Sleepless
I don't even feel remotely like sleeping.
I know I need to sleep, or attempt to, but when I lay my head down on a pillow my mind wanders and is wide awake.
When my mind wanders it likes to find the deep dark parts of my thought process and bring them to light.
I feel ridiculous typing this out on the internet. Part of me wants to vent and get it all out, but the other half knows its futile because no one is going to fucking read this. The internet is some big soulless vacuum where I could pour my ever thought and emotion out, and in the off chance, hope that some other poor fucking loser is going to stumble across what I'm writing. Then, hopefully get some insightful response that will pull me out of this self-loathing and make me feel all so much better. I don't remember the last time someone has done that for me.
This is ridiculous. I've often wondered if this world would notice if I was never here. Beyond my immediate family of course, I would have zero impact on anyone elses life. I mentioned this thought to my girlfriend while we were fighting and immediately she dismissed it as stupid and that she would miss me. I think she misunderstood the comment along the lines of wanting to do away with my self at that exact moment. No, I meant if I was not to exist. How very over-emotional depressed teenager sounding I am right now. No one wants to read this shit, no one likes this self loathing bullshit that I keep going in circles over and over again. It's like beating a long dead horse. I feel ridiculous.
I wish I had something interesting to say.
I know I need to sleep, or attempt to, but when I lay my head down on a pillow my mind wanders and is wide awake.
When my mind wanders it likes to find the deep dark parts of my thought process and bring them to light.
I feel ridiculous typing this out on the internet. Part of me wants to vent and get it all out, but the other half knows its futile because no one is going to fucking read this. The internet is some big soulless vacuum where I could pour my ever thought and emotion out, and in the off chance, hope that some other poor fucking loser is going to stumble across what I'm writing. Then, hopefully get some insightful response that will pull me out of this self-loathing and make me feel all so much better. I don't remember the last time someone has done that for me.
This is ridiculous. I've often wondered if this world would notice if I was never here. Beyond my immediate family of course, I would have zero impact on anyone elses life. I mentioned this thought to my girlfriend while we were fighting and immediately she dismissed it as stupid and that she would miss me. I think she misunderstood the comment along the lines of wanting to do away with my self at that exact moment. No, I meant if I was not to exist. How very over-emotional depressed teenager sounding I am right now. No one wants to read this shit, no one likes this self loathing bullshit that I keep going in circles over and over again. It's like beating a long dead horse. I feel ridiculous.
I wish I had something interesting to say.