"Paroxysm"
EDIT** Updated the link so it is working again.
The follow up to Christmas in Albuquerque is up and running over at my FF.net account.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/9795224/2/Christmas-in-Albuquerque
Due to the overwhelming lameness of LJ I had to resort to ( Read more... )
I think your take on Walt's POV here is fantastic. He's less...horrible than we ever get to see him be on the show, but it's an outgrowth of a real lack of awareness, and all his normal bullshit (his pride, his temper, his insecurity, his tendency to rationalize, his disregard for what Jesse really wants or needs) still keeps getting in the way. It's perfectly in character for me. And the fight in which all that stuff comes together is probably my favorite scene in the whole piece, despite it being so painful...Walt knowing he's being an asshole and literally not being able to stop himself, Jesse fighting back out of defensiveness, all the different moments when the situation could have been salvaged but wasn't.
Normally the masculine pride involved in Walt being freaked out about Jesse not getting off would annoy me, as much as it seems in keeping with Walt's issues, because of course it is "biologically unlikely," but coming where it does in the story, it becomes for Walt kind of a symbol of everything that was off about the whole encounter and everything he'd been wrong about in his thinking and behavior the whole day, and it reads as a much more powerful conflict because of that.
Loved the flashbacks (once again the totally original one and the ones involving scenes from the canon are equally well-done), loved how kind of endearing and sweet Walt's oblivious cheerfulness and affection was, loved that you never made anything easier or less complicated than it should be.
Like the first part, this brings the story to a satisfying point of conclusion that nonetheless has so much potential for continuation: how much and how little do things change between them now, especially when they go back to work? Do things, as Walt expects, turn physical again sometime, and how does that go? (I second squonkfan's request for more sex.) Does someone notice the change (Gus, Saul, Skyler?) in their dynamic? So much potential. (Though of course, I understand if you want to move on to something else.)
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But phew, what a relief to hear that you think Walt's in character, because that man is so hard to write. Yeck. And the whole part after the third flashback, particularly the argument, definitely killed the most cells in my brain so it's like, sublimely great that you liked it. After having to re-read it so much myself while I was working on it the only thing that brought me joy after awhile was the flashbacks. lol A small diversion from the actual plot was incredibly cathartic.
And you know, I was thinking that while I was writing it, and especially when I was finishing it. The ending felt almost like a prologue. And I third the request for more sex but I'll have to beat my brain into submission 'cause right now I got the feeling anything it would produce would be lame. Right now I'm all wrapped up in a non-BB story (traitorous!!) which might hopefully clear my head enough to be able to write some more Breaking Bad stuff when I'm done, whether I relent the last of my sanity and give this an epilogue or go back to slapdash crap one-shots. Either way's fine with me, because it's a looooooooong time until next season. :(
As always, thanks for the incredible feedback!!
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