i wont ever get through this
i dont know what im suppose 2 do...now that im out of a relationship and i dont have to hide how i really feel....ive been with damien everytime he comes home (even when i was with justin) i love him and its killing me...because im trying to move on im trying so hard not to sit here and wait but its not working because i am...hes going to be in iraq for a year and im so scared that im going to be stuck on him forever...people are like oh it will get better..but now my sister is even seeing that im only continuing to get worse....i cant b with anyone i dont wanna b with anyone...my heart is never in anything....
my whole world is over now that hes not with me...and i know were suppose to be together and its crazy. God I love him so much ive never loved anyone like I love him...hes my world..and i have to continue to hide it and push it in the back of my mind...but it comes out every couple days im good for a couple days and i can go....but then i have my dreams...the dreams are the worst part.....one was he was in iraq and i heard about this attack on where he was stayin.....they thought he died...they couldnt find him..and im sitting at home and he just comes up behind me and hugs me...and we just stand there and hold each other....i usually wake up crying because i just cant handle it...im dying inside every day and i hate to wake up every morning knowing im waking up and hes not mine....i dont know wheter waiting for him is good...my mom keeps telling me im going to marry this guy..and for so long i really felt in my heart that i will and i still do believe it....but the pain im feeling is kiling all of me is taking over my life and nothing is changing....i cant fix it no matter what i try....
we fit each other so well..and its like ive said all this 2 him before he knows this already...he doesnt say anything because he knows hes leaving for iraq for a year and he knows theres nothing he can do...but god...if...ugh..i dont know....i dont even know what i expect or would want 2 make me feel better...i wish he wasnt going...i wish he was here...i wish this year would just fastforward...i wish we could just be together again...i wish i didint love him so much...i wish it didint hurt so bad....
.................
Laura
my whole world is over now that hes not with me...and i know were suppose to be together and its crazy. God I love him so much ive never loved anyone like I love him...hes my world..and i have to continue to hide it and push it in the back of my mind...but it comes out every couple days im good for a couple days and i can go....but then i have my dreams...the dreams are the worst part.....one was he was in iraq and i heard about this attack on where he was stayin.....they thought he died...they couldnt find him..and im sitting at home and he just comes up behind me and hugs me...and we just stand there and hold each other....i usually wake up crying because i just cant handle it...im dying inside every day and i hate to wake up every morning knowing im waking up and hes not mine....i dont know wheter waiting for him is good...my mom keeps telling me im going to marry this guy..and for so long i really felt in my heart that i will and i still do believe it....but the pain im feeling is kiling all of me is taking over my life and nothing is changing....i cant fix it no matter what i try....
we fit each other so well..and its like ive said all this 2 him before he knows this already...he doesnt say anything because he knows hes leaving for iraq for a year and he knows theres nothing he can do...but god...if...ugh..i dont know....i dont even know what i expect or would want 2 make me feel better...i wish he wasnt going...i wish he was here...i wish this year would just fastforward...i wish we could just be together again...i wish i didint love him so much...i wish it didint hurt so bad....
.................
Laura