Mix: West 54th Street Story
Title: West 54th Street Story
Series: TDS, TCR, Late Night
Warnings: Very large images.
Notes: For Theme 013 over at fanmix, "Life's a Cabaret" - mixes made entirely with songs from musicals. This started as a general character!Stephen mix, then picked up a Stephen/Jon arc, and then turned into an overview of the Great Pundit War of 2008.
[Front and back of the lyrics booklet.]
The Muppet Christmas Carol | Scrooge
Most people think Stephen is kind of a jerk.
"If you ask me, the Upper class shows admirable restraint. They could easily freeze out the poor and man their factories with robots or mice. Instead, they offer them the opportunity for a decent wage, and up to two bathroom breaks. (If you're reading this in the bathroom, get back to work!)"
He must be so lonely
He must be so sad
He goes to extremes
To convince us he's bad
He's really a victim of fear and of pride
Look close and there must be
a sweet man inside-Naaaah!
There goes Mr. Outrage
There goes Mr. Sneer
He has no time for friends or fun
His anger makes that clear
Don't ask him for a favor
'Cause his nastiness increases
Beauty and the Beast: The Enchanted Christmas | Don't Fall In Love
Okay, he's ridiculously self-centered. But it's a defense.
"I don't know about you, but I rarely get through the morning shave without wanting to ask myself out. Will I say yes? Who knows? I've yet to get up the courage."
If you must love someone, may I suggest
You love yourself! Just think it through
You'll never leave and you will find
You'll get more rest
You'll always feel as good as new
Your freedom is the most
Important thing, my friend
You must be strong, you mustn't bend
RENT | One Song Glory
Stephen's whole self-image is tethered to his work.
"Does this seem familiar? A prominent person, delivering their opinion, on camera, with nothing mucking up the screen except their face. That's what I do! That's all I do! Take that away, I got nothing!"
Find
Glory
In a song that rings true
Truth like a blazing fire
An eternal flame
Find
One song
A song about love
Glory...
Like a sunset
One song
To redeem this empty life
Seussical the Musical | Notice Me, Horton
Stephen is desperate for attention. Particularly from Jon, which is why he keeps crashing the studio next door.
"You can't just come in here and roll clips, Stephen...."
GERTRUDE
Oh, notice me, Horton
Feather by feather
This is your next-door neighbor calling!
Notice me, Horton
Horton, together
We could be great
Oh, notice me, Horton
Put down the clover!...
I will not give up hope
I was hooked from the start
When I noticed your kind
And your powerful heart
So notice me, Horton...
A Shoggoth on the Roof | Byakhee Byakhee
Stephen has grandiose fantasies, and a tendency to get in over his head. Challenging Conan is not the first dangerous thing he's done, and it won't be the last.
"I mean, that logic is iron-clad....I don't know what I'd believe in if it wasn't for that. So, I really have no choice, I think the argument is settled. Ladies and gentlemen, as much as I don't want to, I have to admit--"
ASENATH, JILL
We're really terribly weary
At least that's the theory, we're virgins still
As for real dating we're both quite repressed
Boys here in town don't pass the test
We want to go on a dangerous spree
Yes, we want to try byakhee...
ASENATH, JILL
Byakhee, byakhee, what have we done?
This suddenly isn't fun
Zanna, Don't! | Sometime, Do You Think We Could Fall In Love?
When Stephen is about to surrender to Conan, Jon comes to the rescue!
"I cannot sit here and see you prostrate yourself upon the altar of one Conan O’Brien."
"But Jon, you heard the soundness of his logic!"
"Is it sound, sir?"
"It seems like it! ...Do you have something for me?"
"I may! Wait! Hold on! Sir, I think you may find this somewhat edifying."
TANK
Hold on! The evening's not quite through.
It seems you've lost this. May I return it now to you?...
I'm a sort of charming, somewhat handsome, not so princely guy
Who wants desperately to be with you if you'd only let me try
So, tell me
Sometime do you think we could fall in love?...
I know your heart is in a million broken pieces on the floor
I'll be happy to collect them all; that's what friends are for
You've taken care of everyone, that's always how it's been
Well, it's time someone took care of you, but you have to let them in
Wicked | Popular
To thank Jon for saving him, Stephen offers his own help in return, with the popularizing power of the Colbert Bump.
"Look how humiliating that is! Jon, that piece of tape right there just shows that behind the suit, behind the fame, you're empty! There's nothing backing up your career! That's it!"
GALINDA
And even in your case
Though it's the toughest case I've yet to face
Don't worry, I'm determined to succeed
Follow my lead, and yes, indeed
You will be
Popular!
...And with an assist from me
To be who you'll be
Instead of dreary who you were, well, are
There's nothing that can stop you
From becoming popu-ler. LAR!
By Jeeves | Travel Hopefully, Part One
In spite of Conan's threat that he didn't want to hear another word about the situation, and Jon's urges to change the subject, Stephen keeps talking.
"Why did you come and talk about this? He's gonna hear about this!"
"No, he's not, Jon! For one thing, I happen to know that Conan O'Brien is too cheap to pay for cable! Not only is he too cheap, I happen to know that Conan O'Brien is too stupid to even figure out that we are talking about him!"
JEEVES
May I advise a modicum of caution, sir...
BERTIE
He who hesitates is lost
Burn bridges once they're crossed
Don't stop to say goodbye
JEEVES
There is a blind corner approaching, sir...
BERTIE
Travel hopefully with me
And I will guarantee
There'll be no pause for doubt
Hit the nearest country track
No time for looking back
Look onwards and - look out!!!!
West Side Story | The Rumble
Stephen and Jon enter, snapping in tandem. The Comedy Central gang has arrived.
Stephen: "Did somebody order an ass-kicking?"
Jon: "With a side of hoo-ahh?"
Conan: "You come to my house? You spit on me in my house?"
Jon: "Oh, yeah."
[Instrumental.]
By Jeeves | What Have You Got to Say Jeeves
In the heat of the fight, Jon smashes a beer bottle over Stephen's head, and Stephen turns on Jon.
"What!? -- Don't move." [Whack!]
BERTIE
Here I am in an extreme position
General Custer out of ammunition
Didn't get here by my own volition
As Tennyson once thundered
Someone here has badly blundered
JEEVES
Sir -
BERTIE
It's chaos and disarray, Jeeves
Misery and dismay
JEEVES
Perhaps if I could interr -
BERTIE
Calling this a shambles is to understate the case...
So what have you got to say, Jeeves?
What have you got to say?
RENT | Tango: Maureen
After Stephen and Jon team up to fight Conan, Stephen and Conan team up to fight Jon; when Jon and Conan finally end up together, Jon lets Conan know what he's gotten into.
JOANNE
I'm so mad
That I don't know what to do
Fighting with microphones
Freezing down to my bones
And to top it all off
I'm with you
MARK
Feel like going insane?
Got a fire in your brain?
And you're thinking of drinking gasoline?
JOANNE
As a matter of fact -
MARK
Honey, I know the act
It's called, the 'Tango Maureen'
The Enchanted Christmas | A Cut Above The Rest
In the end, Mike Huckabee arrives and stops the fighting.
"I'm running for President because I want to unite this country, not divide it."
BELLE
You belong side by side
You should never be apart
Cause when you're both together
You're really twice as smart...
LUMIERE, COGSWORTH
There's no doubt that as a team
We two are the very best
Everyone who knows us must agree:
We're a cut above the rest!
Zanna, Don't! | Straight to Heaven (Reprise)
All is forgiven. Dance party!
STEVE
Guys, grab a girl, girls, grab a guy
Girls, grab a girl, and guys, grab a guy
KATE
Just grab ahold of somebody, whatever feels right
MIKE
And join the army of love, we're goin dancin' tonight
ROBERTA
We can't afford to leave anyone outta the game
TANK
Love who you are, and someone else might do the same
ALL
And tonight we just might go
Straight--
--Right to heaven!
[Back cover and spine. Why, yes, I did overthink this.]
The Arctic Monkeys - Brianstorm
This isn't from a musical, but it's the song played in the background during the fight montage, so I slipped it in as a bonus track.
And I wonder are you puttin' us under
'Cause we can't take our eyes off the t-shirt and ties combination
Well see you later, innovator
Some want to kiss some want to kick you
There's not a net you couldn't slip through
...I doubt it's your style not to get what you set out to acquire
All tracks, lyrics, booklet: Badongo Mediafire
Series: TDS, TCR, Late Night
Warnings: Very large images.
Notes: For Theme 013 over at fanmix, "Life's a Cabaret" - mixes made entirely with songs from musicals. This started as a general character!Stephen mix, then picked up a Stephen/Jon arc, and then turned into an overview of the Great Pundit War of 2008.
[Front and back of the lyrics booklet.]
The Muppet Christmas Carol | Scrooge
Most people think Stephen is kind of a jerk.
"If you ask me, the Upper class shows admirable restraint. They could easily freeze out the poor and man their factories with robots or mice. Instead, they offer them the opportunity for a decent wage, and up to two bathroom breaks. (If you're reading this in the bathroom, get back to work!)"
He must be so lonely
He must be so sad
He goes to extremes
To convince us he's bad
He's really a victim of fear and of pride
Look close and there must be
a sweet man inside-Naaaah!
There goes Mr. Outrage
There goes Mr. Sneer
He has no time for friends or fun
His anger makes that clear
Don't ask him for a favor
'Cause his nastiness increases
Beauty and the Beast: The Enchanted Christmas | Don't Fall In Love
Okay, he's ridiculously self-centered. But it's a defense.
"I don't know about you, but I rarely get through the morning shave without wanting to ask myself out. Will I say yes? Who knows? I've yet to get up the courage."
If you must love someone, may I suggest
You love yourself! Just think it through
You'll never leave and you will find
You'll get more rest
You'll always feel as good as new
Your freedom is the most
Important thing, my friend
You must be strong, you mustn't bend
RENT | One Song Glory
Stephen's whole self-image is tethered to his work.
"Does this seem familiar? A prominent person, delivering their opinion, on camera, with nothing mucking up the screen except their face. That's what I do! That's all I do! Take that away, I got nothing!"
Find
Glory
In a song that rings true
Truth like a blazing fire
An eternal flame
Find
One song
A song about love
Glory...
Like a sunset
One song
To redeem this empty life
Seussical the Musical | Notice Me, Horton
Stephen is desperate for attention. Particularly from Jon, which is why he keeps crashing the studio next door.
"You can't just come in here and roll clips, Stephen...."
GERTRUDE
Oh, notice me, Horton
Feather by feather
This is your next-door neighbor calling!
Notice me, Horton
Horton, together
We could be great
Oh, notice me, Horton
Put down the clover!...
I will not give up hope
I was hooked from the start
When I noticed your kind
And your powerful heart
So notice me, Horton...
A Shoggoth on the Roof | Byakhee Byakhee
Stephen has grandiose fantasies, and a tendency to get in over his head. Challenging Conan is not the first dangerous thing he's done, and it won't be the last.
"I mean, that logic is iron-clad....I don't know what I'd believe in if it wasn't for that. So, I really have no choice, I think the argument is settled. Ladies and gentlemen, as much as I don't want to, I have to admit--"
ASENATH, JILL
We're really terribly weary
At least that's the theory, we're virgins still
As for real dating we're both quite repressed
Boys here in town don't pass the test
We want to go on a dangerous spree
Yes, we want to try byakhee...
ASENATH, JILL
Byakhee, byakhee, what have we done?
This suddenly isn't fun
Zanna, Don't! | Sometime, Do You Think We Could Fall In Love?
When Stephen is about to surrender to Conan, Jon comes to the rescue!
"I cannot sit here and see you prostrate yourself upon the altar of one Conan O’Brien."
"But Jon, you heard the soundness of his logic!"
"Is it sound, sir?"
"It seems like it! ...Do you have something for me?"
"I may! Wait! Hold on! Sir, I think you may find this somewhat edifying."
TANK
Hold on! The evening's not quite through.
It seems you've lost this. May I return it now to you?...
I'm a sort of charming, somewhat handsome, not so princely guy
Who wants desperately to be with you if you'd only let me try
So, tell me
Sometime do you think we could fall in love?...
I know your heart is in a million broken pieces on the floor
I'll be happy to collect them all; that's what friends are for
You've taken care of everyone, that's always how it's been
Well, it's time someone took care of you, but you have to let them in
Wicked | Popular
To thank Jon for saving him, Stephen offers his own help in return, with the popularizing power of the Colbert Bump.
"Look how humiliating that is! Jon, that piece of tape right there just shows that behind the suit, behind the fame, you're empty! There's nothing backing up your career! That's it!"
GALINDA
And even in your case
Though it's the toughest case I've yet to face
Don't worry, I'm determined to succeed
Follow my lead, and yes, indeed
You will be
Popular!
...And with an assist from me
To be who you'll be
Instead of dreary who you were, well, are
There's nothing that can stop you
From becoming popu-ler. LAR!
By Jeeves | Travel Hopefully, Part One
In spite of Conan's threat that he didn't want to hear another word about the situation, and Jon's urges to change the subject, Stephen keeps talking.
"Why did you come and talk about this? He's gonna hear about this!"
"No, he's not, Jon! For one thing, I happen to know that Conan O'Brien is too cheap to pay for cable! Not only is he too cheap, I happen to know that Conan O'Brien is too stupid to even figure out that we are talking about him!"
JEEVES
May I advise a modicum of caution, sir...
BERTIE
He who hesitates is lost
Burn bridges once they're crossed
Don't stop to say goodbye
JEEVES
There is a blind corner approaching, sir...
BERTIE
Travel hopefully with me
And I will guarantee
There'll be no pause for doubt
Hit the nearest country track
No time for looking back
Look onwards and - look out!!!!
West Side Story | The Rumble
Stephen and Jon enter, snapping in tandem. The Comedy Central gang has arrived.
Stephen: "Did somebody order an ass-kicking?"
Jon: "With a side of hoo-ahh?"
Conan: "You come to my house? You spit on me in my house?"
Jon: "Oh, yeah."
[Instrumental.]
By Jeeves | What Have You Got to Say Jeeves
In the heat of the fight, Jon smashes a beer bottle over Stephen's head, and Stephen turns on Jon.
"What!? -- Don't move." [Whack!]
BERTIE
Here I am in an extreme position
General Custer out of ammunition
Didn't get here by my own volition
As Tennyson once thundered
Someone here has badly blundered
JEEVES
Sir -
BERTIE
It's chaos and disarray, Jeeves
Misery and dismay
JEEVES
Perhaps if I could interr -
BERTIE
Calling this a shambles is to understate the case...
So what have you got to say, Jeeves?
What have you got to say?
RENT | Tango: Maureen
After Stephen and Jon team up to fight Conan, Stephen and Conan team up to fight Jon; when Jon and Conan finally end up together, Jon lets Conan know what he's gotten into.
JOANNE
I'm so mad
That I don't know what to do
Fighting with microphones
Freezing down to my bones
And to top it all off
I'm with you
MARK
Feel like going insane?
Got a fire in your brain?
And you're thinking of drinking gasoline?
JOANNE
As a matter of fact -
MARK
Honey, I know the act
It's called, the 'Tango Maureen'
The Enchanted Christmas | A Cut Above The Rest
In the end, Mike Huckabee arrives and stops the fighting.
"I'm running for President because I want to unite this country, not divide it."
BELLE
You belong side by side
You should never be apart
Cause when you're both together
You're really twice as smart...
LUMIERE, COGSWORTH
There's no doubt that as a team
We two are the very best
Everyone who knows us must agree:
We're a cut above the rest!
Zanna, Don't! | Straight to Heaven (Reprise)
All is forgiven. Dance party!
STEVE
Guys, grab a girl, girls, grab a guy
Girls, grab a girl, and guys, grab a guy
KATE
Just grab ahold of somebody, whatever feels right
MIKE
And join the army of love, we're goin dancin' tonight
ROBERTA
We can't afford to leave anyone outta the game
TANK
Love who you are, and someone else might do the same
ALL
And tonight we just might go
Straight--
--Right to heaven!
[Back cover and spine. Why, yes, I did overthink this.]
The Arctic Monkeys - Brianstorm
This isn't from a musical, but it's the song played in the background during the fight montage, so I slipped it in as a bonus track.
And I wonder are you puttin' us under
'Cause we can't take our eyes off the t-shirt and ties combination
Well see you later, innovator
Some want to kiss some want to kick you
There's not a net you couldn't slip through
...I doubt it's your style not to get what you set out to acquire
All tracks, lyrics, booklet: Badongo Mediafire