A turn from the path...

Apr 02, 2004 00:04

Damn... everytime i turn around my family says that I have to do this or that in order to be acceptable. Do amazing in school, hold a steady job, pay for everything... but when i need them for help all they do is sneer and say that I should have done it differently. News Flash: When something screws up it's usually do to a mistake that you realize post-fuck-up!

In any event, I've been looking at college and thinking to myself that maybe it's just not for me. College is supposed to be the next logical step toward the perfect life but I've started to re-evaluate this idea of perfection. Is perfect working your ass off for 35 years in a stupid job you went to school for for 6-8 years only to enjoy the benefits of your work when you're going on 50 :/ This doesn't sound like a fantastic idea given the fact that most people don't live to be past their 70s. That gives you 20 years of benifits and by then you're too tired and too broken down to enjoy them fully, so you sit around with all your magnificent money and wait to die. Damn, if that's not perfect, i dunno what is.

I want to go out and live an adventure. Do something that someone would say "Holy crap, he's a crazy bastard! I'm suprised he's lived this long!", because in short, people don't live long at all. I'm 20 and I've got absolutely nothin to show for it except a new car and some clothes. That's 20 years i've been alive and all i got to show for it is a mazda and jeans! WTF? You may be saying "well.. you were unable to form sentences for about 1/4 of that time." and you'd be right... but I don't want this to be a reoccuring theme (not being the best I can and settling for lesser goals). I really only want to go out and live MY life rather than have people show me my path to walk.

I've been thinking alot about going into the Marine Corps. and not just serving my country but also living the life of a soldier. Just going out and being the best (physically and mentally) that i can be and then coming back a better person, a more independent person. I've been doing some looking up on the Marine Corps and they offer some nice packages for students who are already involved in college. The pay for a special 10-week class on Officer's Training and cover all costs (food, housing, books, etc). It just feels like a calling to me. I've always been involved in fights, always been involved in some form of high stress environment and seemed to pull through perfectly (if not better) than most people in the same situation.

I guess right now i'm just convincing myself of my decision, but I really do feel like this is what I was meant to do (blow shit up, heh).

For some reason, everyone associates Marines with Death. I've been told by everyone that I've talked to about the marines that I'm going to die, look at Iraq (28 people die a day in that place)... and I just think well, maybe it's not the place for you but I'm not scared to die. I don't want to die this young, but i'm not scared of death. I just wish to live that dream life of waking up and being able to workout and train my body to perfection so that i can be better at my job, and you guys may be thinking... why not just go into a police officer's job? My response... I've seen too many fat bastards in cop uniforms to make me want to be one of them. If anything, after I do some service time, i'll work on goin into SWAT training.

I'm going to take a year off of school and start work full time... see how that pans out and then look at whether i want to go back to college or enter the marines free of parental restrictions (i'd be 21 by then and an independent entity from my parents legally).
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