life is changing
I finally broke up with Nam, two days before my birthday. It hurt, but it was the right thing to do. I read Nam's LJ and cry... I wish I could have somehow not hurt him, but that would have been literally impossible. I've always had doubts in our relationship... well, there have always been times with doubt. Always things I wish he was that he wasn
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Your adviser is right. You should just worry about you. That's what I've always tried to tell you.
I do feel terrible. But I'm glad you came out of this learning a thing or two and happier in the end. I guess you finally satisfied one of my complaints... you didn't know what you want. The other day, you told that to me. I was, dare I say, proud... despite the fact that the actual implications for myself were greatly disheartening.
You remember the story of my life, and how I feel like I shouldn't even be alive. I just keep on thinking that my life will be filled with these ups and downs, trials and tribulations. I'll move on eventually. I'm making plans to try and hit on girls, even if my heart isn't in it yet. The sooner I can get going, the sooner I can get better.
I hope that you may still allow me to call you. I don't want to be cut off from you completely. I actually needed some response from you, so this entry was what I needed to kill my hope of getting back together with you. I still have a list of movies you wanted to watch... and I'd like to still do things with you (probably not a good idea for us to hang out any time soon, as you said). But you were my best friend and lover for a long time. You were the best relationship I ever had. If I really love you, I won't hold you back. And I won't. I won't stifle you any longer. I wish you luck with this boy.
I think I've brought this up before, but my former stepdad once said, "If you really love someone, you always love her." So don't ever forget... that I'll always love you.
~Nam
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I would love to be able to hang out again, but not soon, I agree. I'm gonna miss the movie watching and playing scrabble and the HOWZ and the guys, in general. Gonna miss cheese garlic bread, too :x
However, I'd like my towel back, and I'd like to give you some cookie cake before it goes bad... so you should prolly stop by again sometime in the near future.
I know you'll always love me. I'll always love you, just like I love Brian and Nick. It's not something that goes away. Love doesn't leave just because a person does.
Thank you for wishing me luck. I really appreciate it. I kinda hope someday you can meet him, and not want to tear his brains out. It'd be nice for us to all be able to get along.
I still like hearing your voice, so please don't hesitate to call when you want. I'm not going to eat you.
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