my life hurts

[faithnishtha]

today in lit we had a discussion about living life like it is scripted as opposed to improvising. and yeah, so i definitely have been living my life by the script. and sometimes i wish i didn't have to, but its sooo much easier to do that. right now, i wish i could just improvise for a little while and do whats not expected of me. but its so scary, because when i do that, i dont know what will happen. i'll actually have to take a risk. and i tried that before and it didn't work. it was a long time ago, but i didn't forget. and so the second i go "off-script" again i'm pretty much making myself vulnerable. and thats basically what we said in class, but it was more along the lines of college. we stick to the script because we're afraid of what will happen if we don't. and thats exactly what i do, what i'm doing, and what i don't want to do.

i'm also really indecisive, but that's beside the point.