Old Friends...
And this would be the third entry that has the same subject... And two of the posts are somewhat about the same individual. Crazy.
Remember the decision that was taken out of my hands (thankfully) more than three years ago? This one?
Yeah, she's ... complicated. And Nickie, I kind of forgot to tell her what you had asked me to tell her should she ever try to contact me. Sorry dude, but there's no way I want to try to open up the communication lines again.
Based on what she told me about talking to my old high school friends back in 2004, I think she was attempting to become a healthier person by "having discussions with old friends" and that once she'd gotten forgiven for her treatment of me during high school (that would be during 1996-2001), she'd be okay to move on to other things.
Or hey, maybe she really wanted my friend again?
...
*snort* Yeah, I really didn't think that would be the reason either. I can't take that last option seriously, even if that was what she truly meant to do.
Anyway, she talked to me through facebook and wanted me to forgive her for being a jerk through high school. She wished me well but frankly ... coming from her, it felt more like it was just a polite thing to say that would make me think she was being sincere. Yeah, I'm not sure if she was trying to be sincere or not, but I vote for not.
Here's this issues I find with her attempt to mend the bridges between us:
First off, she lies about how she found me on facebook. I'm not listed in the part that she claims to have found me in, however before she contacted me, she 'friended' one of our mutual friends, so I can see that she probably found me that way ... but the thing is ... why the hell would you lie to me about that? Why is it so important for you to say how you (didn't) find me?
Secondly, how has facebook helped her to find me? She knows about this journal, so it's pretty damn easy to find me through livejournal. Easier, actually, than finding me through facebook. Which I believe you can't do unless you look through the groups I'm in or if you search for my actual name (or you know, look through my friend's friends lists).
Thirdly, I'm not sure of exactly what she's apologizing for (if it's just high school or if it extends to her belief that I should find her religion to be the one true religion, which is the basis of an argument we got into a fight over in 2003/2004). If it's just for how she acted in high school, she can go blow me. High school was fucked up for me mainly because of her, yes. Is her apologizing trying to make up for messing with me for five years, or is it so that she can feel less guilty for her treatment of other people (it wasn't just me, but frankly, I let her do it to me far longer than anybody else did ... I think)?
Does she wish she could go back to high school and be nicer to people? Or does she wish more people in her past didn't have a view of her as being a selfish, manipulative bitch?
Fourth: What exactly is her purpose for getting in contact with me? The last time this happened, she got me to be her friend again until the religion argument. Strangely enough, between high school and when she started talking to me again was about three years and that was the longest we ever went not talking (we've known each other since we were in kindergarten). Also strange, it's been three years since that argument ended with me deciding that she was not a friend worth having.
I just don't know how to take her trying to get in contact with me other than her attempting to mess with me again. And I don't need that. I never did, but that didn't stop her from doing it in the past.
Fifth: Regarding our argument about religion, she felt like she should save me ... that I remember because I was shocked that she should feel the need to 'save' me to a religion that I hate, that allowed me to be violated repeatedly because, gee, when you confess to a priest, they don't say anything to the police because of their vows. The way she phrased 'take care of myself' makes me think that she still feels as though I'm a lost sheep in need of a shepherd.
I probably didn't make myself as clear as I would have liked with my reply back to her though. I mentioned something to the effect that I thought her words were just meaningless. What I meant to say was that I don't need to hear that she's sorry. And she doesn't need to hear that I forgive her. Mainly because I don't think that she's really sorry and also, I don't forgive her.
What I need for her to do is to be a better person. I don't necessarily need to see her being a better person since I don't really care. But to prove that she is trying to be a better person, I need to know that she isn't attempting to manipulate people. And contacting me again? I consider that to be pure and simple manipulation.
From her facebook info, apparently she's a teacher. I'm studying to be a teacher. Technically, we have that in common. Otherwise? We have a history together that isn't pleasant to think back on. Is that, or should that be, a good basis for a friendship?
I don't think so.
Man, what a great pre-birthday gift to give me. Stress me out some more why don't you. Gah.
Why can't any of my old guy friends try to get in contact with me? I'd love to know what happened to any of them in the past eleven years. The girls? Not so much.
Hmmm, wonder if any of my old guy friends are on facebook...?
Remember the decision that was taken out of my hands (thankfully) more than three years ago? This one?
Yeah, she's ... complicated. And Nickie, I kind of forgot to tell her what you had asked me to tell her should she ever try to contact me. Sorry dude, but there's no way I want to try to open up the communication lines again.
Based on what she told me about talking to my old high school friends back in 2004, I think she was attempting to become a healthier person by "having discussions with old friends" and that once she'd gotten forgiven for her treatment of me during high school (that would be during 1996-2001), she'd be okay to move on to other things.
Or hey, maybe she really wanted my friend again?
...
*snort* Yeah, I really didn't think that would be the reason either. I can't take that last option seriously, even if that was what she truly meant to do.
Anyway, she talked to me through facebook and wanted me to forgive her for being a jerk through high school. She wished me well but frankly ... coming from her, it felt more like it was just a polite thing to say that would make me think she was being sincere. Yeah, I'm not sure if she was trying to be sincere or not, but I vote for not.
Here's this issues I find with her attempt to mend the bridges between us:
First off, she lies about how she found me on facebook. I'm not listed in the part that she claims to have found me in, however before she contacted me, she 'friended' one of our mutual friends, so I can see that she probably found me that way ... but the thing is ... why the hell would you lie to me about that? Why is it so important for you to say how you (didn't) find me?
Secondly, how has facebook helped her to find me? She knows about this journal, so it's pretty damn easy to find me through livejournal. Easier, actually, than finding me through facebook. Which I believe you can't do unless you look through the groups I'm in or if you search for my actual name (or you know, look through my friend's friends lists).
Thirdly, I'm not sure of exactly what she's apologizing for (if it's just high school or if it extends to her belief that I should find her religion to be the one true religion, which is the basis of an argument we got into a fight over in 2003/2004). If it's just for how she acted in high school, she can go blow me. High school was fucked up for me mainly because of her, yes. Is her apologizing trying to make up for messing with me for five years, or is it so that she can feel less guilty for her treatment of other people (it wasn't just me, but frankly, I let her do it to me far longer than anybody else did ... I think)?
Does she wish she could go back to high school and be nicer to people? Or does she wish more people in her past didn't have a view of her as being a selfish, manipulative bitch?
Fourth: What exactly is her purpose for getting in contact with me? The last time this happened, she got me to be her friend again until the religion argument. Strangely enough, between high school and when she started talking to me again was about three years and that was the longest we ever went not talking (we've known each other since we were in kindergarten). Also strange, it's been three years since that argument ended with me deciding that she was not a friend worth having.
I just don't know how to take her trying to get in contact with me other than her attempting to mess with me again. And I don't need that. I never did, but that didn't stop her from doing it in the past.
Fifth: Regarding our argument about religion, she felt like she should save me ... that I remember because I was shocked that she should feel the need to 'save' me to a religion that I hate, that allowed me to be violated repeatedly because, gee, when you confess to a priest, they don't say anything to the police because of their vows. The way she phrased 'take care of myself' makes me think that she still feels as though I'm a lost sheep in need of a shepherd.
I probably didn't make myself as clear as I would have liked with my reply back to her though. I mentioned something to the effect that I thought her words were just meaningless. What I meant to say was that I don't need to hear that she's sorry. And she doesn't need to hear that I forgive her. Mainly because I don't think that she's really sorry and also, I don't forgive her.
What I need for her to do is to be a better person. I don't necessarily need to see her being a better person since I don't really care. But to prove that she is trying to be a better person, I need to know that she isn't attempting to manipulate people. And contacting me again? I consider that to be pure and simple manipulation.
From her facebook info, apparently she's a teacher. I'm studying to be a teacher. Technically, we have that in common. Otherwise? We have a history together that isn't pleasant to think back on. Is that, or should that be, a good basis for a friendship?
I don't think so.
Man, what a great pre-birthday gift to give me. Stress me out some more why don't you. Gah.
Why can't any of my old guy friends try to get in contact with me? I'd love to know what happened to any of them in the past eleven years. The girls? Not so much.
Hmmm, wonder if any of my old guy friends are on facebook...?