The Haunting of Stephen Colbert 3/?
Title: The Haunting of Stephen Colbert
Rating: PG-13
Characters: Stephen Colbert, Jon Stewart, original characters, a ghost
Warnings: Nothing too grim is in this story, no yet, but don't read if you don't like scary stories.
Summary: Stephen Colbert's world turns upside down when a ghost starts haunting him, then mysteriously goes away. Life goes back to normal, except Stephen's acting oddly and his staff starts to suffer because of it. Jon Stewart decides to take responsibility into his own hands and tries to get Stephen back to normal, but getting rid of a ghost is easier said than done.
Disclaimer: All television shows, movies, books, and other copyrighted material referred to in this work, and the characters, settings, and events thereof, are the properties of their respective owners. As this work is an interpretation of the original material and not for-profit, it constitutes fair use. Reference to real persons, places, or events are made in a fictional context, and are not intended to be libelous, defamatory, or in any way factual.
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It was a few weeks later when Jon was made aware that something at the Colbert Report studio was amiss. He was in the middle of a morning meeting with his writers on a beautiful Tuesday morning. They were busy discussing the news of the day and beginning to plan the day’s show when the door opened and an intern peeked inside the room.
“Jon, you have a few visitors in your office,” the intern informed Jon. The intern seemed nervous, so Jon knew that these visitors were important. But they had to wait, Jon still had a job to do.
“Can you tell them that they have to wait awhile, I have to finish this meeting--”
“No, I think you have to talk to them now,” the intern insisted.
Jon frowned, but did as the intern suggested. He stood up, told the writers that he would be back soon and followed the intern out into the hallway. As Jon walked to his office he noticed that his staff would occasionally glanced at him and his office in worry. From the looks he was getting Jon knew that his guests were important.
He didn’t have time to guess who they were since he was already at the door of his office. He opened the door to find...the writers of the Colbert Report sitting around his desk.
“What the hell are you guys doing here?” Jon exclaimed. Weren’t they supposed to be working?
Most of the writers just stared at him in despair. Eric, however, said, “Jon, you might want to sit down for this.”
Jon wormed his way through the throng of writers to his desk. When he got to his chair he asked, “What’s going on?”
“It’s Stephen,” Dan explained. “He’s been acting weird lately.”
“Weird how?” Jon asked, face scrunched up in confusion.
“He’s in a bad mood most of time,” Tom said, “Well, that’s what it seemed like at first, but since then it’s gotten worse and worse...”
When Jon still looked confused, Glenn decided to elaborate. “It all started when an intern brought him his coffee...”
***888***888***
A Month Ago
Stephen scanned through his script right before rehearsal. He shuffled the papers once before laying them flat against his desk. Despite the fact that the stage lights overhead made him sweat, he asked an intern to make him a coffee.
Stephen tapped a tune out on the glass counter top with his fingers, getting more impatient every second. He talked to the intern ten minutes ago, surely it can’t that long to make coffee? When the intern came with the coffee minutes later, Stephen was aggravated enough to frown a bit as he took a gulp of coffee he’s waited so long for. That turned out to be a mistake and he spit it out immediately, spraying coffee all over the previously gleaming counter top.
Stephen took a glance at how much of a mess he’d made before slowly looking up at the intern, who now looked decidedly less confident than when she handed over the coffee. “What the hell is that?” Stephen asked, gesturing to the remainder of the coffee.
“It--It’s the coffee you ordered,” the intern, Amy, stuttered out.
Stephen made a face and dumped what was left in the coffee cup out onto the floor beside Amy. “That,” Stephen said getting in Amy’s face, “is not the coffee I ordered.” He shook the cup, making sure there wasn’t a drop of the offensive solution left before leaning back.
“I like my coffee with two creams and three sugars,” Stephen said, “but this has two creams and two sugars!”
“Step--I--I’m sorry,” Amy mumbled, her head hanging low.
“Sorry?” Stephen repeated, standing up abruptly. “Sorry?” He slammed his palms against his desk, which attracted the attention of the various staff members that were previously bustling around the studio.
“Go make me a coffee again, and this time have three sugars instead of two!” Stephen commanded.
Amy tried to apologize again. “I--sorry--”
“Go! Now!” Stephen shouted, and Amy stopped muttering and ran of the studio to do as Stephen commanded. “And don’t be late!” Stephen added, and as soon as Amy was out of his sight Stephen resumed looking over his script as if nothing happened.
Amy, however, was a blubbering mess by the time she got to the studio's exit. The writers that were near there intercepted her path. Meredith took her aside and said, "You don't have to get the coffee. Stephen is just being an ass."
Meredith held Amy as she cried, making sure the both of them were faced away from Stephen. She turn her head towards Stephen to glare at him as Glenn confronted Stephen.
“You didn’t have to do that, you know,” Glenn said.
Stephen glanced up at him, his expression nonchalant. “Do what?”
“Yell at Amy for a cup of coffee!” Glenn exclaimed and Stephen suddenly was indignant again.
“She made it wrong!” Stephen said. “And she was late!”
“You should apologize to her,” Glenn told him.
“Go away,” Stephen repeated, scowling.
Glenn continued, “Amy didn’t deserve to be treated that way--”
“Yes she did!” Stephen exclaimed, outraged. “She messed up my coffee, she deserved what she got! Now go away!”
The staff that were in the studio stepped back instinctively, not used to seeing Stephen’s fury. Glenn stepped back as well, hands raised. “Alright, you don’t have to get all riled up about it.”
As Glenn stepped back he saw, just for a second, Stephen’s eyes become black. He didn’t think much of it though, and decided to ignore it.
***888***888***
Present
“That’s...wow,” Jon said after Glenn finished. He was as surprised as the writers that Stephen got so angry over something as simple as coffee. Stephen rarely was angry at all actually, which makes the coffee incident even more odd. He wondered why Stephen got so riled up, or if that was Stephen at all...
“He was like that with the interns for around two weeks,” Scott said, “We thought he was just in a bad mood but--”
“It got worse,” finished Rob in misery.
“You see Jon,” Eric explained, “He came for us too...”
***888***888***
Two Weeks Ago
Stephen was scribbling furiously onto one of the papers that littered his desk in his office. The door creaked open, and Eric came into the room.
"Here's tonight's script," Eric announced as he placed a stack of papers onto Stephen's desk.
Stephen took one glance the script before he said, "I don't like it."
"What?" Eric exclaimed, outraged. "You haven't even looked at it yet!"
Stephen took a moment to glance up at Eric before going back to scribbling on his papers.
Eric sighed. "Okay, then. Why don't you like the script?"
Stephen stopped writing and looked at Eric fully. "It has the wrong font."
"It has the wrong..." Eric repeated incredulously. "You must be kidding. Tell me you're joking."
Stephen crossed his arms and glared at Eric, which meant he was really serious.
"The script has always been in this font, and you have always been okay with it," Eric said. "Why are you bothered now?"
"I just am!" Stephen exclaimed.
Eric shook his head. "I won't redo the script because you don't like the font. That's just ridiculous."
Eric went to grab the script and Stephen tried to grab it first but failed. He followed Eric out of his office and into the hallway.
"You have to change the font!" Stephen shouted, gaining nearby staffers' attentions.
"I won't!"
"Fine then!"
Eric let his guard down, thinking that the argument was over, when Stephen swooped in and took the script from his hands.
Eric protested, "Hey--"
In one movement Stephen tore the script in half with his bare hands and let the remains flutter to floor, all the while wearing a scowl on face.
The shock Eric had during the whole event turned into fury. "What the hell man! The show starts in thirty minutes!"
"Then you should make another script quickly then," Stephen said calmly, smiling smugly.
Eric scowled at him. "You just tore up tonight's script. Don't you feel any regret over that?"
Stephen shook his head, frowning slightly. "Change the font, or I'll do it again," he warned, staring into Eric's eyes. Eric looked back, just in time to see Stephen's eyes flash black.
***888***888***
Present
"He was like that for awhile," Eric continued after he'd finished his story. "He told writers to rewrite whole segments because of a simple mistake. That's until we had enough."
"What did you do?" Jon asked, wondering about Stephen. His eyes flashing black, it was present in both stories. It reminded him of something that happened at lunch around a month ago, before all of this started...
"We decided to confront him yesterday," Dan said. "It kind of backfired on us though..."
***888***888***
Yesterday
Stephen was typing on his computer when the door opened and all of his writers piled into his office.
"What's going on?" he asked when they gathered around him wearing looks of concern and determination.
"This is an intervention," announced Michael.
"What?" asked Stephen in disbelief.
"You haven't been acting like yourself," Nate began.
"You've been bullying all of us for too long," Tom said. "It has to stop."
"I don't even know who you are anymore," Paul added. They all fell silent, waiting for Stephen's response.
Stephen's stare of disbelief he had been wearing while the writers spoke turned into a glare of annoyance when they finished.
Stephen said, "You have got to be kidding me."
"This is serious Stephen," Rich said. "You've been messing up our scripts lately and harassing the interns and we've all had enough."
"Oh, so that's what all of this is about!" Stephen exclaimed, grinning. "You're sick of me fixing your scripts. Well, the ratings are higher nowadays, and I think we know who to thank."
Meredith scowled. "It's a group effort, Stephen. You just can't change a whole script because you don't like it. We all agreed the script was good, it doesn't have to be at your standards."
"You all are wrong!" Stephen roared, anger suddenly spiking. "All of the scripts have to be at my standards, and you have to change them because my scripts are the best!"
"Then what's the point of having us if you're going to change everything we do into something you approve of?" Jay asked.
Stephen scowled. "You know what? You're right. I don't need you guys. I can write this show by myself!" he proclaimed.
"Stephen..." Meredith began, trying to convince Stephen to not do something he'll regret.
Stephen looked over them with disdain. "Don't come in tomorrow morning."
"What? Why?" Eric asked.
Stephen smiled grimly. "Because you're all fired."
"What?" was the general response of the writers.
"You can't do that," Scott argued, voice shaky.
"Yes I can," Stephen said, staring coldly at every ex-writer, "It's my show. I can do what I want." He grinned, and for a second his eyes turned coal black.
***888***888***
Present
"We thought he was kidding," Dan said, "But when we came to work this morning, we learned that we were banned from the building. We had nowhere else to go, so we came here. We thought you could help."
Jon thought for awhile. He knew that the flashing eyes thing was important. He also knew that there was a possibility that Stephen wasn't actually there. If there is a ghost inside Stephen Jon would have to face it alone. No one else knew it existed, and Jon would like it to stay that way.
"I'm going to talk to Stephen tonight," Jon decided. "After the show. Don't worry guys, you'll have your jobs tomorrow morning."
The writers grinned, and Jon felt great as he led them out of his office. Jon began to feel dread when he started to wonder if it would be worse to face a ghost or to know that Stephen had changed after all.
***888***888***
It had started to rain as Jon made his way to the Report studio. He called ahead to see if Stephen was staying late and it seemed he was, since he was single-handedly writing the show. Jon was anxious to talk to Stephen and see what was going on so he opened the door to Stephen's office without knocking.
"Hello Jon," Stephen said casually as he worked on papers that crowded his desk.
"We have to talk," Jon began.
"About what?" Stephen asked.
"The writers, the interns, the anger...what's going on?"
"They don't listen!" Stephen exclaimed. "I am the boss here, and I'm right. If they don't listen then they shouldn't be here!"
"Stephen, you need to rehire the writers," Jon said. "You have to, or you'll get overwhelmed. Besides, you don't always need to have the last say on everything--"
"Yes I do! I'm the boss here, and I rule!" Stephen growled and his eyes turned black. Unlike the other times his eyes stayed that way. That's when Jon knew for certain something was wrong.
"You're not Stephen, are you?" he asked, already knowing the answer.
Stephen shook his head and grinned creepily.
"I have to get that ghost out of him," Jon vowed to himself, and unfortunately Stephen/the ghost heard.
"You won't take him from me!" Stephen screeched, and the window behind him shattered. Jon stepped back, his back pressed to the wall. "I won't let you!"
Stephen stood up, and a miniature hurricane whipped around him, making the papers and office supplies that littered Stephen's office fly around the room.
Jon tried to avoid most of the flying debris, but got a few paper cuts. He knew he was in trouble if he stayed in the room so he began to open the door and ducked out before he could be hit by a flying stapler.
As soon as Jon scampered out to the hallway the door exploded, and Jon fell to the floor as shards of wood flew above him. He thought he avoided being hit, but when he stood up he felt a sharp pain in his leg.
He didn't have time to examine his wound because at that moment Stephen stepped over the ruins of his office door. Jon knew he had only seconds left before Stephen noticed Jon on the floor and finished what he started. So Jon did the only thing he could do.
Ignoring the pain in his leg, he ran.
TO BE CONTINUED