Frustrating Anxeity
I have come to the vale of the day and found myslef in a sudden moment of frustration and anxiety. I cant think of anything else to do but right so i guess its convenient i made this today
As i sit at my computer doing nother waiting for something
a sign,
a person
contact from anywhere,
anything is fine,
i see the all important name go black from gray and i say dont go away, come, dont turn back gray but as i think i slowly see that the inevitable is once again going to happen. Time passes in a passage slower than ormal like im stuck in time eternally at one point. Then it happens, i check up on it again. It is not how i hoped, not the absense of yellow but the pressance of gray. it tears into me, i seem alone and tired, frustrated with the day, not angry in any way just powerless. I know now that i am more lonely than i have thought of, as i come back into a social reality i find myself on the edge. In the reality but not reached out twords. Even though i know that all will see i am not afraid. if this is only a burst of emotion consectrated into a small time i will be happy. It may just be the tention constantly hovering over my home in a thick fog. Either way i dont know what to do, power less. All i can to is type and even typing receeds in my mind as i come to points were i am lost to words. Even frequent checks reveal still gray, and i believe it will remain that way for a long time. I have read about them wanting to be reached out for and i share the feeling. i now realize how it feels to be alone. I can only look forward to tomarow were i will once again be emersed in the social environment i thrive on. I am beging to fear my home and even technology. were you can comunicate for a time and be separated. like a drug or an ediction, it robs you of a piece of you when not in use. i begin to think of what it would be lik without it but i remember that without the things in our lives, orur memories, joyfull or sad, there is nothing, and i begin to apreciate that i have something even if it is frustration. Although i have hard times they make the good ones that much better. Like a man in icolation for so long, i will come out into the world and apricate the changes that have taken place while i was gone. Now i consentrate on the fact that i was not a part of those events but i should be happy there events to hear about. i can only hope that there is someone else out there feeling this way to whom i can talk to. if not i will be fine, there is always tomarrow. Tomarrow i feel will be great, it is the end of the weeek and i have something even bigger to look forward to. I now realize and aprieate that tommarow i have a chance to spend time once again with the person who means the most to me. the person that i spend all day waiting untill the end. I will keep the identity of this person secret becauseeven though this may be a live journal it is not a completely open book into my soul (although it may seem like it after this). i leave you after my horibly extensive writing that i will most likely reget writing after it is save with a finall thought.
Think not of how horible things are now, think of how much of an apriciation you will have for other things when it is done.
As i sit at my computer doing nother waiting for something
a sign,
a person
contact from anywhere,
anything is fine,
i see the all important name go black from gray and i say dont go away, come, dont turn back gray but as i think i slowly see that the inevitable is once again going to happen. Time passes in a passage slower than ormal like im stuck in time eternally at one point. Then it happens, i check up on it again. It is not how i hoped, not the absense of yellow but the pressance of gray. it tears into me, i seem alone and tired, frustrated with the day, not angry in any way just powerless. I know now that i am more lonely than i have thought of, as i come back into a social reality i find myself on the edge. In the reality but not reached out twords. Even though i know that all will see i am not afraid. if this is only a burst of emotion consectrated into a small time i will be happy. It may just be the tention constantly hovering over my home in a thick fog. Either way i dont know what to do, power less. All i can to is type and even typing receeds in my mind as i come to points were i am lost to words. Even frequent checks reveal still gray, and i believe it will remain that way for a long time. I have read about them wanting to be reached out for and i share the feeling. i now realize how it feels to be alone. I can only look forward to tomarow were i will once again be emersed in the social environment i thrive on. I am beging to fear my home and even technology. were you can comunicate for a time and be separated. like a drug or an ediction, it robs you of a piece of you when not in use. i begin to think of what it would be lik without it but i remember that without the things in our lives, orur memories, joyfull or sad, there is nothing, and i begin to apreciate that i have something even if it is frustration. Although i have hard times they make the good ones that much better. Like a man in icolation for so long, i will come out into the world and apricate the changes that have taken place while i was gone. Now i consentrate on the fact that i was not a part of those events but i should be happy there events to hear about. i can only hope that there is someone else out there feeling this way to whom i can talk to. if not i will be fine, there is always tomarrow. Tomarrow i feel will be great, it is the end of the weeek and i have something even bigger to look forward to. I now realize and aprieate that tommarow i have a chance to spend time once again with the person who means the most to me. the person that i spend all day waiting untill the end. I will keep the identity of this person secret becauseeven though this may be a live journal it is not a completely open book into my soul (although it may seem like it after this). i leave you after my horibly extensive writing that i will most likely reget writing after it is save with a finall thought.
Think not of how horible things are now, think of how much of an apriciation you will have for other things when it is done.