time flies?
it just really hit me that it's almost been 3 fuckin months since i've been home, 86 days to be exact. god...that's such a long time. i'm so scared that when i go home in a 12 days nothing will be the same. i'm scared that when i go hang out with my friends there'll be awkward silences and that it'll be uncomfortable because we don't all know eachother as well anymore. i'm scared that i won't have enough time. i'm going home for 9 days for thanksgiving, and 6 days for xmas. i know that there's no way i'll be able to do all that i want to in such short periods of time. i regret so much that i pretty much wasted my summer. especially now that it's really sunk in that i'll never really live in waterbury again. i have such a hard time making REAL friends here. i'm totally good with casual friendships...but trying to connect to someone just feels impossible. part of it is my own fault...i just don't want to feel like i'm replacing my old life, and part of it is that i had the same friends for like 6 or 7 years...it just feels like trying to make connections with new people would be way too much fucking work. i'm missing out on stuff back home, i'm missing out on the people i care about's lives. i've missed birthdays and halloween, which i always loved so much, i'm missing out on being there for Em while she angsts her way through her sophmore year. i hope that years from now i look back on this period of my life and am greatful for it. greatful for experiencing a life unlike one i could ever get back in CT. i don't want to regret any of this. i'm not really liking this whole "adult" thing. i used to think that i was wise beyond my years. but now that i'm doing things that are beyond my years...i'm not so sure anymore. god i hope that thanksgiving break will be something good...and not something that leaves me feeling empty and abondoned...god i'm emo...