Secret Sharers
Secret Sharers
Name: Falafel
Title: Secret Sharers
Summary: Sun wishes to know why Charlie made his confession to her. She then makes a confession of her own, which brings the two of them closer together. Charlie isn't the only one with guilty secrets. Set the day after the events of 'Expose'.
Rating: PG-13
Characters: Sun and Charlie.
Word Count: 1316
Disclaimer: I don't own Lost.
Author's Note: As much as I liked Charlie confessing to Sun about his part in Sawyer's con I felt that the moment was all too brief. I suppose you can't have long winded dialogue scenes in an action-driven TV show...but you can in fanfic! This is my first time writing Sun, who has always been a favourite character of mine. I'm very captivated by Sun but she is also something of an enigma to me.
Charlie was hunched over his knees, wheezing with exhaustion. He had been working on the church for the last six hours or more without a break. Without Eko to help him chop up the wood and heave the lumber, his construction work had become far more strenuous. His t-shirt was drenched with sweat. Every part of his body was throbbing. He knew he would be stiff and soar tomorrow. Maybe that was the reason he was working himself so hard. A little self-flagellation...
Charlie straightened and lifted his head to see the person who he had been thinking about all afternoon and the last person who he had expected to come and visit him out at his building site. The Korean woman stood beside his church, her eyes piercing him, though they were blank and lifeless.
“Aren’t you joining the others for the feast?” she asked vaguely.
Charlie was too dumbstruck to respond. Sun turned away from him and sat herself down in the sand, staring out over the ocean.
“I’m not hungry either,” she added.
Charlie waited timidly for her to speak again, but she remained silent. Yet even in her cold muteness Charlie felt like Sun was reaching out to him. He stepped outside the framework of the church and sat beside her in the sand. Not too close. He didn’t feel like he had the right to be near her.
“I didn’t think you’d ever speak to me again,” he said quietly.
“Charlie, I can’t think about anything else. You are the only person I can talk about it with.” Sun sounded very tired. He wondered if she had slept last night. “Why did you tell me, Charlie? Why now?”
He swallowed hard. His shame was like a noose causing his throat to tighten. He struggled to answer her.
“I wanted to tell you before. The day we buried Ana and Libby…I was going to tell you then. I’d been doing a lot of thinking. I wanted to try and put things right. I had gotten rid of all those heroin statues and the next thing I wanted to do was tell you. But then the boat arrived and you and Jin were going off with Sayid. After that, I don’t know…I could never find the right moment.”
Charlie glanced across at Sun. Her face was still expressionless. She did not appear to be angry or upset. She just seemed to want a deeper explanation of the confession he had made. He grimaced and continued.
“Yesterday…yesterday when you said that you had thought the Others were going to kill you…I didn’t want you thinking that, Sun. I know what it’s like. I can never stop thinking about the time they took me and strung me up. I can’t believe I made you feel the same. I hate myself for that, Sun. I hate myself…”
Charlie’s voice was stammering now. Silences made him nervous. He always had to fill them up with relentless blathering until somebody told him to be quiet.
“Are you…are you scared of dying here, Sun?” The words were just spilling out. “Do you ever think about…about being buried on this island? When we die…do you think we will be judged and punished for our sins…?”
“I’m not a Catholic, Charlie,” said Sun, mercifully interrupting him. “If I had done what you did, I would never have admitted to it.”
“Yeah, but you haven’t done anything wrong, Sun.”
She suddenly turned to look at him. Her face tensed and tears sprang into her eyes. Charlie wanted to comfort her, but he knew she wouldn’t want him touching her.
“What is it?” he asked tentatively.
Sun sighed as though letting go of a heavy burden.
“When Jin left me…when he found out that I had been lying to him…that I spoke English and never told him…I…I didn’t know what to do. I thought if he went on the raft I would never see him again. It was me who poisoned the water bottles. I wanted to make him sick, so he would have to stay. But I ended up hurting Michael instead. I was so foolish. It could have been Walt who drank from the bottle and with that dose he might have…I wanted to explain and say that I was sorry. But I was afraid that nobody would understand. Without Jin…I was just so…”
Her voice trailed off.
“Messed up?” Charlie offered.
Sun closed her eyes and nodded. Charlie felt a little relieved that this situation had allowed Sun to confess a guilty secret of her own, even though he felt his crime was still the worst. He had never spoken like this with Sun before, though he had always liked the woman.
Charlie could remember his feelings of reluctance when Sawyer had told him he would have to stage a kidnap for their plan to work. He had initially objected when Sawyer had chosen Sun as their victim, but the conman had reasoned that her isolation in her garden made her the ideal target and bluntly remarked that Sun was one of the few people Charlie had any hope of overpowering. Then Sawyer had reminded him that Sun had been amongst the group who had stood around and watched as Locke had beaten him down.
That had pushed him into a resolve. At the time, Charlie had felt like he had no friends on the island. None of them had cared when he was attacked. Sawyer seemed like the only person who was on his side. Or at least the only person who was talking to him and had found a way for Charlie to be useful again.
Sun’s voice broke into his thoughts.
“I keep a lot of secrets from my husband, Charlie,” she confided in hushed tones. “And now I have one more.”
“You can tell him if you want,” he said carelessly.
Charlie wasn’t feeling brave when he said this. He simply felt like he had no right to ask for any favours. Sun stared at him in astonishment.
“He would kill you.”
Charlie shrugged. “I’m dead anyway…”
Sun shook her head in confusion.
“Charlie, why do you keep talking about death?”
He fidgeted and fiddled with his hair, realising that he was just letting things tumbled out of his mouth now. He did not wish to explain to anyone else about Desmond’s visions. He tried to backtrack a little.
“It’s just a feeling. I think I’ll be in that graveyard soon. It doesn’t really matter how it happens does it? If Jin killed me, I’d deserve it.”
“Do you really think it would make me feel better?” Sun asked him sharply. “Do you think I want your death on my conscience? Do you think that I want my husband to kill another man over me?”
Charlie flinched at the word ‘another’, but he did not question her over it. Looking into Sun’s eyes he sensed that there was more darkness and shame within this woman than Charlie would have ever suspected.
“I will never tell Jin,” she said resolutely. “And you must never tell Claire. What’s done is done. Why confess something that will only upset them?”
“Right," he nodded. "Should I not have told you either?”
Sun considered this for a moment.
“I’m glad that you told me,” she said at last. “Sometimes I feel like I am carrying so many secrets around with me. So many lies…so much guilt…I have nobody to share it with. Sometimes I feel so alone…”
Sun glanced at Charlie again. Then she winced and turned away as though she had just seen her reflection in a mirror and hadn’t liked the look of it. She rose to her feet and hurried back towards the camp. Charlie was left sitting in the shadow of the church, which had just taken its first confession.
The End
Name: Falafel
Title: Secret Sharers
Summary: Sun wishes to know why Charlie made his confession to her. She then makes a confession of her own, which brings the two of them closer together. Charlie isn't the only one with guilty secrets. Set the day after the events of 'Expose'.
Rating: PG-13
Characters: Sun and Charlie.
Word Count: 1316
Disclaimer: I don't own Lost.
Author's Note: As much as I liked Charlie confessing to Sun about his part in Sawyer's con I felt that the moment was all too brief. I suppose you can't have long winded dialogue scenes in an action-driven TV show...but you can in fanfic! This is my first time writing Sun, who has always been a favourite character of mine. I'm very captivated by Sun but she is also something of an enigma to me.
Charlie was hunched over his knees, wheezing with exhaustion. He had been working on the church for the last six hours or more without a break. Without Eko to help him chop up the wood and heave the lumber, his construction work had become far more strenuous. His t-shirt was drenched with sweat. Every part of his body was throbbing. He knew he would be stiff and soar tomorrow. Maybe that was the reason he was working himself so hard. A little self-flagellation...
Charlie straightened and lifted his head to see the person who he had been thinking about all afternoon and the last person who he had expected to come and visit him out at his building site. The Korean woman stood beside his church, her eyes piercing him, though they were blank and lifeless.
“Aren’t you joining the others for the feast?” she asked vaguely.
Charlie was too dumbstruck to respond. Sun turned away from him and sat herself down in the sand, staring out over the ocean.
“I’m not hungry either,” she added.
Charlie waited timidly for her to speak again, but she remained silent. Yet even in her cold muteness Charlie felt like Sun was reaching out to him. He stepped outside the framework of the church and sat beside her in the sand. Not too close. He didn’t feel like he had the right to be near her.
“I didn’t think you’d ever speak to me again,” he said quietly.
“Charlie, I can’t think about anything else. You are the only person I can talk about it with.” Sun sounded very tired. He wondered if she had slept last night. “Why did you tell me, Charlie? Why now?”
He swallowed hard. His shame was like a noose causing his throat to tighten. He struggled to answer her.
“I wanted to tell you before. The day we buried Ana and Libby…I was going to tell you then. I’d been doing a lot of thinking. I wanted to try and put things right. I had gotten rid of all those heroin statues and the next thing I wanted to do was tell you. But then the boat arrived and you and Jin were going off with Sayid. After that, I don’t know…I could never find the right moment.”
Charlie glanced across at Sun. Her face was still expressionless. She did not appear to be angry or upset. She just seemed to want a deeper explanation of the confession he had made. He grimaced and continued.
“Yesterday…yesterday when you said that you had thought the Others were going to kill you…I didn’t want you thinking that, Sun. I know what it’s like. I can never stop thinking about the time they took me and strung me up. I can’t believe I made you feel the same. I hate myself for that, Sun. I hate myself…”
Charlie’s voice was stammering now. Silences made him nervous. He always had to fill them up with relentless blathering until somebody told him to be quiet.
“Are you…are you scared of dying here, Sun?” The words were just spilling out. “Do you ever think about…about being buried on this island? When we die…do you think we will be judged and punished for our sins…?”
“I’m not a Catholic, Charlie,” said Sun, mercifully interrupting him. “If I had done what you did, I would never have admitted to it.”
“Yeah, but you haven’t done anything wrong, Sun.”
She suddenly turned to look at him. Her face tensed and tears sprang into her eyes. Charlie wanted to comfort her, but he knew she wouldn’t want him touching her.
“What is it?” he asked tentatively.
Sun sighed as though letting go of a heavy burden.
“When Jin left me…when he found out that I had been lying to him…that I spoke English and never told him…I…I didn’t know what to do. I thought if he went on the raft I would never see him again. It was me who poisoned the water bottles. I wanted to make him sick, so he would have to stay. But I ended up hurting Michael instead. I was so foolish. It could have been Walt who drank from the bottle and with that dose he might have…I wanted to explain and say that I was sorry. But I was afraid that nobody would understand. Without Jin…I was just so…”
Her voice trailed off.
“Messed up?” Charlie offered.
Sun closed her eyes and nodded. Charlie felt a little relieved that this situation had allowed Sun to confess a guilty secret of her own, even though he felt his crime was still the worst. He had never spoken like this with Sun before, though he had always liked the woman.
Charlie could remember his feelings of reluctance when Sawyer had told him he would have to stage a kidnap for their plan to work. He had initially objected when Sawyer had chosen Sun as their victim, but the conman had reasoned that her isolation in her garden made her the ideal target and bluntly remarked that Sun was one of the few people Charlie had any hope of overpowering. Then Sawyer had reminded him that Sun had been amongst the group who had stood around and watched as Locke had beaten him down.
That had pushed him into a resolve. At the time, Charlie had felt like he had no friends on the island. None of them had cared when he was attacked. Sawyer seemed like the only person who was on his side. Or at least the only person who was talking to him and had found a way for Charlie to be useful again.
Sun’s voice broke into his thoughts.
“I keep a lot of secrets from my husband, Charlie,” she confided in hushed tones. “And now I have one more.”
“You can tell him if you want,” he said carelessly.
Charlie wasn’t feeling brave when he said this. He simply felt like he had no right to ask for any favours. Sun stared at him in astonishment.
“He would kill you.”
Charlie shrugged. “I’m dead anyway…”
Sun shook her head in confusion.
“Charlie, why do you keep talking about death?”
He fidgeted and fiddled with his hair, realising that he was just letting things tumbled out of his mouth now. He did not wish to explain to anyone else about Desmond’s visions. He tried to backtrack a little.
“It’s just a feeling. I think I’ll be in that graveyard soon. It doesn’t really matter how it happens does it? If Jin killed me, I’d deserve it.”
“Do you really think it would make me feel better?” Sun asked him sharply. “Do you think I want your death on my conscience? Do you think that I want my husband to kill another man over me?”
Charlie flinched at the word ‘another’, but he did not question her over it. Looking into Sun’s eyes he sensed that there was more darkness and shame within this woman than Charlie would have ever suspected.
“I will never tell Jin,” she said resolutely. “And you must never tell Claire. What’s done is done. Why confess something that will only upset them?”
“Right," he nodded. "Should I not have told you either?”
Sun considered this for a moment.
“I’m glad that you told me,” she said at last. “Sometimes I feel like I am carrying so many secrets around with me. So many lies…so much guilt…I have nobody to share it with. Sometimes I feel so alone…”
Sun glanced at Charlie again. Then she winced and turned away as though she had just seen her reflection in a mirror and hadn’t liked the look of it. She rose to her feet and hurried back towards the camp. Charlie was left sitting in the shadow of the church, which had just taken its first confession.
The End