" Now that you’ve seen your true reflections, what on earth are you gonna do "
sometimes i wonder about myself. at one point in time i thought for a while that i needed anger management lol. but i got over that when i was busting a left into the Target parking lot and almost got t-boned by this fucking dyke on her cell phone. at first i was just thinking 'what the FUCK are you doing' but then i started laughing, seeing the humor of almost getting hit. i dont see how there is any humor in it, but at the time i guess it was better than getting out of the car and punching her in the head.
i actually catch myself doing it. like i just get mad for no reason at all, or unjustifiably jealous. its weird because i know he wouldnt cheat on me and yet i want to know every single detail about why he didnt tell me he went out to applebees with co-workers - or - what he and his friends did at harborfest ... even when i dont say it, thats all i think about until i make myself feel stupid or guilty because he should be able to do whatever he wants, short of anything romantic with anyone else. but i tell him everything. so i think that in return he should tell me everything. maybe i'm just asking way too much from him.
ha - someone once told me that i depend on people too much... that i like to be dependant on them and at times i'm asking them to "be a better person" than me & when they werent then they were "a disappointment". i've also heard that i criticize people a lot. actually i've heard that from several people. i dont do it on purpose. it just happens. so then i think to myself: should i just accept who i am and live with it, or do i try to change? its not easy to break a bad habit. but i do believe all people can change. it really does come down to who i want people to see. different groups of people see different sides of me. my family sees this prissy little girl who hates spiders and wont touch dirty laundry. my coworkers see a criticizing bitch who gets pissed off easily, my friends see this laidback, lesbian-tendancy chick who loves to get drunk while my boyfriend use to see the same, but lately has seen the neurotic freak who spazes out quite a bit over nothing at all.
its funny because my perception of me is nothing like that. when i'm alone, which is usually a good indicator of who you really are, i am quite tranquil. i think alot about important things...meaning of life, my life, my plans in this life, my thoughts... never selfish, never criticizing, never stubborn, never demanding. i'm polite, i mesh well with others, i act on instinct, think fast, kind of sloppy when it comes to my room but i'm systematic. i was reading this thing that someone wrote about this guy they knew, and it said something to the effect that they envied him because 'being totally and utterly himself is just the way things are'- i really liked that. hmmm. the more i think about it, the more i think i should stop thinking about it. so i guess thats my answer.
i actually catch myself doing it. like i just get mad for no reason at all, or unjustifiably jealous. its weird because i know he wouldnt cheat on me and yet i want to know every single detail about why he didnt tell me he went out to applebees with co-workers - or - what he and his friends did at harborfest ... even when i dont say it, thats all i think about until i make myself feel stupid or guilty because he should be able to do whatever he wants, short of anything romantic with anyone else. but i tell him everything. so i think that in return he should tell me everything. maybe i'm just asking way too much from him.
ha - someone once told me that i depend on people too much... that i like to be dependant on them and at times i'm asking them to "be a better person" than me & when they werent then they were "a disappointment". i've also heard that i criticize people a lot. actually i've heard that from several people. i dont do it on purpose. it just happens. so then i think to myself: should i just accept who i am and live with it, or do i try to change? its not easy to break a bad habit. but i do believe all people can change. it really does come down to who i want people to see. different groups of people see different sides of me. my family sees this prissy little girl who hates spiders and wont touch dirty laundry. my coworkers see a criticizing bitch who gets pissed off easily, my friends see this laidback, lesbian-tendancy chick who loves to get drunk while my boyfriend use to see the same, but lately has seen the neurotic freak who spazes out quite a bit over nothing at all.
its funny because my perception of me is nothing like that. when i'm alone, which is usually a good indicator of who you really are, i am quite tranquil. i think alot about important things...meaning of life, my life, my plans in this life, my thoughts... never selfish, never criticizing, never stubborn, never demanding. i'm polite, i mesh well with others, i act on instinct, think fast, kind of sloppy when it comes to my room but i'm systematic. i was reading this thing that someone wrote about this guy they knew, and it said something to the effect that they envied him because 'being totally and utterly himself is just the way things are'- i really liked that. hmmm. the more i think about it, the more i think i should stop thinking about it. so i guess thats my answer.