[Reviews] Movie Night, Episode 11!
So it's been a while, but Movie Night is back! This time with bonus koilungfish and apprentice_lurk... and with one of the most twenty-four-carat-awesome movies I've seen in a looooong time. ^_^
When I discovered that The Expendables existed, I seem to recall letting out a quiet shriek and immediately bumping it to the top of the "films I need to watch" list. The idea of rounding up as many ageing action heroes as possible, shoving them into the same movie and then letting Sylvester Stallone direct it just struck an instant chord. Especially when one of them was Dolph Lundgren, eternally close to my heart for his portrayal of He-Man in Masters of the Universe, and one of the supporting cast was the one and only Stone Cold Steve Austin. There was no way I could not want to see this movie.
Given which, I am delighted to report that it's, if you'll pardon the pun, a stone cold classic. Plot summary: a group of ageing mercenaries (well, some of them more aged than others - Jason Statham isn't as old as all that, to be fair) take on a mission to overthrow a banana-republic general on a small island in the Gulf of Mexico, only to find that a) their rebel contact is the general's daughter, b) the general himself is a puppet for a rogue CIA agent, and c) the guy who they just kicked out of their ranks for being a methhead and a liability has sold them out. That's all you really need to know, because what matters about this film isn't the plot.
What matters is the way it's had the narrative contrast turned right up to "archetype". The way that it occasionally, gleefully shoves an elbow into your ribs right through the fourth wall. The outrageously hypermasculine but still painfully heartfelt emotional interactions between this bunch of burned-out hardcases, all of whom blatantly adore each other in the most macho fashion imaginable. Despite being a quite deliberate pastiche, or indeed epitome, of every action movie ever, The Expendables isn't shallow. It might look that way to an unsympathetic observer, but I call not so - no more than something like Sin City is. The cast are outrageous cliches, but at the same time they're utterly real, and I love that.
Other things I love include the dialogue ("How many men have you got?" "Only your mother!"), the fight scenes oh my GODS the fight scenes (even discounting the potential of a "drink every time you see a move straight out of a WWE ring" game - did Steve Austin help with the choreography there? - it's just SO lovely to see a modern movie that knows how to use middle-distance shots in a fight instead of just showing you a blur of closeups, and the action is gloriously brutal), and the sheer weight and grittiness of the cinematography throughout. I have a real hate-on for modern CGI with its glossy lack of realism, and The Expendables almost completely avoids that trap; everything is solid, everything is real. Cars lurch and thud precariously when they're pushed too hard in the chase scenes, punches connect hard enough to rattle the camera, glass breaks and flammables explode with gratifyingly substantial impact. The only bit of really ropey CGI I spotted was at the end when they had to blow up something that was obviously too expensive to destroy for real, and, y'know, that's a fair cop, can't be helped. I also love the fact that I have never seen anyone apply the Law of Conservation of Ninjutsu to more hilarious effect than Jet Li does here as Yin Yang (yes, really), a man who's neurotic about his short stature and therefore appears to consist entirely of CONCENTRATED NINJA. The fight scene where he's facing former teammate Gunner under a low ceiling is sheer fucking genius. ("I would've win!")
And then there's the little things. Like the ultimate "wait, my slash goggles are stuck" moment after Church asks Ross and Trench "you guys aren't about to start sucking each other's dicks, are you?" and the LOOK Ross gives Trench - it's apparently even more hilarious than it looked because Church's line was ad-libbed, so OMG THANK YOU STALLONE BEST REACTION SHOT EVER and also thank you Bruce Willis for apparently having a filthy mind. <3. (Actually, Arnie's appearance as Trench, despite only being a cameo, is a massive high point of the film - he and Stallone bounce off each other perfectly, exactly like two such alpha males should do in such tight confines, and Arnie's exit from the scene had us all screaming with laughter for reasons I won't spoiler.) Or like the knife-throwing contests between Christmas (yes, apparently Jason Statham's character is called Lee Christmas, the names in this film are wonderfully surreal on occasion) and Tool, played by Mickey Rourke. I love knives, and those guys handle them with such cool dexterity and confidence that it's downright beautiful to watch - and when the credits roll, it's on a throw from Christmas that actually prompted me to break into spontaneous applause.
Or like the moment when Ross is saying farewell to Sandra, the aforementioned general's daughter, at the end of the movie, which damn near broke my heart; you see him hug her, then he very fractionally dips his head as though he's thinking of kissing her. And then he pulls away, so clearly realising on some level that he's not that kind of hero and this isn't that kind of story, and it's such a tiny detail but it says so much about both his character and the whole point of the film itself. It really is, as in all the best stories, the little things that make it.
So yeah. I could say a ton more, but I'd rather just tell you all to go and watch the damn thing already. 4.5/5 and what are you waiting for?
Laters,
Rath
When I discovered that The Expendables existed, I seem to recall letting out a quiet shriek and immediately bumping it to the top of the "films I need to watch" list. The idea of rounding up as many ageing action heroes as possible, shoving them into the same movie and then letting Sylvester Stallone direct it just struck an instant chord. Especially when one of them was Dolph Lundgren, eternally close to my heart for his portrayal of He-Man in Masters of the Universe, and one of the supporting cast was the one and only Stone Cold Steve Austin. There was no way I could not want to see this movie.
Given which, I am delighted to report that it's, if you'll pardon the pun, a stone cold classic. Plot summary: a group of ageing mercenaries (well, some of them more aged than others - Jason Statham isn't as old as all that, to be fair) take on a mission to overthrow a banana-republic general on a small island in the Gulf of Mexico, only to find that a) their rebel contact is the general's daughter, b) the general himself is a puppet for a rogue CIA agent, and c) the guy who they just kicked out of their ranks for being a methhead and a liability has sold them out. That's all you really need to know, because what matters about this film isn't the plot.
What matters is the way it's had the narrative contrast turned right up to "archetype". The way that it occasionally, gleefully shoves an elbow into your ribs right through the fourth wall. The outrageously hypermasculine but still painfully heartfelt emotional interactions between this bunch of burned-out hardcases, all of whom blatantly adore each other in the most macho fashion imaginable. Despite being a quite deliberate pastiche, or indeed epitome, of every action movie ever, The Expendables isn't shallow. It might look that way to an unsympathetic observer, but I call not so - no more than something like Sin City is. The cast are outrageous cliches, but at the same time they're utterly real, and I love that.
Other things I love include the dialogue ("How many men have you got?" "Only your mother!"), the fight scenes oh my GODS the fight scenes (even discounting the potential of a "drink every time you see a move straight out of a WWE ring" game - did Steve Austin help with the choreography there? - it's just SO lovely to see a modern movie that knows how to use middle-distance shots in a fight instead of just showing you a blur of closeups, and the action is gloriously brutal), and the sheer weight and grittiness of the cinematography throughout. I have a real hate-on for modern CGI with its glossy lack of realism, and The Expendables almost completely avoids that trap; everything is solid, everything is real. Cars lurch and thud precariously when they're pushed too hard in the chase scenes, punches connect hard enough to rattle the camera, glass breaks and flammables explode with gratifyingly substantial impact. The only bit of really ropey CGI I spotted was at the end when they had to blow up something that was obviously too expensive to destroy for real, and, y'know, that's a fair cop, can't be helped. I also love the fact that I have never seen anyone apply the Law of Conservation of Ninjutsu to more hilarious effect than Jet Li does here as Yin Yang (yes, really), a man who's neurotic about his short stature and therefore appears to consist entirely of CONCENTRATED NINJA. The fight scene where he's facing former teammate Gunner under a low ceiling is sheer fucking genius. ("I would've win!")
And then there's the little things. Like the ultimate "wait, my slash goggles are stuck" moment after Church asks Ross and Trench "you guys aren't about to start sucking each other's dicks, are you?" and the LOOK Ross gives Trench - it's apparently even more hilarious than it looked because Church's line was ad-libbed, so OMG THANK YOU STALLONE BEST REACTION SHOT EVER and also thank you Bruce Willis for apparently having a filthy mind. <3. (Actually, Arnie's appearance as Trench, despite only being a cameo, is a massive high point of the film - he and Stallone bounce off each other perfectly, exactly like two such alpha males should do in such tight confines, and Arnie's exit from the scene had us all screaming with laughter for reasons I won't spoiler.) Or like the knife-throwing contests between Christmas (yes, apparently Jason Statham's character is called Lee Christmas, the names in this film are wonderfully surreal on occasion) and Tool, played by Mickey Rourke. I love knives, and those guys handle them with such cool dexterity and confidence that it's downright beautiful to watch - and when the credits roll, it's on a throw from Christmas that actually prompted me to break into spontaneous applause.
Or like the moment when Ross is saying farewell to Sandra, the aforementioned general's daughter, at the end of the movie, which damn near broke my heart; you see him hug her, then he very fractionally dips his head as though he's thinking of kissing her. And then he pulls away, so clearly realising on some level that he's not that kind of hero and this isn't that kind of story, and it's such a tiny detail but it says so much about both his character and the whole point of the film itself. It really is, as in all the best stories, the little things that make it.
So yeah. I could say a ton more, but I'd rather just tell you all to go and watch the damn thing already. 4.5/5 and what are you waiting for?
Laters,
Rath