Lost Connections
I feel like writing, but I am not too sure what to write about so I will probably end up waffling on about very unimportant things like I usually do.
Caught up with an old friend at the weekend, it had been about 3 or 4 years since I last saw her even though she only lives in Bristol. We were very close in College and wrote letters/kept in contact in the years following, but as usual life pulls you apart and you just get on with things. It was nice to see her, but I am not sure if we still have the connection that we used to have, but that is probably not surprising considering the amount of time we have spent out of each others company. When you spend your time reminiscing about all the good times that have passed and not really talking about the here and now, it won't be the best sign about moving forward. Hopefully we will stay in more regular contact and fall back into our normal rhythm with each other.
I do feel like I have a lost connections with a few people, or to put it more blunt, lost a few friends. Whether or not it is true in real life, it is how I view it in my head. I probably haven't helped the situations by being the person that I am, but I don't see why I should be sorry for valuing loyalty, trust and communication as the basis of a friendship. If I don't see myself doing something, then, perhaps unfairly, I expect my friends to be the same. I am just so different to a lot of people, even people that I would have called my friends, my closest friends. I am slightly less forgiving that some people, but I need that to be part of me - it never protects me anyway, there is always a chink in the armour - mine is loyalty. I feel like I am moving into the next stage of my life, and like snakes shed skin, I am shedding friends and experiences and preparing myself for whatever lies ahead. I suppose the word shedding isn't the best one to probably use, but it is involuntary. I would never consciously make the decision, but then again I don't need too as life seems to be doing that for me. I am just worried that I will come out of the other side of this process with nothing and no one.
At the same time I am making new connections in life, and I will not change my values to desperatly cling on to something that I thought worked. After all, looking back, I am always the rock for these people, always the one to stay on the straight and narrow and just be there - what more can you ask for in a friend. If people expect more than that, then I am obviously not capable in delivering.
It is such a shame when certain things end, but I am not going to force situations. I just have to deal with the fact that I lost at this part of life, and with slightly less confidence raise my head and continue on.
People would even take these words the wrong way - but I know what I meant by them and that is all that matters.
Caught up with an old friend at the weekend, it had been about 3 or 4 years since I last saw her even though she only lives in Bristol. We were very close in College and wrote letters/kept in contact in the years following, but as usual life pulls you apart and you just get on with things. It was nice to see her, but I am not sure if we still have the connection that we used to have, but that is probably not surprising considering the amount of time we have spent out of each others company. When you spend your time reminiscing about all the good times that have passed and not really talking about the here and now, it won't be the best sign about moving forward. Hopefully we will stay in more regular contact and fall back into our normal rhythm with each other.
I do feel like I have a lost connections with a few people, or to put it more blunt, lost a few friends. Whether or not it is true in real life, it is how I view it in my head. I probably haven't helped the situations by being the person that I am, but I don't see why I should be sorry for valuing loyalty, trust and communication as the basis of a friendship. If I don't see myself doing something, then, perhaps unfairly, I expect my friends to be the same. I am just so different to a lot of people, even people that I would have called my friends, my closest friends. I am slightly less forgiving that some people, but I need that to be part of me - it never protects me anyway, there is always a chink in the armour - mine is loyalty. I feel like I am moving into the next stage of my life, and like snakes shed skin, I am shedding friends and experiences and preparing myself for whatever lies ahead. I suppose the word shedding isn't the best one to probably use, but it is involuntary. I would never consciously make the decision, but then again I don't need too as life seems to be doing that for me. I am just worried that I will come out of the other side of this process with nothing and no one.
At the same time I am making new connections in life, and I will not change my values to desperatly cling on to something that I thought worked. After all, looking back, I am always the rock for these people, always the one to stay on the straight and narrow and just be there - what more can you ask for in a friend. If people expect more than that, then I am obviously not capable in delivering.
It is such a shame when certain things end, but I am not going to force situations. I just have to deal with the fact that I lost at this part of life, and with slightly less confidence raise my head and continue on.
People would even take these words the wrong way - but I know what I meant by them and that is all that matters.