spiraldown
...what's gotten into me? How did I become this man?
Our story so far: I never used to settle. I went out in search of what I wanted. And I'd put it all on the line. My job, my family, my life... Nothing came between me and what I knew I needed... But here I am now... And while it's admittedly more mature and wiser to value those things... I can't remember the last time I went to a party... Or better yet threw one.
I'm going to be 25 soon. Too soon. Six months... And I feel as though I have nothing to show for it. As I sit here my life is in utter dischord. No friends, no personal posessions (barring some CDs and clothing), a job that while I may enjoy it, doesn't reward me or pay me nearly enough to live... And I'm restless. I'm so God damned restless that it's killing me. I can feel my soul begin to atrophy... Because I've done nothing I've genuinely wanted for the last two years or more... And I know it's not me holding onto the past that has gotten me down... It's the lack of a future.
I need out. Rapid City holds me back more than Barstow... And everytime I come up with a way out it falls through... So I have to just do it. Get up and go, or I'll never leave and I will die here... On a borrowed couch in my underwear with a beer gut and lettuce in my teeth. For Christs sake I'm a grown man and capable of doing this...
But where do I start and who do I turn to for help in getting underway?
I want a 25th birthday bash... But nobody will come but me.
Our story so far: I never used to settle. I went out in search of what I wanted. And I'd put it all on the line. My job, my family, my life... Nothing came between me and what I knew I needed... But here I am now... And while it's admittedly more mature and wiser to value those things... I can't remember the last time I went to a party... Or better yet threw one.
I'm going to be 25 soon. Too soon. Six months... And I feel as though I have nothing to show for it. As I sit here my life is in utter dischord. No friends, no personal posessions (barring some CDs and clothing), a job that while I may enjoy it, doesn't reward me or pay me nearly enough to live... And I'm restless. I'm so God damned restless that it's killing me. I can feel my soul begin to atrophy... Because I've done nothing I've genuinely wanted for the last two years or more... And I know it's not me holding onto the past that has gotten me down... It's the lack of a future.
I need out. Rapid City holds me back more than Barstow... And everytime I come up with a way out it falls through... So I have to just do it. Get up and go, or I'll never leave and I will die here... On a borrowed couch in my underwear with a beer gut and lettuce in my teeth. For Christs sake I'm a grown man and capable of doing this...
But where do I start and who do I turn to for help in getting underway?
I want a 25th birthday bash... But nobody will come but me.