as to why Stargate was the longest ever science-fiction TV series instead of Doctor Who. Doctor Who ran 19 years longer than Stargate (not even including new Doctor Who episodes) and really the claim only existed in the first place because the folks at Guiness Book of Records, after drinking too much of their own primary product presumably, couldn't be bothered to do the simplest bit of research to validate Stargate producers claim! Why not accept you were just wrong!
Me: Voyager has acquired a pet, but it wants to commit suicide. It's a pet bomb. It wants to be a bomb, but it's little. Two people could carry the little ship-bomb pet thing.
Newsy891: A pet bomb?
Me: Warp capable sentient anti-matter bomb, but when they found it, it had forgotten what it was and it was frightened and alone and asking where its arms and legs had gone. Maybe it was a Cybus Bomb - "Why can't I feel? It's so cold."
Newsy891: Why don't I remember this one? Is this where Voyager jumped the shark?
Me: heh. The previous episdoe was a bit that way. A time travel episode where the 29th century time-travel agent Braxton, who had been left behind in the 20th century, was rehabilitated and reinstated to a Federation Timeship. He later went mental and stuffed his career because USS Voyager kept mucking him up as the producers didn't have enough ideas with what to do in Season 4 so they kept writing time travel stories. In story it was the job of this Braxton guy to fix up their lack of imagination... Voyager's time paradoxes.
So an older version of himself went back in time to install a time-bomb in Voyager during the Season 1 pilot episode but gets caught by time-travelling Seven of Nine. So of course Braxton then does a Dalek-style emergency temporal shift and goes further back in time to install the bomb before Voyager is commissioned while it's still in the shipyards. Seven catches him again.
Newsy891: and then River Song writes it all down in a book and the Angels come get Rory and Amy.
Me: Braxton jumps forward to try again, gets caught again only Seven passes out in front of herself (of course) because she's time jumped too many times. Braxton is arrested, twice, at different ages. Captain Janeway then is sent back in time to stop him again as Seven is too sick from... plot abuse I think. So now three Braxtons have been arrested. They are merged and put on trial, where the Judge, who is a shark, jumps out of the water and eats Fonzie mid-flight. Thus erasing the phrase "Jumping the Shark" from history. Thus this Voyager episode never took place as it was never written.
But Henry Winkler, unemployed earlier in life when written out of Happy Days as a shark victim, starts MacGuyver ten years earlier with a different lead actor. So Richard Dean Anderson never rises to prominence and the Stargate TV series is never made.
Newsy891: **throws many things at you**
Newsy891: I hope you're saving all this somewhere.
Me: Thus erasing for all time of those damn stupid Stargate fans who created a hundred different excuses as to why Stargate was the longest ever science-fiction TV series instead of Doctor Who. Doctor Who ran 19 years longer than Stargate (not even including new Doctor Who episodes) and really the claim only existed in the first place because the folks at Guiness Book of Records, after drinking too much of their own primary product presumably, couldn't be bothered to do the simplest bit of research to validate Stargate producers claim! Why not accept you were just wrong!