goodbye beautiful dreams, hello harsh reality
there are words i want to say because i think maybe if i say them they will go away.
then i dont want to say them because what if i say them and they make things MORE awkward? because once i say them, there is no taking them back. and if i say them, i have a feeling they will torture you because no matter what, things aren't going to change.
probably ever.
your last post said "i dont think that we are over, just give it time, and it will be sooner or later...i feel it, i see it, i hear it, i taste it......just cant touch it."
i feel like that's just not good enough for me anymore. i mean for me, if i had that feeling about someone, i wouldn't stay in a relationship with someone else. you haven't said anything like that to me lately other than telling me you miss me sometimes and think about me sometimes... but it's like i've been waiting for you. even when we don't talk, you pass through my mind usually atleast once a day. i guess it's just karma. and i really know how you felt all those years ago. it makes me happy to know that you still think of me and miss me, but it's a bittersweet feeling. because even though you miss me, you aren't going anywhere. i asked you the other night if you were happy, you said sometimes.. i asked if you were happy then and you said yes. i assume that was because you were talking to me. i asked why you stay if you are unhappy and she is a bitch, you said because you love her. well.. there is my answer.
you love her and even if you do fall out of love, you still won't go anywhere because it's just easier for you this way.
it's not enough for me to wait for something that i logically know won't come. it's not enough that you miss me sometimes. it's not enough that you think about me every now and then... not when i think about and miss you all the time.
i sometimes dream about what it would be like for you to live here, to be with me.
but it's time to wake up. time to get over it. time to give up on you because you gave up on me.
"I never really wanted you to see
The screwed up side of me that I keep
Locked inside of me so deep
It always seems to get to me
I never really wanted you to go
So many things you should have known
I guess for me theres just no hope
I never meant to be so cold"
"I won't talk
I won't breathe
I won't move till you finally see
That you belong with me...
I've waited all my life to cross this line
To the only thing thats true
So I will not hide
It's time to try anything to be with you
All my life I've waited
This is true"
"But you always find a way to keep me right here waiting
You always find the words to say to keep me right here waiting
And if you chose to walk away I'd still be right here waiting
Searching for the things to say to keep you right here waiting
I've made a commitment
I'm willing to bleed for you
I needed fulfillment
I found what I need in you
Why can't you just forgive me
I don't want to relive all the mistakes I've made along the way
But I always find a way to keep you right here waiting
I always find the words to say to keep you right here waiting"
"look at me
my depth perception must me off again
cos this hurts deeper than i thought it did
it has not healed with time
it just shot down me spine
you look so beautiful tonight
reminds me how you laid us down
and gently smiled
before you destroyed my life
would you find it in your heart
to make this go away and let me rest in pieces?
would you find it in your heart
to make this go away and let me rest in pieces?
look at me
my depth perception must be off again
you got much closer than i thought you did
i'm in your reach
you held me in your hand"
"If only you could watch me fall
I cannot feel it anymore
The soul you cut, the soul you adored
Cannot feel you anymore
Cause you've run through me like a fucked up force
I think somehow I gotta get it straight
I gotta get you out of me
But I cannot get through you
See me I'm down and I get deeper with every breath
See me I'm over the edge, farther with every step
See me I'm down and I get deeper with every breath
Standing over the edge - I'm taking my last breath"
so back to my dilema... i'm hoping that next time i hear your voice, i just know the right thing to do.. whatever i feel in my heart is right at that time, that's what i'll do.
then i dont want to say them because what if i say them and they make things MORE awkward? because once i say them, there is no taking them back. and if i say them, i have a feeling they will torture you because no matter what, things aren't going to change.
probably ever.
your last post said "i dont think that we are over, just give it time, and it will be sooner or later...i feel it, i see it, i hear it, i taste it......just cant touch it."
i feel like that's just not good enough for me anymore. i mean for me, if i had that feeling about someone, i wouldn't stay in a relationship with someone else. you haven't said anything like that to me lately other than telling me you miss me sometimes and think about me sometimes... but it's like i've been waiting for you. even when we don't talk, you pass through my mind usually atleast once a day. i guess it's just karma. and i really know how you felt all those years ago. it makes me happy to know that you still think of me and miss me, but it's a bittersweet feeling. because even though you miss me, you aren't going anywhere. i asked you the other night if you were happy, you said sometimes.. i asked if you were happy then and you said yes. i assume that was because you were talking to me. i asked why you stay if you are unhappy and she is a bitch, you said because you love her. well.. there is my answer.
you love her and even if you do fall out of love, you still won't go anywhere because it's just easier for you this way.
it's not enough for me to wait for something that i logically know won't come. it's not enough that you miss me sometimes. it's not enough that you think about me every now and then... not when i think about and miss you all the time.
i sometimes dream about what it would be like for you to live here, to be with me.
but it's time to wake up. time to get over it. time to give up on you because you gave up on me.
"I never really wanted you to see
The screwed up side of me that I keep
Locked inside of me so deep
It always seems to get to me
I never really wanted you to go
So many things you should have known
I guess for me theres just no hope
I never meant to be so cold"
"I won't talk
I won't breathe
I won't move till you finally see
That you belong with me...
I've waited all my life to cross this line
To the only thing thats true
So I will not hide
It's time to try anything to be with you
All my life I've waited
This is true"
"But you always find a way to keep me right here waiting
You always find the words to say to keep me right here waiting
And if you chose to walk away I'd still be right here waiting
Searching for the things to say to keep you right here waiting
I've made a commitment
I'm willing to bleed for you
I needed fulfillment
I found what I need in you
Why can't you just forgive me
I don't want to relive all the mistakes I've made along the way
But I always find a way to keep you right here waiting
I always find the words to say to keep you right here waiting"
"look at me
my depth perception must me off again
cos this hurts deeper than i thought it did
it has not healed with time
it just shot down me spine
you look so beautiful tonight
reminds me how you laid us down
and gently smiled
before you destroyed my life
would you find it in your heart
to make this go away and let me rest in pieces?
would you find it in your heart
to make this go away and let me rest in pieces?
look at me
my depth perception must be off again
you got much closer than i thought you did
i'm in your reach
you held me in your hand"
"If only you could watch me fall
I cannot feel it anymore
The soul you cut, the soul you adored
Cannot feel you anymore
Cause you've run through me like a fucked up force
I think somehow I gotta get it straight
I gotta get you out of me
But I cannot get through you
See me I'm down and I get deeper with every breath
See me I'm over the edge, farther with every step
See me I'm down and I get deeper with every breath
Standing over the edge - I'm taking my last breath"
so back to my dilema... i'm hoping that next time i hear your voice, i just know the right thing to do.. whatever i feel in my heart is right at that time, that's what i'll do.