Part Two - Chapter Six
Part Two
Chapter Six
“Faith?…We’re back!”
Faith leapt to her feet and ran out to the lobby to see Angel standing in the doorway to the hotel. She looked around the room and then back to Angel.
“Where’s Wesley?”
Angel’s hand immediately went to the back of his neck.
“He’s upstairs. I think he wants to be alone for a while; the magics that the shaman used must have really taken it out of him.”
Faith ignored Angel, and began to walk towards the staircase. Honestly, she didn’t know what the hell she was going to say to Wesley; all she knew was that she had to see for herself that he was ok.
“Which room?” Faith asked as she walked past Angel in the direction of the first floor, before being stopped by him as he pulled her arm back towards him.
“He’s fine Faith. He just needs some rest.”
“How do you know what he needs!?” Faith asked, angry now.
“Oh, and you do Faith? Just because you and him spent one night together, it doesn’t mean you know him. You of all people should know that!” Angel’s eyes met with her own and she saw the hurt and anger hidden beneath them. He knew, and clearly wasn’t very happy about this new development. Faith shrugged his hand off of her hand and glared at him. Who was he to presume that he understood what was going on between her and Wesley? She barely understood it, so for Angel to get all high and mighty about it was bull.
“Back off, Angel. It’s got nothing to do with you. Just tell me, which room?” Faith’s eyes, along with the emotions pouring out of every fiber in her being, told him that if he didn’t tell her, this scene was going to end in violence. Angel’s sigh was full of frustration as he told her where to go. Without so much as a thank you, Faith began to walk up the stairs to Wesley’s room.
“Don’t hurt him Faith. He’s not like you. He’s not like us.”
“I know. That’s exactly what I like about him.”
†
As soon as Wes had found himself in the familiar space of his old room in the hotel, his breathing had become more regular, and his heartbeats less erratic. As he slipped out of the scrubs, he made his way to the bathroom to wash up. Turning the shower on to the hottest temperature he could get, he walked in and stood under the steaming water, trying desperately not to think of the last time he had been in a shower, and who had been with him; he could recall with alarming precision the way that her skin had felt against his under the spray of water. No, thinking about that might mean having to forgo a hot shower for a cold one instead.
It felt good-the hot water. It seemed to wash away his aches and pains as he stood there, his head bent down. He didn’t bother to wash his hair. All he wanted was a quick clean up before…well, he didn’t know what. Was he going to go downstairs? Find Faith? Ask her what the hell was going on between them? Because it was killing him: thinking that it might have mattered less to her than it had to him, even though she had breathed his name like a prayer and had looked deep into his eyes when he’d taken her in the shower the other night, and on the coffee table, and the various other locations of his apartment.
As he toweled off he decided that that might not be the best course of action to confront her. Angel had been right about one thing. He was playing with fire. The trouble was that he was starting to develop a taste for it…for her. He wasn’t the sort of man who could have that sort of connection with someone and then move on as if it hadn’t happened. He wanted more.
He wanted her.
He wanted her to look at him the way she had the other night. He wanted to open her up and find out all of her secrets, to linger on them and turn them over like sacred artifacts. It shocked him, frankly. He’d thought at the time that it was just a release, but being with Faith had opened up a Pandora’s Box of repressed feelings. He hadn’t felt this way about anyone since…well, perhaps he had never felt quite this way about anyone. His feelings for Faith were complex. At times he had wanted to murder her in the past. He had wanted to make her suffer for making him feel like a failure. But the truth was that they had both failed. She had failed to be the dutiful slayer, and he had failed to be her watcher. Perhaps those labels were never meant for them.
Wes sighed as he pulled on a clean pair of jeans. Reaching for the towel again, he rubbed his head into it to dry his hair. He was about to reach for a shirt when he heard a soft tap at the door, causing him to drop the shirt in surprise as he turned toward the sound. Before he could respond, Faith was there…in his room, closing the door behind her. There were countless scenarios that were playing out in his mind in this moment; but when it came down to it, he was happy just to see her there, looking more or less in tact after her run in with the vampire.
“Hey,” she said tentatively.
“Hey,” he answered back, smiling nervously.
Faith studied him for a moment. He looked good. A hell of a lot better than he had in the hospital. That shaman had certainly known his stuff. She began to walk towards him. All her instincts told her to run over to him and into his arms, but her head told her to hang back. She still had no clue how he felt about her or the night he’d just endured, and wasn’t about to be shot down by him. So she hung back, choosing to lean against the chest of drawers, keeping a healthy distance away from him.
“You O.K.?”
He honestly didn’t know quite how to answer that question, so he gave a weak nod instead of saying anything. Reaching down for the shirt again he avoided eye contact with her and put it on one sleeve at a time, not bothering with the buttons. When he turned back to her he could see that her eyes were filled with worry, and something like affection mixed with restrained passion. It was like looking in a mirror. He felt the same way.
Is she in love with you?
Angel’s question had haunted him ever since they had left the hospital. He didn’t know how to answer to it, but the words had played over and over in his head, along with jumbled memories of Faith speaking to him when he had been lying there on the hospital bed. Those words, mixed with the look in her eyes, gave him courage in this moment to speak. He could have done a thousand things in that moment. He could have taken her in his arms and kissed her passionately and murmured things in her ear about love and longing and the hole inside him that she suddenly seemed to fill. But he knew that they needed to talk. He needed to know how she felt.
“Faith, we need to talk.”
There. He’d said it. And the moment the words left his mouth, they rang in his ears. There was something almost cold about them. He hadn’t intended that, and his expression softened immediately to let her know that he was on the same page as her. Felt the same way that he was suspecting she felt.
“What happened between us…at my apartment, I mean. I need to know. Did it mean something to you? Or was it just a release?”
He wanted to say that it meant something to him, that it meant a hell of a lot to him; but after speaking these few sentences his mouth went dry. He looked to her in anticipation, his heartbeat growing erratic again. He had just taken a huge risk. He knew that. But he didn’t know what else to do. The emotions he was feeling were threatening to overpower him, and he needed to know without a doubt how she felt.
Faith visibly began to put her barriers up as she stood in front of Wesley. Her hands ran through her hair before finding themselves crossed tightly across her chest as she averted her eyes from Wesley’s semi-bare torso.
She couldn’t believe he’d just laid it all out like that. She had thought they’d be dancing around this awkward conversation for at least another few more days, but the tone of Wesley’s voice, and the look of anticipation in his eyes that she was currently avoiding, showed her that he meant business. She straightened up and walked towards him, not knowing what the hell she was going to say.
Her instincts were of course to run, mentally if not physically as far away as she could get from Wesley and the situation in hand.
Faith had always kept her defenses up when it came to men, choosing to keep her heart and emotions to herself, for fear of getting hurt. And so far she’d managed to succeed, her heart had been left unbroken for a number of years now; only problem was that it hadn’t been loved for all those years either.
“You know what happened, Wes. What? You need me to draw you a diagram?” Faith regretted those words as soon as they left her mouth. It wasn’t what she wanted to say, not what she wanted to say at all, but her mouth had reverted back to the character she’d played for so long: the girl who’d treated sex as a release and didn’t give a toss about who she got it from as long as she got it. But it hadn’t been that way with Wesley. Well, maybe it had at first. The letdown from her first encounter with the vamp had left Faith itching for something, something that Wesley had given her again and again that day.
However, somewhere during their time together things had shifted and Faith had begun to see Wesley in a new light. Faith had allowed him in, into her soul, as their bodies had found a rhythm and a connection that she had never felt before.
It was much more than just sex when it came to Wesley. He’d been there for her. Not just this one time, but before. He had been the one who had trusted her to bring down Angelus, and had supported her every inch of the way. Faith had felt their connection then, the electricity between them had been tangible as they had fought together to re-ensoul the vampire; all the sex did for Faith was reinforce the feelings she had already felt. The feelings she had refused to admit to before.
Faith knew in her gut how she felt. She knew that what she wanted to be doing right now was kissing him. She wanted to be taken in his arms as she had been the day before and for Wesley to wipe out all the horrors they had been though that night.
Faith’s mouth suddenly became very dry as she tried to muster the words she wanted to say to him. The words that she was terrified of saying.
What if he just saw her as a one night fling? That was the impression she gave off to men. ‘Get some, get gone.’ Only now she didn’t want Wes to go. She wanted to see what would happen next if…
No matter what Faith thought, she simply didn’t have the confidence in herself to actually say the truth to Wesley. She’d been shot down by everyone she had ever tried to love before, and wasn’t going to put herself in that position again, even though in her heart, Faith knew that Wesley wouldn’t hurt her, she just couldn’t trust herself not to hurt Wesley.
“Look, Wes. I’m sorry if you thought we were gonna get all lovey-dovey after our little rough and tumble yesterday, but I think you know that that really ain’t my style.” It pained Faith to say these words. All the walls she’d built up brick by brick over the years simply refused to let anyone into her heart. Faith looked down at the floor, knowing full well that if Wesley caught even a glimpse into her eyes he would know the truth and that these words were just part of her defensive mask. Turning away from him, Faith nervously cracked her knuckles as she tried to convince not only Wesley, but herself as well, that she wasn’t interested in taking things any further.
“Even if I wanted to-and I’m not that I’m saying that I do-it wouldn’t work between us. I’m just not that kinda girl. Yesterday… was an outlet. A means to an end. That’s all.”
Wesley tried not to let the sting of Faith’s words show on his face. Over the years, he had developed a small degree of skill in putting on a certain front to the world. He wasn’t an expert at it though, and for a flash of a second, he knew that he had faltered a little while trying to look Faith in the eyes. He doubted that she’d seen it, as she seemed to avoid eye contact with him at every turn, but nevertheless, he cursed himself inwardly for it as the words she spoke resonated in his ears.
An outlet.
Wes would normally have felt indignation at such a statement. For some reason, he didn’t right now. He felt many things. Disappointment, anger, hurt. But seeing as he didn’t believe a word that was coming out of her mouth, he did not feel indignation. Faith may be many things, but she was definitely not a good liar. Wes studied every nervous twitch in her face as she spoke and read her expressions like they were one of the many languages that he knew how to translate. It gave him some comfort from the blow of her words. But even though he knew she was putting up her walls, he didn’t want to retreat. He had gotten the question out in the open. What did he have to lose at this point?
“On the other hand, perhaps pushing would be the wrong thing to do with Faith,” he thought as he looked at her. She seemed so far away from him now.
“Or perhaps it’s the only way…”
He knew that if he pushed her further, he risked bringing out that dark side of Faith that only he really knew. It was a fierce thing. Ruthless, but strangely passionate as well. When they had fought Angelus years ago, he had known that the only way for her to get into the game was to push harder. To bring out the side of her that she had worked so hard to bury in prison. He knew now that she had sincerely changed since the night that she had tortured him. She had set out on a path to redemption, and she had stayed more or less on that path. But he also knew that somewhere deep down inside her the old Faith still lay dormant. The odd thing was that this knowledge didn’t frighten him. If anything, it excited him.
He wagered that if he were to awaken that side of her, he could get Faith to break down the barriers she was putting up now.
It was a dangerous notion. But he couldn’t accept how this was turning out.
If he hadn’t known Faith as well as he did, he would have taken her words at face value and let the subject go. Perhaps that would have even been the proper thing to do anyways. But he did know her. And right now he didn’t give a damn about propriety. He had known yesterday, even when they were having sex, that she would probably deny that it meant anything the next day. But he could tell that she was posturing now. He could tell from her face and her eyes that the words were lies.
And he wasn’t going to accept a lie. Especially not from her. And especially not now, after the day they had been through.
Her words rang in his ears.
Even if I wanted to, not that I’m saying that I do, it wouldn’t work between us. I’m just not that kinda girl. Yesterday… was an outlet. A means to an end. That’s all.
Perhaps things wouldn’t work out between them. But Wes sure as hell wasn’t going to act like nothing had happened between them from here on out.
“I’m sorry Faith, but I don’t believe that to be true,” he said calmly, almost coolly, doing his best to cover up the fire the burned inside him. He felt his pulse start to quicken as he moved closer to where Faith stood. He could feel it there between them. The spark. The electricity. The fire. It was maddening and intoxicating. Wonderful and awful at the same time. He felt drunk from it, and it gave him the power to go on.
“I heard what you said in the hospital. You may have thought that I was unconscious. And for a moment I had thought myself that I was hearing things…but I am certain now. You were about to say something to me. Something important.”
Faith furrowed her brow in confusion. Shouldn’t that be it? She’d said her peace, shouldn’t he been walking away right now? Relieved that he didn’t have a loved-up slayer on his hands? Instead he was moving closer, making Faith feel almost trapped between him and the wall behind. She averted her eyes from the uncomfortable tension that had formed between them as she felt Wesley’s warm, rough hand touch her face, gently persuading her eyes to look back up into his own. With one look she knew that her half-hearted words had done nothing to convince him.
“Look at me, Faith,” he quietly spoke. “Look me in the eyes and tell me that it meant nothing.”
Faith kept her eyes fixed on Wesley’s as her face began to get hotter under his touch. She could feel her eyes filling with tears, but she refused to let them escape. Why was she being like this? This wasn’t her. She wasn’t built to get all wet-eyed over a guy. Faith had fought so hard and protected herself so much to keep herself and her heart out of situations just like this, and now she felt helpless to stop the emotions that threatened to spill out.
“It meant…it meant nothing Wes. Nothing. There, I said it. It meant nothing to me. Just another notch in the bedpost.” Faith tried to move out of his reach, but his hand remained on her face, refusing her luxury of turning away from the hurt look in his eyes.
“Let go of me Wes.”
Wesley didn’t move, his eyes never wavering from hers.
“What? What do you want me to say? That you rocked my world? I saw fireworks? I didn’t picture you as the romantic type, Wes, and I’m sure as hell you didn’t picture me as being that way. It was just sex. Now, let go before I have to get rough with you.”
Once again, Wesley retained his hold on Faith. His face remained emotionless and totally calm, while Faith was breaking inside. She was drowning, and all she could see was Wesley, forcing her to deal with him by refusing to react to her snide and hurtful comments. All the fear, the rage, the frustration that had built up over the years began to spill out of her mouth and she was helpless to stop it.
All reason left Wesley as held Faith in place, even though she’d warned him to let go. He knew that she could leave if she really wanted to. She was far stronger than he was. But even though she told him to let go of her, she wasn’t making any great attempts to leave.
“What did you think? That we’d get hitched and you’d been surrounded by a bunch of mini-Wesleys nipping at your heels? This isn’t a fairytale Wes. We don’t live in that world with birds chirping and happy endings. And even if I did ‘perhaps’ feel something or whatever, I’m not gonna lay myself out there just to be stomped over. That ain’t me and it’s never gonna be me, so quit looking at me like that!” Faith shoved his hand away and blocked it as it tried to return.
“Stop it! Stop it Wes.” Faith pushed him away, her face now full of anger towards the pressure Wesley was inflicting on her. She had to remove herself from the situation, get out before she said something she actually meant. Faith, fists clenched down by her sides, moved towards the bedroom door, just getting a hand on the doorknob before Wesley grabbed hold of her arm.
A moment ago Wesley had had the notion to back down before this got out of hand, but as soon as she’d struggled free he felt like the world might end if she walked out that door. He felt like he was being controlled by something other than himself. It was terrible, but also exhilarating. He knew he should back down, but he couldn’t. He wouldn’t let this end here, and he knew that if he let her go in this moment that it would end here. He would be yet another one night stand to her. The thought of that made him desperate. He needed her. He wanted her.
“Do you think that I would hurt you like that, Faith? You really don’t know the first thing about me, do you?” Wesley said as he held Faith by the arm so that she couldn’t leave. He didn’t know why he was acting like this. It wasn’t like him at all to be so forceful with a woman. But this wasn’t just any woman. This was Faith. And he knew that she felt something. He wanted her to admit it. He couldn’t let this go. He wouldn’t. He was furious with her now.
“And as for the fairytale fantasy, you should know that I gave up on that long ago,” Wesley said through gritted teeth, tightening his grip on the slayer’s arm. “If you think I’m some starry-eyed lad with a crush, and dreams of a white picked fence or whatever it is people bloody dream about, then you are wrong. I’ve grown accustomed to the horrors in this world, Faith. And so have you. And I am not saying that I am going to put you up on a pedestal. I know what you are. I haven’t forgotten. You aren’t the girl one brings home to mother. But there is something between us, and I will be damned if I am going to become just another one of your meaningless fucks.”
Wesley was suddenly thrown back as Faith’s fist collided with his face. As he gathered his bearings he reached a hand up to his nose, and felt the warm blood trickling out. It wasn’t exactly what he was hoping for, but it was something. He would rather she beat him to a bloody pulp than walk out that door, out of his life. Even if she did, it wouldn’t be over. It would never be over. They were a part of each other. Always had been. Always would be.
“They say you always hurt the one you love,” he said, just before Faith came flying at him again. He had managed to royally piss her off, but he’d known that this would be a consequence of trying to break down her walls. As she attacked him, he did his best to keep from fighting back. He wanted to hit her too, but he wouldn’t let himself. If she wanted to take this out on him, he would take it. Maybe it would show her how much he cared. It was deranged, and he knew that. But it was all he had to cling to.
As for Faith, the first punch had been a reaction; pure instinct had taken over as Faith had thrown her fist into Wesley’s face. The second had been out of anger for his brutal words that continued to echo around her head. After that, the number of blows and punches didn’t matter, because they all led to one thing. One reason for this outburst.
Fear.
Fear for the unknown, fear of the next step, fear of actually letting someone in to her heart. But most of all it was the fear of allowing herself to stop the lies, the false pretences and excuses she kept telling people, herself included.
Faith shoved him up against the wall, the raging fire he’d ignited in her burned brightly in her eyes as she pinned his shoulders tightly against the plaster.
“You think you know who am I, do you? You don’t have a clue! You think I’m really capable of love? Please! I’m a slayer. Built to kill, not get all snugly with some guy just because he’s ‘grown accustomed’ to the hell ride I’ve been chosen to go through on a daily basis! I’m just that Rabid Dog, remember? I’m just an animal, a fighter. A weapon. I’m the bad seed in the slayer family that tortured you for hours on end and loved every minute of it!”
Grabbing him by his shirt, Faith tossed him onto the floor and stood over him.
“You ain’t even gonna put up a fight Wes? You’re not gonna stand your ground against the little bitch that used you for one night and then tossed you to the side along with all the other creeps in her life? No, better than that. I didn’t toss you to the side, no. I got you kidnapped by a vampire who left you for dead! Admit it! You know it was all my fault. Come on Wes!” Faith picked him up off of the ground, only to immediately release a powerful right hook to the side of his jaw.
“Fight back! Come on Wes, show a gal what you’re made of! Be angry with me! Hate me! Where’s the rogue demon hunter now? Fight back, Wes! I know you’re just dying to take a swing at me! After everything, after everything we’ve been through, you’ve gotta have some hate for me bubbling up inside. Let it out! Hate me!” Faith moved a foot back from where Wesley lay. The ex-watcher was still dazed from her last shot at him. Her fist was raised and ready to strike. The anger inside told her to finish it, to finish him for pushing her into a corner that she couldn’t get out of. For making her feel so much love and passion in one day, then to have it replaced with worry and fear when he’d gotten kidnapped. For making her have feelings for him as he lay broken and battered in the hospital only hours before. She could finish it all now, take away all the pain that the future would inevitably contain, before either one of them got too attached.
But then she looked at him; looked at him lying beneath her, his face swollen from her fists. Her eyes followed the trail of blood coming from his nose down towards his chin.
What had she done?
Her fist dropped down and unclenched as her hand moved to cover her mouth. The realization of what she had just done came into effect. Tears began to escape her eyes as she knelt down next to Wesley. Her hand cautiously reached out to touch his battered face.
Gasping for breath after Faith’s final punch, Wesley reached over for the towel that had dropped to the floor earlier and gingerly wiped the blood from his nose and face. When he had finished, he looked up and saw that Faith was staring at him with what looked like remorse written all over her face. He squinted as her hand came up to touch his face apologetically and leaned into her touch. He had let her do this to him, but he wasn’t angry with her. Not really. He’d known that he would push her over the edge with his words. They had been angry words that he hadn’t really meant. He hoped that she would know that. He knew that she couldn’t help who she was.
Faith knew she should try and explain her inexcusable actions; she should try to talk to Wesley about the fear she had of losing him, which was making her pull away from him now so she couldn’t get hurt. She should at least attempt an apology for the beating he’d just endured at her hands. But Faith did none of those things. Instead she leant over Wesley and looked him in the eye, as she finally allowed both her wet eyes and her actions to speak the truth instead of the façade they were so used to playing.
Slowly, Faith’s hand ran through his hair as she bought his mouth towards her own and kissed him. Relief washed over her as Wesley returned her kisses with a determination that told her that he wasn’t going anywhere.
Wesley let out a sigh, and reached up to put a hand on the back of her neck, drawing her down onto the floor with him. One of his hands tangled in her hair as he crushed his lips against hers, which sought him out with abandon as his other arm wrapped around her. As the tears flowed down her cheeks, Wesley kissed them away, and held Faith close, acting as her anchor in the sea of emotion that had overtaken her.
“Shhh, don’t cry, Faith,” he whispered in her ear as sobs overtook her. He continued kissing her face and wiping away her tears as they came, and soothed her with tender words to show that he wasn’t angry with her.
He pulled back and looked into her eyes, tucking a wayward strand of dark hair behind her ear. Her eyes spoke volumes, and no matter what happened, the way they looked right now would be burned into his memory forever. He leaned forward again and kissed her forehead, and then her lips. It was a soft kiss. Almost chaste. And they stayed like that for what seemed like forever, gently exploring each other’s mouths.
Her tears still hadn’t subsided. He could tell that she was still troubled.
“It wasn’t your fault Faith,” Wesley said softly when the kiss finally ended. “What happened yesterday, I mean. You did everything you could, and you saved me in the end. And as for the past, you should know that I forgave you for that long ago. We needn’t speak of it again.” He wiped another tear away with his thumb.
“I’m sorry for the things I said. And I am sorry if it appears that I am pressuring you. I don’t want to. I just didn’t want you to end this out of fear. I am as surprised as you are about…recent developments. And if I truly believed that you didn’t want me, I would back down. But I believe you have feelings for me, Faith. I can see it in your eyes. I…” Wes’ voice wavered with the emotion he was feeling. “I just didn’t want you to walk out that door.”
Faith’s defenses were gone, stripped down to nothing as Wesley held her body close to his own, his fingers lightly stroking her face as he erased the tears she had shed that night. Faith was exhausted. Wesley had dragged her screaming into a very dark place tonight. A place full of self-loathing and disgust for what she had become. However, with just one kiss of forgiveness Wesley had bought her right back. Right back to him.
He wasn’t angry at her for her outburst; her actions were returned with nothing but love and a deep need for her-the same need that she now recognized in herself for him.
The shock of her actions tonight had thrown Faith. They scared her. How she could be so cruel and violent toward the one person who she knew beyond any shadow of doubt that she could trust? She'd thrown all that trust back in his face, in the literal sense. Fear was and would forever be Faith’s greatest weakness. For someone who portrayed herself to others as confident, leaning towards borderline cocky even, Faith was surprisingly scared of so many things. But at that very moment she wasn’t scared, tense or even nervous. All she felt was safe. Safe in Wesley’s arms, as though no one could hurt her-not even herself.
Faith listened to the words that Wesley whispered soothingly against her ear, taking them in and digesting them over and over again. He was right. They had something, something that she’d noticed a while ago, but was only now able to see it properly. You could call it a spark, a connection, whatever. All Faith knew was that it was something powerful and undeniable that she had never expected, and yet now she wondered how she never saw it before.
Wesley had seen her at her worst times. Times when she thought the darkness that forever resided beneath her skin would consume her. She had used him on numerous occasions, resorted to violence against him more times than she cared to remember. And yet he was still here, lying beside her, still kissing her, still wanting her.
Faith lay in his arms from what seemed like forever, holding him, kissing him and allowing him to comfort her through the tears of regret that continued to stream from her eyes.
“I’m so… I don’t know what… I would never want to hurt you. I’m just… I don’t know.”
Every touch of his hand, every kiss from his lips eased Faith’s inner rage as she slowly began to let go of the adrenaline, which had been keeping her going all this time. She allowed her to relax in his arms as they lay side by side on the bedroom floor.
“I’m sorry, so sorry for everything. The vamp, the police station, me… everything. I should never have gotten you involved… but then I’m pretty sure I’d be held up in a cell somewhere or worse, sucked dry by that vamp. It was you that got me through… that’s what I was trying to tell you at the hospital. You’re the reason I was strong enough…”
Faith could feel her eyelids aching, her muscles twitching and shivering as they longed to sleep, but Faith denied them, choosing to stay in Wesley’s embrace for as long as her tired body would allow. She kissed him again, with everything she had left in her.
It was Wesley who broke this last kiss, as he noticed that Faith was shivering. He wasn’t sure if it was from the emotions that she was feeling or if she was cold, but he instantly felt a surge of protectiveness and started to get up, groaning a little at the pain in his side from where he had hit the floor earlier.
“You should get warm,” he spoke as he scooped her up off the floor and carried her to the bed. He pulled the covers down, and then over her again, tucking her in tight before leaning down sit next to her on the bed. He placed two more soft kisses on each of her eyelids. Looking at her in this moment, his heart felt like it would burst. She seemed so small and so lost-so unlike the woman that had nearly pummeled him into unconsciousness only ten minutes ago. He didn’t know what he should do next. Faith clearly needed some rest. She probably hadn’t had a good night’s sleep in days. His hand found hers and he laced his fingers through her own as he continued to look down at her.
God, how he wanted to stay with her tonight-to make love to her and show her how he felt. He wanted to show her the tenderness that he suspected she had never had. But another part of him wanted to start over-to take things slow. Either way, he wanted to give her something that she had never had before: respect and care. If she didn’t have respect for herself it was most likely the result of never having received it from anyone else. He wanted to change that…to show her with his actions that she was worth more than that.
He decided that he would leave it up to her.
“You can sleep here if you’d like, Faith. I can stay on the couch over there,” Wesley nodded to the divan across the room. “I will be close by.”
“Wesley?” Faith’s voice was quiet as she struggled to speak though her hoarse and scratched throat.
“Can’t you just lie here with… with me. Just for a while?” Before Faith could hear the answer, her eyes closed and she drifted off into a deep sleep, proving how exhausted she really was.
Wesley let out a sigh of relief as he walked to the other side of the bed and crawled in under the covers. He was glad that he wouldn’t have to sleep on the couch tonight...especially since it was about half his length. Just the thought of it made him hurt a little more.
As soon as he was beside Faith, he felt her stirring a little, but when she turned on her side facing away from him, he knew she was really asleep. Wes wrapped himself around her protectively, moving her hair aside to kiss the back of her neck and then her left shoulder, before laying his head on the pillow. Being so close to her was both torturous and wonderful, but exhaustion soon took hold of him as well, and he drifted off into a dreamless, heavy sleep.
Chapter Seven