(no subject)
I feel incredibly out of control right now.
and it will probably pass in a short matter of time.
but for this bit of today that I feel like this, I am incredibly sad.
I mean I guess it's good that I can feel this way in contrast to my normal life.
I still don't like it. I can only handle being so grateful right now.
as I am trying to grow up I am realizing how ridiculous a lot of people are. A lot of people that you care about.
I still care about them and I think that almost everyone, no matter how ridiculous, deserves to be cared for.
but that doesn't mean I can't hate it. a lot.
Sometimes I just want to grab someone and scream "GROW THE FUCK UP! YOU AREN'T KIDDING ANYONE THAT ACTUALLY MATTERS! BE HONEST BE REAL BE ANYTHING BE HUMAN!"
But I don't. And I can't. oh well.
sometimes I want to grab someone and cry. and tell them I love them. I think that should work better than yelling.
but who knows anymore.
I know that I am tired of feeling bad about things that don't exist.
tired of carrying around empty baggage.
holding on to feelings that aren't valued.
tired of being honest and getting nothing in return.
honestly I would rather be told off than ignored.
you know? If I bothered to make an effort to talk to you, I obviously care. I want to know what is going on.
and if thats bad, fine. let it be bad. things need to be what they are. things need to take their course.
and I am okay with that. but I'd like to know where they're headed.
I am tired of doing all I can to be a good person and still being made out to be the one who did something wrong.
and it will probably pass in a short matter of time.
but for this bit of today that I feel like this, I am incredibly sad.
I mean I guess it's good that I can feel this way in contrast to my normal life.
I still don't like it. I can only handle being so grateful right now.
as I am trying to grow up I am realizing how ridiculous a lot of people are. A lot of people that you care about.
I still care about them and I think that almost everyone, no matter how ridiculous, deserves to be cared for.
but that doesn't mean I can't hate it. a lot.
Sometimes I just want to grab someone and scream "GROW THE FUCK UP! YOU AREN'T KIDDING ANYONE THAT ACTUALLY MATTERS! BE HONEST BE REAL BE ANYTHING BE HUMAN!"
But I don't. And I can't. oh well.
sometimes I want to grab someone and cry. and tell them I love them. I think that should work better than yelling.
but who knows anymore.
I know that I am tired of feeling bad about things that don't exist.
tired of carrying around empty baggage.
holding on to feelings that aren't valued.
tired of being honest and getting nothing in return.
honestly I would rather be told off than ignored.
you know? If I bothered to make an effort to talk to you, I obviously care. I want to know what is going on.
and if thats bad, fine. let it be bad. things need to be what they are. things need to take their course.
and I am okay with that. but I'd like to know where they're headed.
I am tired of doing all I can to be a good person and still being made out to be the one who did something wrong.