i fail at journaling
so yea, it's been over 3 months since i posted, but today i'm on one of my internet kicks (where i go online for like 3 hours every few weeks or so) so i figured i might as well write up some shiznit. summer hasn't been very exciting yet. i got a B+ in the one class i actually stayed in all semester, i work 5 nights a week at the OG (which is eating my soul btw) and am trying, with some difficulty due to my procrastination, to get all the things i need to get done for Northwestern...which may not even happen now because Jose really wants to move near the casinos so he can deal...damn him being so fucking picky about jobs. i got a puppers on May 3rd, she's a 5 month old pit bull mix (we think she has lab in her) named Ellie who eats all of my stuff but is so cute that i don't care. she's getting fixed in a couple weeks, mucho expensive even though the pound pays for some of it. i've hung with cabby and erin a couple times in the past few weeks, and we're still lame enough to prank TK, me and steph took our beautiful pit pups to the park to frolic together last week and that was all sorts of silly and fun. emily is still in school but omg she's turning 16 soon and that terrifies me, i feel so old. mishe is still in NC which makes me sad cause i want all us chicas to have some crazy fun this summer, and i feel like we have such a short amount of time to do it all in. i haven't seen amanda yet but we talked for a while the other day and we're gonna cut a bitch named erica, lol. jose decided to psycho-analyze me about the fact that i was at first really distant with people, and avoided picking up phones and didn't try and make plans, and i think i finally figured out why. i think a big part of me is so scared that once everyone starts to hang out again, nothing with be the same. everything will end up feeling forced and awkward and just...different. i'm so emo just the thought of it makes me want to cry. i think about some of the crazy times, the hard times, the funnest times ever, and worry that all that's in the past and we're all just fucked about the future of us. in 8th grade my english teacher mrs. bianco made us do our own personal yearbooks about a whole bunch of things from middle school, i happened to find mine a few days ago and all the old memories got me so choked up. the fucking play, the pink panther spot, then i started reminicing about early high school shit, like the Peachy Keen project me mushe and steph did, spray painting my basement, skipping school, the day i got my license (which i've now had for almost 2 1/2 years) when me and mishe went to the meriden mall to buy mussy dippin dots, all the concerts, 104 fests and shit. i've been so lonely lately, i have my man, and i know he's not going anywhere, but i'm starting to feel like i've made mistakes, like i haven't tried hard enough to keep everyone together...i feel sometimes, like he's all i have. and i know i need more than that, i need all my best friends back...i want to make more silly random memories...i just hope we still know how.