"Christmas in Albuquerque" Part 1
Dated: Finally finished today after 3 days of almost non-stop typing.
Title: Christmas in Albuquerque (because I couldn't think of anything less lame)
Summary: The human tragedy known as Jesse Pinkman finds himself alone on Christmas... He doesn't take it well, but he discovers that maybe there's a little more in store for him this evening than he ( Read more... )
Anyways, I'm really glad I did read it a second and third and forth and ninth time, because despite the fact I thought I read it word for word, there were a lot of great lines, and even just adjectives, that I missed the first time around.
Now, before I end up quoting the entire thing back to you, I have to say what amazes me about this fic is how strong Jesse's voice is in it. You paint a very clear picture of what he's going through, but not in an overbearing or overtly angsty way. While it is depressing, yes, the third person POV detaches the reader enough that it isn't hard to read, or identify with the pain he's dealing with.
And the bits of insight into possible motives and thoughts from certain scenes in the show are done in a way that, had you never seen an episode, you really wouldn't realize that they weren't something of your own creation. What I'm trying to say is that you really shaped them into your own, which deserves some major props. And the small part about how Jesse initially started doing meth wasn't cheesy or after school special-y or anything. It was a pretty freakin' realistic example of the kinda shit your friends can talk you into. (Reminded me a little too much of my own high school experience, actually, but in a way that's a good thing.)
Overall, the motives and conflicts he's struggling with are very true to character while also adding a dash of something more; the kind of insight that can't be shown on a tv screen with out a voiceover or something silly.
And the porn. Jesus. I know I said it wouldn't matter if it was believable, but damn if that didn't make it so so much better. The ambiguousness of Walt's actions, and how Jesse doesn't seem to know, or at least want to acknowledge why he himself is doing it. And the sex itself is believable too, the pain during, and the messiness afterwards. And, ya know, it's really really hot.
Some of the lines that absolutely fucking killed me;
That's what I thought. No one's putting the screws on you, old man.
He rolled his hips and arched his back and felt Walt go deeper in and there was that feeling of lost reality.
(...)all he could do was make tiny, almost virginal sounds and tilt his head back, sighing when lips and teeth and tongue seized his throat.
*iz ded*
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The stuff you missed may have been stuff I added later; as always I was editing minutes after I had already posted the thing. Sometimes it's just to fix oversights or something (I typed 'Badger' at a spot where I meant 'Combo') and occasionally I add things where I feel like they should be. I have to re-read my crap more than anybody just to make it feel right. xD
Keeping Jesse, well, Jesse, while simultaneously writing realistically the kinds of anguish I imagine he must feel pretty frequently was a big part of this and I'm glad I got it across with the desired effect. I wrote the entire thing the way I would have written original material instead of fanfic, and the two parts that featured scenes from actual episodes I thought would be a good build up to the coming interaction with Walt and Jesse, after reviewing what were two of their most significant scenes together. In my mind, anyway. x)
-- The part about him trying meth was pretty interesting to write, not just about peer pressure and stuff but in the first 1 & 2 seasons Jesse is constantly getting talked into doing stupid things and I thought he probably had this "agreeability" about him his whole life. :p and that it was always getting him screwed over.--
Hahah, that's awesome that you can pick lines out of it too. I'm a big fan of that first one as well. :J
sorry to have killed you; if I do ever end up writing a Walt-ier-based follow up to this I hope you can come back to life long enough to read it. :D
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