songs?
mmk so i was going through old files on my computer and i found these.. i wrote them last year except one i think..so i dont care if you dont like them. they get kind of repetitive because most of them were written on the same day. i liked alot of the same words for different songs because i felt that those few repeating words best described how i felt at the time. so deal with it... although if you have comments on how to make any of them better by all means please comment, but no negative comments because my self esteem is low enough thanks. it was exteremely hard for me to put these up here so id appreciate it if you didnt just blow off that above remark.
Paint me red - part 1
do you hear me? screaming your name.
wishing for you to come rescue me from this place
pieces of glass scattered on the floor
broken heart bleeding from the inside
drowning in my own sorrow
waiting for you to call
shadows casted upon the wall
and ever growing
is my pain for you and me
i wish i could be there with you like she is..
with her hand in yours and faces touching
placing kisses on her forehead
as though she's a little princess in her own defective world
shielded from reality while your her prince
but what about the rest of us
wanting just one chance to make everything all right
wanting someone to stay the night and
make it a better place and take away all this disgrace
because my heart is broken and bleeding from the inside
I'm choking on my own blood and tears
seem to fall like the rain in a summer storm
washing away the pain as the shattered glass is painted red
Paint Me Red - Part 2
do you hear me? screaming your name.
wishing for you to come rescue me from this place.
im sorry, will you ever believe me?
im sorry, but this is my last apology
help me cause im drowning in old memories [drowning in old memories]
well, burn me into ashes of old stories from lost phone calls
and well leave me in this place that i once called home, where i can be alone
the tears have all been shed, as i lie here in my bed and wonder
will you ever believe me or is this world still deceiving me
do you know that i am right outside and do you know how bad i feel inside
the shattered glass is painted red, just like place inside my head
im left on the bathroom floor and the wall where your name was is worn
Letter Of Apology
so far away it seems to me to be like something that i just cant reach will you be there to hold it steady or leave me here with nobody i cant stand to watch you walk away i cant bare to feel this way when will you see im trying to say im sorry will you ever accept my apology and try to make things right with me will you see that i am sick of crying and tired of being without you i am waiting by the phone pretending that im not alone but truth be told i am so cold on this lonely floor will you come join me by the fire warm me up and then retire watch a movie like the old days or will i sit alone by the bay during those november days wishing i could hear your voice poisoned with now loneliness is that all ill ever get no second chance to be the best she is all you ever wanted can she give it without faulting but alas ill never know as i sit here all alone..
fame or fortune
my light is dim and your eyes are looking at her
do you know how that makes me feel
to hear your voice of treason in the air
again and again your voice spins in my head
confusing me and making me go numb
the fire grows dimmer every night
and your out on the town shouting out her name
do you know that that wont get your fame or fortune
in this world of misunderstandings
Cries For Help
standing alone
unwanted by the rest of the world
waiting for the glass to shatter
my aching heart is still bleeding
and yet your 1000 miles away or so it seems
and you dont even hear me scream your name
is like heaven to my ears and pain to my chest
and i cant take this any longer its like
the rain pouring down in a summer storm while
the lightning flashes like never before and
i cant sleep over here while your still over there
the things you say have no meaning anymore
your stuffs right outside my door
what does this all mean and what are you saying
im sick of translating besides
i dont know what im doing
while im stuck in this web of tangled emotions
and thoughts running wild, unwilling, untamed
and furious at the lost causes
its all just lost causes
long way from home
i left everything behind me now
i cant move on til whats done is done
and everythings right again for
im so sick of lost causes and
while their out having fun your stuck by yourself
and im all alone wandering round my room
can you hear my cries for help or are they
just to faint, is she smiling at your knowing eyes and
am i just too late for this isnt meant to be
its really you and me or so i hope in the end
Old Stories From Lost Phone Calls
why do you do this to me
burn me into ashes of old stories from lost phone calls
its a maze i cant escape
no matter how hard i try, its never enough
to fulfill your answers never come
as though the questions do not remain
do you hear my speaking to you
although the words have left me speechless
your bright eyes take me to a different world
and make feel giddy inside should i
follow you home today or is today her day with you
why cant you see me for me not some girl
with a broken heart and a tear-stained face
in a love that doesnt even exist.
hello? hello? why wont you answer your
phone is off the hook once again.
so i guess its just another tragic story with
lost phone calls to you. from me.
Balance
sitting here alone i wonder
what would it be like you and me
wandering my streets of sorrow
will you ever come to see me as i am,
im not sturdy and i need someone to balance me
as for you, i cannot say
for your trapped inside her, wrapped around her finger
and the light has left your eyes with
mixed emotions and thoughts race inside you
some have died in you
and when i look at your face i see
the mystery waiting to be unfolded
and Im wanting to be she who unfold it
and see the confusion, nightmares and dreams
and the hopes of everlasting love
held inside yourself
Paper Cups And Old Excuses
drowning in my own lines
of fucked up melodies with no answers
for myself and my kind
cant you tell me what to do with this blade
its dried up and bloody but dont worry
theres alcohol under the cabinets
and you cant find it its by the sink
yet you left a few hours ago
but you left your scent
and im breathing it in as much as i can
but the airs so thick and warm
its as palpable as a thunder storm
and you dont even care that
i cant reach the bottle
thats left on the bathroom floor
and the wall where your name was is worn
and tired of trying to find you
do you notice im gone?
do you notice im all alone
lying on the floor in my own blood and tears
the carpet is ruined by my painting of you
its war all the time when im thinking of you and your playing
guitars on the counter
strike up the band and play one last song
in our hour long play
this' the last act and your not even here to see it
but the show must go on just as life i suppose
theres a place for you in mine
but not for me in yours
remix-ish thing of kelseys old song
the cuts reopened and they bled like they should
this is the last time i act in your play
your trying so hard to last just one more day
you wake up pretending your so sure it is something you can ignore
but the truth hurts more than you know
and you cant except that its true,
yet its one more thing you gotta do
so just add it to the top your shopping list
and pray to god that this is almost over with
Lovers Lost To Confusion And Conformity
cant you see the red before my eyes
and know how wrong i was inside
you cant help me anymore
you cant find my way again
please dont follow me home
i cant see you ever again
the pain is unbearable
your eyes only bring me more pain
as i follow their glance
you know that our paths different
yet i want them to be the same
you know my life is over
yet again its all the same as usual
you dont even know where i am to go
you cant see how wrong she is
although for me its the right thing to do right now
in the heat of the moment come flashing before me
are my memories
faded and distant and trying to recall
lost lovers fading
waiting for me
am i really that invisible
and so very unconvincing
cant you see that i dont want to be here anymore
one more day in this hell hole and ill be gone
yet no one will care cause you've
taken away everything that ever meant something to me
and dont you know that everytime you do this
it breaks me one more time
why cant i leave this god forsaken place
just for one night
to have no one hurt me
to have no one say that i dont matter
when all i want is so far away
yet so close, nothing is right anymore
nothing is where it should be
fate has taken the wrong path
of which everyone tells you not to take
where you walk it anyway
and tread on its grounds and decided
for yourself what you wish to do
for its your mistake to make
no one elses, how can you grow up
if you cant even make choices
that decide your future happiness
yet as you sit alone, on your couch
and watch tv and fall asleep
while the world is out reigning its terror
upon those who god seems to hate
well i guess its just one more question
to confuse the hopeless and break the hearts of those
who've felt love and lost it to another unfortunate end.
why is this happening? cant you fix it?
why are you letting this destroy all you've worked for..
is it me or are you hiding also
in a corner all alone
loosing the love you once had
loosing it to the conformity
Secrets Of a Bleeding Heart
you left me here, standing alone
with my broken heart still beating
in my hand is held a secret of which you dont know
its speaks to me and tells my thoughts
has me crying late at night after you've left
and gone home back to your world of fun and adventure
of music and girls of which i am not part of
and as you walk by me, my world crumbles
into oblivion until you have gone
the words have left my mouth and my thoughts have all run dry
i long for just one touch of your hand upon mine
to feel the warmth of your hands and stare into those entrapping eyes of yours
why oh why cant you see me
am i really that invisible
why oh why cant you hear me
when all of my feelings are so clear to you now
or so i thought. am i really invisible
or are you just hiding from me
do you like me or just thought you did long ago
before you knew me before she got involved
when nobody knew but you and me
i miss you i miss you so much that it hurts
my heart aches as it struggles to beat
broken and bloody resting in your hands
and each time you leave or go to see her
you break it even more, its crumbling to the floor
be careful
Invisible
Rushing ahead to see
If it’s really you that I need
And I can’t make up my mind
The blood runs red
My hearts stop beating
And I don’t know what I’m hearing
Is it really you I’m seeing?
I can’t breathe
My heart has stopped beating
A long time ago
I thought you were what I needed
But I’m not so sure anymore
Can you see me?
Or am I just invisible to your eyes
Do you still need me
Like I need you
Can you see me?
Or am I just invisible to your eyes
Do you still need me
Like I need you
I can’t breathe
My heart has stopped beating
A long time ago
I thought you were what I needed
But I’m not so sure anymore…
I’m so sick of everything
And everyone is pissing me off
I cant wait ‘til I’m twenty-one
So I can leave this town behind
Can you see me?
Or am I just invisible to you
Can you hear me?
Cause I’m yelling for you
The blood runs fast and cold…
Wish away the pain with my last apology
and when i told you i loved you
i didn't know that it would create
all of the emotions
and have them tumbling (tumbling) down
'cause just seeing your smile darling
makes me happy even on my rainy days (rainy days )
and those rainy days are just so hard to break
i didn't know you didn't feel this way
but if i did i would have spared my pain
why couldn't you let on that you didn't (didn't)
want to be with me
but if you had just said one word
i would have been out of these woods
oh how you should of been the one (been the one)
your eyes are burned in my mind
and your voice is oh so kind
but you don't realize at all do you (do you)
how you make me crazy for you (for you)
oh how i wish that you could see
the way i look at you when your not looking
oh how i wish for one last touch
of your hands and make it last however much
was needed
i just want one more day
one more day to spare the pain
yet i cant so ill just sit here and apologize
and now im forced to lie
and say that i dont love you any more
that im so glad you walked out that door
and that im so happy your not with me
when really all i want to say, is that i miss you
and that i still want to kiss you...
one more time, ill apologize
in hopes that youll forgive me
and take me back to where i belong
cause ive been sitting here for way to long
and all i want, is to go home and be with you
yes thats all that i want to do
but goodbye for now, i miss you
and all i want is to kiss you one last time
cause your eyes are burned in my mind
and your voice is oh. so. kind.... (fade out with guitar)
Paint Me Red - Part 3
do you hear me? screaming your name.
wishing for you to come rescue me from this place
pieces of glass scattered on the floor
i just want to hear you knocking at my door
your eyes are burned in my mind
and your voice is oh so kind
but you don't realize at all do you (do you)
how you make me crazy for you (for you)
oh how i wish that you could see
the way i look at you when your not looking
defining whispers by candle light
and do you know the pain you cause me?
my lips they bleed from the poisonous lies you feed me
and the color of the sunset is just taking its time to realize
that the world is on the edge of something that cant be defined
and if you want to find me then light a candle and
follow the path that leads somewhere new
for i have not yet found you, but you are coming i can hear you
i hear your footsteps and if the silent wind tonight blows out
that flame that rises in your eyes will take its place at midnight
and the birds will sing and clouds will whisper
did you know that he has kissed her
the memories have not yet faded but they linger yes they're jaded
and the chip of the block has not yet found the owner
so take me away from here
and feed me something thats not from last year
cause ive heard all that youve had to say today my dear
so take me away from here
where the tapestry's not a mess
and where cleanliness is close to godliness
so i dont have to hear this, yet
sins of lovers (this is me trying to be like chris and shakespear etc... didnt work out too well)
for thyne eye is breathing in
all of thy sins of thy lovers
where thine own heart is not thous to give
and the clock is saying its time to live
so forget all the troubles that lie ahead
for all that my mind can get is
the melody of which were borne in
unto others is where ill form my parasitic ways of
loving hate.. where thous sins commit
$4.01
take away the joy of morning dew
well, go look upon your blue moons
and hanging in your closet are your swim trunks waiting for
summer's coming but not fast enough, so take your money
and go and buy all the ice cream you can get with four dollars and a penny
so you can have your sleepovers every weekend
while watching Japanese seizure robots and aqua teen hunger force
on T.V. late at night there are cartoons for those who hate reality
and wish that they could leave conformity, then realize they too have fallen victim
to a play of unsuspecting acts, filled with scenes from everyday life
so take your summer days and act filled plays
and carry them to sleep with you, where spooning is the usual
while taking pictures of everyone you know in school
Break the Silence
im not going to lie, these new emotions frighten me
considering ive never felt this nervous before.
i know that this might not be love for you,
but its closer than i've ever been before
or at least i think and ill wait for you after class
and in the afternoons after school
June entries: an end to innocence (ignore the italics)
its not some impulse of happiness or sadness, Loss of Innocence or anyone else who
Changed who you were to fit in: I change who I am to stay out
its not yours or anyone else's fault, its just how i woke up
has there ever been those few, simple lines that describe you perfectly
you really did love her, i see that now. its written in your letters and diary entries
enscripted in your eyes, use it for the funeral.. where I'll see you smile
for the first time in a long time "that's what this entire story has been about" he said
Just a fucked up kid with a drinking problem and old drug habits, just killing myself in the changes. I'm not going to change it. I think its better to live without a soul than a broken heart."
with just those few, simple lines, it would be those few, simple lines
well now i'm breaking down and the tears fall with every touch of a key, dripping down my face even as i type this. Everything is falling apart now... I look into my mirror, and it shatters in front of my eyes. im tired of hurting everyone around me. i just want to die. pull the trigger and tell everyone goodbye. I would write my goodbyes to them, and they would see the blood on the letters.. because i wasnt able to make it any better.. but the People who wanted to speak about me would, and those who didn't would stay silent. but no matter how hard they tried, no one could be more quiet than I... i dont know when but that day is gonna come as for now its all just a lie.. except for the fact that i love you my darling i do -
June Entries: an end to innocence - part 2
here's to a new end. full of red envy, this bottles now empty. break away and bleed in silence. far from here in your red essence. exploit the season, its the fifth beginning, a new June's reason full of senseless breathing. so take away all my razor blades. leave me forsaken. and forgotten. these empty walls have no feeling left. mislead me in this forbidden romance, and in a moments embrace, all the memories fade. oh what a beautiful mistake I've made. broken from the inside, regretting desire. burn my memories, and deepen the scars, save me from myself because I'm still vaguely yours. forgive my actions, divide this silence of ours, stained in red til distant ends, embracing sin kills the virgin innocence. when shrifts of revenge surface, payback my mistakes in a stolen faith. lifeless but still breathing, speak in shame and seep in to my veins. far from sleep, choke down the embers, distill my liquor and close the cabinet door before your gone. at a table for one, my regrets are rising, exhale the poison from my lungs. fold me in, let hateful eyes glisten while you cover me in kisses, and confess all your lies. remember the romance and forget my name. as we speak a midnight silences refusal to believe, lost silence and late nights
have come and dried the tears from our eyes. its left us with broken hearts and closed souls. and well I'm broken from the inside, regretting desire. burn my memories, and deepen the scars, save me from myself because I'm still vaguely yours. forgive all my actions, divide this silence of ours. it has been stained in red until the distance ends. embrace the sin that kills the virgin innocence. fold me in and cover me with kisses from your late tonight's mistaken and your gone. the door has been left open and my hearts been replaced, by a song from a lover's forgotten confessions telling of kisses revenge. goodbye, virgin innocence. goodbye, goodbye. goodbye virgin innocence. here. is to. a new end.
Uncouth Youth
i dont deserve you at all
your too nice to me. to good for me
you can keep me as long as you want.
i miss you so much that its even starting to hurt
and dont apologize for things you cant control
ive never been so sure in my life
dont say that its you whose leaving
cause your all i want right now he told her
one autumn evening it was late november
"all i want right now is you - nothing else
but i cant have you..." he whipsered,
"you know exactly what im talking about,
your the best thing i have right now
oh, i want to keep u forever. "
"oh no," she said, "im no good for you
you just dont know what your getting yourself into"
"yes i do. and all i want, is to keep you in my arms.. forever
well, can i really keep u forever?" forever...
"if you want to. if you want to" she said," just be happy"
"i am but i want you to understand..
and i cant cause im at a loss for words"
well enough of this charade
im through with playing your games.. your games
well the ceilings are cracked
and were taking our words back
the wooden floor is warped with our sweat
on those lonely nights we will soon regret
all those summer nights wasted on you
and now your fleeing the scene
you say you dont ever want to be
here with me again
but i can help that im missing you
i dont know how to describe it
your the only one who will ever understand it
this crazy world which we call life
"all i want is you. can i keep u forever?" forever...
"if you want to. if you want to" she said," just be happy"
"i am but i want you to understand..
and i cant cause im at a loss for words"
enough of these old renditions
of stories soon passed down from generation
to generation, i dont want to hear any more
ive called in my retirement... and
heres my farwell party. hope you like it
it was all for you. always and only for you
i hope you get this letter and remember
all things i told you. and all the things i left unsaid
become clear in the midnight hour
we having nothing to fear but fear itself so they say
but what do they know, trapped behind society's
pressure for the unfit to succeed. this is a deafening scream
from unwilling to believe
for starving eyes cant get their fill of the uncouth youth
of today..