(no subject)
i have been overly nostalgic. i suppose i miss those times because even the bad parts have turned into good parts in my mind, parts where i have learned about myself through the shit, and the shit has turned transparent. i miss those times because i can look back and think that i thought i had things figured out.
in reality, i was surely uncertain and tremulous.
so really there is not anything i should be nostalgic for.
i don't want to be nostalgic because i don't want to reject the present for what it is, and i refuse to refuse to view time as a cohesive unit.
looking too much into the future is equally silly.
i have had problems lately distinguishing what i 'should do' from 'what's best for me' or 'what i want to do'.
and you know, there will be time for all of it. but i can't rely on that- i need to be confident and content in everything that i do. the opposite of j alfred prufrock.
i've been very much consumed by thoughts that i have not found any words for.
i got this really great straw hat with a flat brim, so flat that i can serve horderves off of it at a garden party. nothing is bad at all, i can see the pieces working.
in reality, i was surely uncertain and tremulous.
so really there is not anything i should be nostalgic for.
i don't want to be nostalgic because i don't want to reject the present for what it is, and i refuse to refuse to view time as a cohesive unit.
looking too much into the future is equally silly.
i have had problems lately distinguishing what i 'should do' from 'what's best for me' or 'what i want to do'.
and you know, there will be time for all of it. but i can't rely on that- i need to be confident and content in everything that i do. the opposite of j alfred prufrock.
i've been very much consumed by thoughts that i have not found any words for.
i got this really great straw hat with a flat brim, so flat that i can serve horderves off of it at a garden party. nothing is bad at all, i can see the pieces working.