Not yet alright
I have to study for Chinese tonight but before I do I thought I could read some Gundam porn and then study. It's not very good, very bad actually, but I thought I would read it for shits and giggles. I decided to quit my job and focus these last two weeks on school. I'm turning in all my work at the end of the break, so I'll hopefully have time then to do it. It's just a lab report, three chinese homework assignments, and my social psychology report. I might have time today, but I don't want to strain myself. Hahaha.
I tried to get back on my diet/exercise/school/work regimen, but I already fucked up. I was at the gym with my roomie, running on the elliptical. There was a Pats/Dolphins (or Jets?) game on, and the Pats won, 48-28. And guess what I do?
'Wow! I thought Tom Brady was out! I guess the Pats are pulling ahead without him or the Dolphins suck. Gotta call my dad.'
I keep on running for about ten more minutes after that because I swear my chest started hurting and it was difficult for me to breathe.
It's...not going to get easy. I still hurt, in small ways. I sometimes forget, you know, I'm so busy I can't think of anything except what I'm working on, what I have to do, where I have to go. It's when I'm alone (something I haven't been in a long time at school) that I can't decide whether I have the will to make it through the day or just call it quits and try again tomorrow.
All I can think about is him, all I seem to focus on is him. I remember how he would sit to take a phone call, how he would walk, how he would smile at me and I'd smile at him. We stopped holding hands a while ago when we walked. Haha, I never thought I'd tell anyone. Yeah, we held hands until I turned 17, or sometime before then. It was just automatic, and then I never noticed until a few months ago. It was ok, something that needed to be done, I guess.
I just want to tell him that I'm sorry for hurting him. For living so far away when all he wanted was me near by. I knew that he really wanted me to go somewhere close, and I said no, the college experience is about living far away. I sincerely thought he was an overprotective parent. I should have known better, he was my dad. I'm not beating myself up, I'm not, I just wish there were a million little things I did differently.
I hope my TA will help me with my lab! I know he's a prick but I haven't contacted him in a long long time. I'll send him an email asking for his help. I haven't looked over this lab's questions, not since I got back to school.
I think this year's Thanksgiving isn't going to suck as much as the previous years. It's going to be somewhat decent, but I think I'm planning something with my friends. I haven't heard too many details about it, though.
I tried to get back on my diet/exercise/school/work regimen, but I already fucked up. I was at the gym with my roomie, running on the elliptical. There was a Pats/Dolphins (or Jets?) game on, and the Pats won, 48-28. And guess what I do?
'Wow! I thought Tom Brady was out! I guess the Pats are pulling ahead without him or the Dolphins suck. Gotta call my dad.'
I keep on running for about ten more minutes after that because I swear my chest started hurting and it was difficult for me to breathe.
It's...not going to get easy. I still hurt, in small ways. I sometimes forget, you know, I'm so busy I can't think of anything except what I'm working on, what I have to do, where I have to go. It's when I'm alone (something I haven't been in a long time at school) that I can't decide whether I have the will to make it through the day or just call it quits and try again tomorrow.
All I can think about is him, all I seem to focus on is him. I remember how he would sit to take a phone call, how he would walk, how he would smile at me and I'd smile at him. We stopped holding hands a while ago when we walked. Haha, I never thought I'd tell anyone. Yeah, we held hands until I turned 17, or sometime before then. It was just automatic, and then I never noticed until a few months ago. It was ok, something that needed to be done, I guess.
I just want to tell him that I'm sorry for hurting him. For living so far away when all he wanted was me near by. I knew that he really wanted me to go somewhere close, and I said no, the college experience is about living far away. I sincerely thought he was an overprotective parent. I should have known better, he was my dad. I'm not beating myself up, I'm not, I just wish there were a million little things I did differently.
I hope my TA will help me with my lab! I know he's a prick but I haven't contacted him in a long long time. I'll send him an email asking for his help. I haven't looked over this lab's questions, not since I got back to school.
I think this year's Thanksgiving isn't going to suck as much as the previous years. It's going to be somewhat decent, but I think I'm planning something with my friends. I haven't heard too many details about it, though.