Change of Season (4/?) R

[multi_pass9]

Disclaimer: Joss owns all.

Raiting: R

Pairing: Joyce/Faith

A/N: This is a Alternate Universe fiction every ones human. Joyce and Faith in a sexual situation. I know it's not fuffy give it a chance anyway you might like it.

Feedback: Yes

Change of Season, Part 4

Comments

[kgola]

there was one point where you switched from being in third person to being in first person, Joyce. That's very confusing, but it's easy to change. Actually, as I skim through it more, I'm noticing there are a bunch of times when you switch pov - it's very important to remain consistent for at least an entire scene, or the reader will find it jarring, annoying and aggravating.

[kgola]

you know I love this story, but this whole entry seems extremely rushed. There are mistakes and errors and such right and left. The most aggravating is the switching POVs. Also, while present tense isn't technically wrong (if done consistently), past tense is better for story telling.

actually, the POV switches a lot - there were a couple points where it went from being in Joyce's head, to 3rd person following joyce, to in faith's head, to third person following faith. That needs to be fixed.

The other thing was that the first part didn't seem to flow as well as your stuff normally does, but you did regain the style about mid-way through.

I'm sorry I'm not being more specific, but I'm burnt out from work and pretty tired.