me
well I haven't updated in like forever, but I guess I'll start up again. I know I always say that, but I'll really try this time. It's a good way to get things out.
It's been a month now. One long, depressing, bloody month.
It's fall now. Summer ended yesterday, or today, depending on if you want to look at the sunsets or not.
I decided to let everything go. They said I would feel different in a month. I didn't start feeling different until maybe 3 days ago. Weird how things happen. I refused to believe that I would feel different, I wouldn't let myself.
I have a life or death situation coming up in the next month that I gotta deal with. If you don't know what it is don't worry about it until the time comes when you'll know because you will most likely hear about it if all goes to hell. I am really really scared. I just can't win. Really. I can't stress myself about it until that time comes. But I need to prepare... if there is anything more important than anything I've ever done in my life to this point, it is this. I know that this sounds confusing to anybody that doesn't know what I'm talking about, but LJ is for the writer, right?
I have another problem that nobody knows about that just came up today. I feel very bad about. I need to fix it ASAP. I need to fix myself ASAP. And to the person it concerns, I had no idea. But in my case, It could have happened to anybody. I'm sorry.
I really need to be more of a careful person. My narrcisist reign can be over now. Thank you to all who have helped. Now I need to start caring about others. I'm sorry mom for not caring about you only 20 days after your breakdown. Now I can help you. I'm sorry if you really needed me, I needed you too and we just couldn't let eachother in because of our own problems. I'm sorry if you really don't need me as much as you did but I hope you understand.
Jennifer you don't need to feel bad about feeling like you've not been around much like you've said, but truthfully, all you needed to do is just exist. I didn't even notice what you had said about how you felt. The greatest thing was that you were there that first day and you stayed up with me, as tired as you were. And listening. Out of 15 years, all I need is to think of you and you're already there.
Chip, I seriously owe you one. You do not know how much you've done for me. not in a million years. I wish I could do something to help you, I see how stressed you are and I feel like I need to do somethng for you and be helping you like you did for me. You helped me up so much. I think that the reason I've gotten back up on my feet so quickly is because of all the things that you said that were so true. How do you do it? I just wish I could have been there and done the same for you back when you were having your breakdown with steve.
TT, you and I share a lot. We have more in common than I would have thought. I think we're closer now in a way, I love you and so glad I have you as a brother to look out for me and for me to look out for. I'm sorry I didn't look out for you but I guess its just the other person thought the other was a perfect child. But we both see its not that way. I know that in the next couple months you will be going through what I just went through... I will do all in my power to help you keep your head up. I can't handle the thought of my brother in tears and I know its inevitable. Take your time, let it burn, but I hope I can get you through this.
Brad... I'm sorry. I just really don't know what to say but thank you for 3 years of us. There is nothing that I will ever regret about our time together. The things that we did together I will never forget. You were my first everything. I don't know how its gonna be to see you next time without your loving look in your eyes. I hope by then it won't hurt. I know it hurt you to see me in that condition last time you saw me. I hated not looking at you being in love. It's the saddest thing ever. I just hope you find someone who loves you as much and even more than I did. I mean it. Because somebody deserves everything you can ever give to a person, all the love, kindness, gentleness, fun and joy that I know you posess. There is somebody out there for you.
These are only words for everyone. A feeling is worth an infinite number of words. There are no words to express a feeling. This is the best I can do. Thank you everyone.
It's been a month now. One long, depressing, bloody month.
It's fall now. Summer ended yesterday, or today, depending on if you want to look at the sunsets or not.
I decided to let everything go. They said I would feel different in a month. I didn't start feeling different until maybe 3 days ago. Weird how things happen. I refused to believe that I would feel different, I wouldn't let myself.
I have a life or death situation coming up in the next month that I gotta deal with. If you don't know what it is don't worry about it until the time comes when you'll know because you will most likely hear about it if all goes to hell. I am really really scared. I just can't win. Really. I can't stress myself about it until that time comes. But I need to prepare... if there is anything more important than anything I've ever done in my life to this point, it is this. I know that this sounds confusing to anybody that doesn't know what I'm talking about, but LJ is for the writer, right?
I have another problem that nobody knows about that just came up today. I feel very bad about. I need to fix it ASAP. I need to fix myself ASAP. And to the person it concerns, I had no idea. But in my case, It could have happened to anybody. I'm sorry.
I really need to be more of a careful person. My narrcisist reign can be over now. Thank you to all who have helped. Now I need to start caring about others. I'm sorry mom for not caring about you only 20 days after your breakdown. Now I can help you. I'm sorry if you really needed me, I needed you too and we just couldn't let eachother in because of our own problems. I'm sorry if you really don't need me as much as you did but I hope you understand.
Jennifer you don't need to feel bad about feeling like you've not been around much like you've said, but truthfully, all you needed to do is just exist. I didn't even notice what you had said about how you felt. The greatest thing was that you were there that first day and you stayed up with me, as tired as you were. And listening. Out of 15 years, all I need is to think of you and you're already there.
Chip, I seriously owe you one. You do not know how much you've done for me. not in a million years. I wish I could do something to help you, I see how stressed you are and I feel like I need to do somethng for you and be helping you like you did for me. You helped me up so much. I think that the reason I've gotten back up on my feet so quickly is because of all the things that you said that were so true. How do you do it? I just wish I could have been there and done the same for you back when you were having your breakdown with steve.
TT, you and I share a lot. We have more in common than I would have thought. I think we're closer now in a way, I love you and so glad I have you as a brother to look out for me and for me to look out for. I'm sorry I didn't look out for you but I guess its just the other person thought the other was a perfect child. But we both see its not that way. I know that in the next couple months you will be going through what I just went through... I will do all in my power to help you keep your head up. I can't handle the thought of my brother in tears and I know its inevitable. Take your time, let it burn, but I hope I can get you through this.
Brad... I'm sorry. I just really don't know what to say but thank you for 3 years of us. There is nothing that I will ever regret about our time together. The things that we did together I will never forget. You were my first everything. I don't know how its gonna be to see you next time without your loving look in your eyes. I hope by then it won't hurt. I know it hurt you to see me in that condition last time you saw me. I hated not looking at you being in love. It's the saddest thing ever. I just hope you find someone who loves you as much and even more than I did. I mean it. Because somebody deserves everything you can ever give to a person, all the love, kindness, gentleness, fun and joy that I know you posess. There is somebody out there for you.
These are only words for everyone. A feeling is worth an infinite number of words. There are no words to express a feeling. This is the best I can do. Thank you everyone.