man...this is really hard...this "life" thing, i mean
i hate how the only time i update these things are when i'm upset.
but...that's how it is. so, oh well.
i don't even know what to say. i don't know why the crap i'm writing any of this....i really don't want anyone to give me a pitty party, i don't really want anyone to even care...but i guess it helps to have someone atleast know.
i feel like i have no idea who i am....i constantly second-guess myself in almost everything i do. my beliefs have firm foundations, and usually i'm okay in that area...but now i feel like it's all crumbled to the ground. and i refuse to go to God right now, i can't. i've walked up to my Bible a hundred times today...and put it back down and walked away to find something else to do.
Emotions own me.
I was fine all day. i got lots of sleep. i made myself lunch...(something of which is rare, and i was quite proud of). i was watching the FSU game, we won...chris rix came out early...it was all things to make-up a good day...then i took an hour-long shower because someone made me cry, so it's been going down from there. now it's 8:32 at night, and all i want to do is go party like i used to. i think it would be best not to write exactly what i have in mind.
i'm weaker than i've been a long, long time. if you have nothing to do during the hurricane, feel free to pray for me.
i feel ugly, untalented, unknown, unloved, vulnerable, & desperate for a fix of the only thing that unfailingly trips me up.
i just want someone to have my back all the time...i want devotion, someone that will drop everything to love me with passion.
i guess that's just in disney movies you watch when you're 6.
this is a rare moment where i could use a boyfriend. but then again, even if i had one, he'd probably have something else to do and decide to talk to me later because i was not that big of a priority to him (contrary to popular statements of his).
i'm not bitter.
i wish i could sing like Rachel Lampa.
I find myself constantly trying to be good enough for everyone.
*note: i can't.
people are dying and going to hell...and i'm drinking a coffee, writing in my live journal, and ignoring my best friend.
things like that make me hate myself.
i could quite possibly be the most selfish, vain person in the world.
it's hard to be a light to others when you're tripping in the dark.
*hope you have a good life. i'm finally letting go. i'm sure you already have....
everyone do me a favor...go out in the rain and make-out with an invisible person. tape it and send it to me. haha....that was for you derek. ;-) haha...i will laugh forever about that. forever.
being a sophomore is ridiculousy bland. give me my wings!!!! i'm sick of being stuck on the ground.
but...that's how it is. so, oh well.
i don't even know what to say. i don't know why the crap i'm writing any of this....i really don't want anyone to give me a pitty party, i don't really want anyone to even care...but i guess it helps to have someone atleast know.
i feel like i have no idea who i am....i constantly second-guess myself in almost everything i do. my beliefs have firm foundations, and usually i'm okay in that area...but now i feel like it's all crumbled to the ground. and i refuse to go to God right now, i can't. i've walked up to my Bible a hundred times today...and put it back down and walked away to find something else to do.
Emotions own me.
I was fine all day. i got lots of sleep. i made myself lunch...(something of which is rare, and i was quite proud of). i was watching the FSU game, we won...chris rix came out early...it was all things to make-up a good day...then i took an hour-long shower because someone made me cry, so it's been going down from there. now it's 8:32 at night, and all i want to do is go party like i used to. i think it would be best not to write exactly what i have in mind.
i'm weaker than i've been a long, long time. if you have nothing to do during the hurricane, feel free to pray for me.
i feel ugly, untalented, unknown, unloved, vulnerable, & desperate for a fix of the only thing that unfailingly trips me up.
i just want someone to have my back all the time...i want devotion, someone that will drop everything to love me with passion.
i guess that's just in disney movies you watch when you're 6.
this is a rare moment where i could use a boyfriend. but then again, even if i had one, he'd probably have something else to do and decide to talk to me later because i was not that big of a priority to him (contrary to popular statements of his).
i'm not bitter.
i wish i could sing like Rachel Lampa.
I find myself constantly trying to be good enough for everyone.
*note: i can't.
people are dying and going to hell...and i'm drinking a coffee, writing in my live journal, and ignoring my best friend.
things like that make me hate myself.
i could quite possibly be the most selfish, vain person in the world.
it's hard to be a light to others when you're tripping in the dark.
*hope you have a good life. i'm finally letting go. i'm sure you already have....
everyone do me a favor...go out in the rain and make-out with an invisible person. tape it and send it to me. haha....that was for you derek. ;-) haha...i will laugh forever about that. forever.
being a sophomore is ridiculousy bland. give me my wings!!!! i'm sick of being stuck on the ground.