225 - "Do not the most moving moments of our lives find us without words?"
I guess that's true. I mean, no, it's true. There have been plenty of times when shared looks between people were better. Or there was this one time where Willow linked up Xander, me, and her mentally somehow using her magic and we were able to think up a plan to show the then-potential-Slayers that those uber-vamps could be killed, just the same as a normal vamp. It was pretty cool, actually, now that I think about it and it worked, which was better.
[Locked from Spike]
I guess it wasn't really moving, though. I don't know, what was moving? Having to kiss Angel good-bye before I shoved a sword into him and sent him to hell for a couple hundred years? Actually, I think I've had fairly moving moments now that I stop to think about it that were nice and quiet. And for some reason, they were all with guys. Go fig. So, yes, there was Angel. First real honest-to-God boyfriend, even though he was over two hundred years older than me, give or take a decade. After I stuck that sword in him, life was pretty much over for me because even though I'd saved the world by killing him, I loved him. It took me awhile to come back to being normal-Buffy after that, and one of the things that helped was Angel coming back, somehow. I still don't know exactly how or why - his stupid Powers That Be? The First messing with him? What mattered at the time was he was alive (so to speak) and with me, only he was… well… not speaking. I ended chaining him up in the abandoned mansion in town so that he wouldn't run wild. Hey, at the time, I thought he was going around killing people. I was wrong, but still. Angel was back. Angel was alive. The torture that Giles said he must have gone through changed him into this wild animal-thing who couldn't talk.
He couldn't do much of anything except growl at me, but even though I was scared out of my mind, he was alive. Angel was there. I guess it relieved some of my guilt over what I'd done to him, but at the time, it was like I'd told Mr. Platt, the school psychiatrist. I loved him. And when the one you love comes back to you like that, even in silence and crazy-animal-ways? It doesn't matter.
[/Locked]
[Locked from Angel & Spike]
Which was why when we move onto guy #2? The silence ended up being better. I think I loved Riley - no, I'm pretty sure that I did, just not the way that I loved Angel - and that all started from innocent flirting between us. He wasn't mysterious. He was a normal guy which to me screamed, "Thank GOD, finally!" except he wasn't. He was some commando-guy, and he was off fighting demons while I was off staking vamps. So when these guys called "The Gentlemen" came and took away our voices (meaning everyone who lived in Sunnydale), I just figured it was a big old pain in the butt. How do you express anything clearly without words? Angel hadn't been able to let me know, after all, that he was somewhere deep inside that animal. But somehow, through the fighting, Riley and I found out each others' secrets. We never would have if we had just been dating like normal people, or trying to talk and/or cover everything up the way we always did. So, again, I was proven wrong. Silence was better. Which takes me to guy #3…
[/Locked]
[Locked from Angel]
Spike. What can I say about him that isn't already the most confusing thing, ever? The night before we had to attack The First, though, he held me in his arms and it gave me the strength to go back out and fight the damn thing. To go back to my own home (which I'd been thrown out of) and reclaim everything, and it wasn't because of the pretty speech he'd given me although that had been nice, it was because he held me and said nothing. Did nothing.
I guess I have to agree with that idea, then. Don't get me wrong; I love it when someone tells me that I'm doing a good job, but there's this other part of me understands. The small moments and gestures are better.
And I really hope that I did the locking thing right.
Muse: Buffy Summers
Fandom: BtVS
Word Count: 759
[Locked from Spike]
I guess it wasn't really moving, though. I don't know, what was moving? Having to kiss Angel good-bye before I shoved a sword into him and sent him to hell for a couple hundred years? Actually, I think I've had fairly moving moments now that I stop to think about it that were nice and quiet. And for some reason, they were all with guys. Go fig. So, yes, there was Angel. First real honest-to-God boyfriend, even though he was over two hundred years older than me, give or take a decade. After I stuck that sword in him, life was pretty much over for me because even though I'd saved the world by killing him, I loved him. It took me awhile to come back to being normal-Buffy after that, and one of the things that helped was Angel coming back, somehow. I still don't know exactly how or why - his stupid Powers That Be? The First messing with him? What mattered at the time was he was alive (so to speak) and with me, only he was… well… not speaking. I ended chaining him up in the abandoned mansion in town so that he wouldn't run wild. Hey, at the time, I thought he was going around killing people. I was wrong, but still. Angel was back. Angel was alive. The torture that Giles said he must have gone through changed him into this wild animal-thing who couldn't talk.
He couldn't do much of anything except growl at me, but even though I was scared out of my mind, he was alive. Angel was there. I guess it relieved some of my guilt over what I'd done to him, but at the time, it was like I'd told Mr. Platt, the school psychiatrist. I loved him. And when the one you love comes back to you like that, even in silence and crazy-animal-ways? It doesn't matter.
[/Locked]
[Locked from Angel & Spike]
Which was why when we move onto guy #2? The silence ended up being better. I think I loved Riley - no, I'm pretty sure that I did, just not the way that I loved Angel - and that all started from innocent flirting between us. He wasn't mysterious. He was a normal guy which to me screamed, "Thank GOD, finally!" except he wasn't. He was some commando-guy, and he was off fighting demons while I was off staking vamps. So when these guys called "The Gentlemen" came and took away our voices (meaning everyone who lived in Sunnydale), I just figured it was a big old pain in the butt. How do you express anything clearly without words? Angel hadn't been able to let me know, after all, that he was somewhere deep inside that animal. But somehow, through the fighting, Riley and I found out each others' secrets. We never would have if we had just been dating like normal people, or trying to talk and/or cover everything up the way we always did. So, again, I was proven wrong. Silence was better. Which takes me to guy #3…
[/Locked]
[Locked from Angel]
Spike. What can I say about him that isn't already the most confusing thing, ever? The night before we had to attack The First, though, he held me in his arms and it gave me the strength to go back out and fight the damn thing. To go back to my own home (which I'd been thrown out of) and reclaim everything, and it wasn't because of the pretty speech he'd given me although that had been nice, it was because he held me and said nothing. Did nothing.
I guess I have to agree with that idea, then. Don't get me wrong; I love it when someone tells me that I'm doing a good job, but there's this other part of me understands. The small moments and gestures are better.
And I really hope that I did the locking thing right.
Muse: Buffy Summers
Fandom: BtVS
Word Count: 759