(no subject)

[faithlessfool]

Sometimes, I just don't feel like I'm enough. Enough of a person, enough a wife, enough of anything that matters. I'm so remiss in my life and my feelings. I'm so listless in all things I do. I don't know. It's like on some days I am the most patient of people. Take for instance yesterday. Jake was putting our bed together and couldn't get a part of it done. He was so frustrated that he snapped at me, and I was just trying to be helpful. But, it's okay, because he endures whatever I throw at him. I don't know. It's all so uneven. I don't know where I'm going. I don't know what I'm doing. I don't know anything anymore. I'm not unhappy. I'm not anything. I'm just here.

I keep pissing Jake off. That's all I seem to do. I don't know. I don't know a lot. I don't know anything. And somehow, I know everything. And he keeps looking over here as I'm typing. And I know he's wondering what I'm doing. And I know what else he's thinking. And, I know I hurt his feelings.

I'm really tired, but don't want to sleep. I want to just automatically feel untired.