(no subject)
I've always been proud of my family, I was privileged enough to have parents who never fought in front of us and never spoke loudly enough to each other that voices raised in anger came through the walls. My mum, though she was unfortunately unable to let go and be silly with (or without) us was and is an incredibly caring and capable woman. I knew (and know) that when I'm feeling at my most vulnerable or my most sad that I can call on her anytime and she will be there for me. My dad, though he was unfortunately distant for much of my childhood and had a difficult time creating sustainable, long-term adult relationships also had a huge part in showing me that life isn't just about serious personal development and that moderation can (should?) sometimes be stretched to see and know what our limits are.
It grieves me now, my family is no longer what it once was. An I'm not so torn up by the dissolution of my parents relationship.. really I think that I'd have been joyful for my parents if they could have split amicably, with both of them recognising that they'd drifted and had not, for a long time, really been in what I would consider to be a romantic relationship. Instead, I am, for all intents and purposes, out one father. He's so far gone that I'm finding it hard to even think of him as person let alone as a parent.. and the hole in my heart where his presence was, where the simple knowledge of him lived, hurts more than I can express in words.
It grieves me now, my family is no longer what it once was. An I'm not so torn up by the dissolution of my parents relationship.. really I think that I'd have been joyful for my parents if they could have split amicably, with both of them recognising that they'd drifted and had not, for a long time, really been in what I would consider to be a romantic relationship. Instead, I am, for all intents and purposes, out one father. He's so far gone that I'm finding it hard to even think of him as person let alone as a parent.. and the hole in my heart where his presence was, where the simple knowledge of him lived, hurts more than I can express in words.