And you can't take back what you've taken away
How could she ever expect to have a relationship with someone? A real friendship? She was fucked up, and broken, and that was the best she could offer. Faith wouldn't let anyone in, couldn't. It was too much to ask to open herself up and let someone inside, let someone poke around and maybe get caught in all the shit that dragged her down in the first place. It was easy for people to pull out all that psycho babble bullshit, but they didn't know. No one could ever understand what it felt like.
She couldn't make peace with the things that had happened to her-- everyone involved was either dead or long gone, and then there were the things she refused to think about. Things that she refused to talk about to anyone, refused to admit to out loud, even to herself. When Diana had found her father before Kakistos killed her, she'd thought that maybe things could be different, maybe she had a shot at salvaging the fucked up parts of herself. To learn her father was still alive after years of thinking he was dead, just to find out what kind of monster he was... what he'd done, it shattered any illusions she might have had. His selfish search for her forgiveness left another part of her dead inside. She'd bitten her tongue, kept from saying the things that were rolling through her mind when comprehension dawned. That bastard. That sick fucking bastard.
The memories were something that needed to be physically shaken off. It was a road she couldn't afford to go down, not now. No, she needed something to kill, something to hurt to make it ok again. Not that it would ever be ok, she'd always be alone. So maybe it wasn't ok, but she'd accept it. Deal with it. She didn't have a choice. Faith Lehane was a Slayer, and people were a weakness. It was a promise she made to herself on that bus to Sunnydale, a mantra to be repeated over and over again until she believed it.
Faith was never going to be weak again, damaged or not.
Dreaming comes so easily
'cause it's all that i've known
True love is a fairy tale
I'm damaged, so how would i know
I'm scared and i'm alone
I'm ashamed
And i need for you to know
I didn't say all the things that i wanted to say
And you can't take back what you've taken away
'cause i feel you, i feel you near me
I didn't say all the things that i wanted to say
And you can't take back what you've taken away
'cause i feel you, i feel you near me
Healing comes so painfully
And it chills to the bone
Will anyone get close to me?
I'm damaged, as i'm sure you know
There's mending for my soul
An ending to this fear
Forgiveness for a man who was stronger
I was just a little girl, but i can't go back
Originally this was going to be about why Faith felt protective over Ryan, what with them both having shitty fathers. It just didn't end up that way. Apologies! Everything used in the prompt came from the backstory laid out for Faith in Go Ask Malice.
She couldn't make peace with the things that had happened to her-- everyone involved was either dead or long gone, and then there were the things she refused to think about. Things that she refused to talk about to anyone, refused to admit to out loud, even to herself. When Diana had found her father before Kakistos killed her, she'd thought that maybe things could be different, maybe she had a shot at salvaging the fucked up parts of herself. To learn her father was still alive after years of thinking he was dead, just to find out what kind of monster he was... what he'd done, it shattered any illusions she might have had. His selfish search for her forgiveness left another part of her dead inside. She'd bitten her tongue, kept from saying the things that were rolling through her mind when comprehension dawned. That bastard. That sick fucking bastard.
The memories were something that needed to be physically shaken off. It was a road she couldn't afford to go down, not now. No, she needed something to kill, something to hurt to make it ok again. Not that it would ever be ok, she'd always be alone. So maybe it wasn't ok, but she'd accept it. Deal with it. She didn't have a choice. Faith Lehane was a Slayer, and people were a weakness. It was a promise she made to herself on that bus to Sunnydale, a mantra to be repeated over and over again until she believed it.
Faith was never going to be weak again, damaged or not.
Dreaming comes so easily
'cause it's all that i've known
True love is a fairy tale
I'm damaged, so how would i know
I'm scared and i'm alone
I'm ashamed
And i need for you to know
I didn't say all the things that i wanted to say
And you can't take back what you've taken away
'cause i feel you, i feel you near me
I didn't say all the things that i wanted to say
And you can't take back what you've taken away
'cause i feel you, i feel you near me
Healing comes so painfully
And it chills to the bone
Will anyone get close to me?
I'm damaged, as i'm sure you know
There's mending for my soul
An ending to this fear
Forgiveness for a man who was stronger
I was just a little girl, but i can't go back
Originally this was going to be about why Faith felt protective over Ryan, what with them both having shitty fathers. It just didn't end up that way. Apologies! Everything used in the prompt came from the backstory laid out for Faith in Go Ask Malice.