Trust
Xiumin/Lu Han 3.6k R
Summary: No one believes Lu Han about the shadows on the walls, or the creatures inside the mirror, but Minseok does.
Warnings: horror, supernatural elements,[Spoiler]character death
a/n: boo originally posted in theluminations
The shadows are back again. Crawling through red lights, bleeding from the television and seeping from the walls. They’ve come during daylight this time, ready to leap from the boring white walls and onto Lu Han to steal his breath and twist his dreams.
Lu Han hates the shadows. They like to appear in the early morning calm, in the moments right before the dawn, consuming what’s left of dreams, making hazy 6am blue into sharp red. Not the red of love, or the deep colour of passion, but the kind of red that drips from the mirror and whispers to Lu Han, caressing him in a disgustingly loving way, speaking into his ear.
The shadows are quiet today, bringing along with them a sense of calm that only makes Lu Han shake harder, gasping for air as he squeezes his eyes closed, gripping his coffee cup tight enough that it may break any second.
The quiet doesn’t last long, never lasts long, and soon the room is shaking with Lu Han. He can hear the noises clearly, see the overwhelming red that ignores the walls of his eyelids, illuminating his brain and painting the outside city charcoal, turning the people into dancing devils. With faces grotesque, dragging chains behind them that emit thunder claps of sound.
The shadows do go away eventually. They never stay long, only dancing into put him through hell and be on their way. An hour to Lu Han, but mere minutes in reality.
Even midday seems threatening once the static clears, and time resumes. Lu han regrets being alone, trembling as he sinks to the floor, knees to his chest, sobbing as he dials a familiar number, voice begging and hysterical through the phone. He stays there on the floor, staring straight ahead watching the mirror. Not for his own reflection, but for theirs. The things that come from the shadows and live in the mirror, standing behind him, watching him.
Lu Han is scared of them the most. The wraith creatures, with their wisps of hair and deep bloodshot eyes, that breathe down his neck and curl frail looking claws around his shoulders and wrists. Invisible outside the mirror, but always there, to watch, commanding the shadows.
Lu Han jolts in fear when hears a lock turning, when he hears the door creak open, but the fear subsides as a feeling of calm washes throughout the barren apartment.
The shadows stay away when he’s home, hiding behind bookcases, turning their faces to the walls, running into their mirror world. Lu Han feels safe only when he’s home, and he sobs harder with guilt and embarrassment when a figure kneels on the floor in front of him.
A hand reaches out to him, gently wipes a tear from his cheek with a thumb, and Lu Han wastes no time, flinging himself into welcoming arms, burying his face into a familiar chest, struggling to calm his breathing, to stop the heaving sobs wracking his body.
Lu Han refuses to open his eyes, fear still there, a scream still sitting on the edge of his throat, and he lets himself be led through the apartment, past the mirror that he knows is there, where he know's they're watching, hiding, waiting. Past the lone picture frame on the wall- the one that had caused a fight in the process of being put up - where he knows the shadows are hiding underneath, waiting to reach out their tendril arms and grab hold.
Lu Han doesn’t open his eyes even when he feels himself being gently lowered onto a bed, familiar and warm, close to the ground, and he doesn’t open his eyes when protective arms wind around his waist and a quiet voice whispers in his ear.
“Lu Han. It’s okay. Everything’s okay, I’m here now.”
When Lu Han finally opens his eyes he doesn’t see shadows, or monsters in the mirrors, and he’s no longer afraid because Minseok is in front of him, and Minseok is wonderful. Minseok looks concerned, running a hand soothingly up and down his back, smiling gently, but he also looks weary, hesitant, and all Lu Han feels is guilt.
Minseok can’t keep missing work days to come peel him off the floor of the apartment, and Lu Han feels tears form in his eyes again as he clings to Minseok’s now wrinkled work shirt, refusing to look him in the eye.
“I’m sorry, I’m so sorry, I know i said it wouldn’t happen again but I was so scared and they were everywhere this time, the whole city-”
Lu Han’s rambling is cut off by soft lips, gentle in their approach and reassuring, just a chaste kiss, nothing more, but it’s enough to calm Lu Han down, to make him smile just a bit. Minseok stays with him a bit, hand still gently rubbing his back, faces close together, but he eventually untangles them, climbing off the bed and moving to the dresser.
“Don’t panic.” He says before Lu Han can get the words out that he knows are coming. “I’m not leaving I’m just changing into something comfortable.”
The breath Lu Han is holding is let out with an audible swoosh and he shakily sits up, drawing his knees to his chest, and leans against the headboard to watch Minseok. Watching his boyfriend calms him down in a way, finding comfort in the familiarity in which Minseok strips himself of clothes, not in a sexual way but in a way that Lu Han knows who Minseok is, knows his body well, and doesn’t see even a bit of shadow on him.
Minseok is safety and love, and he returns to the bed, pulling Lu Han under the covers with him for a much needed nap. Lu Han is grateful, curling into him and sighing into the warmth. He's worn out from his fear, from his crying, and he mutters another soft apology into Minseok’s chest before fading out of consciousness.
Lu Han wakes up feeling drained from the tears to the dark of night, but he feels safe with the feel of his boyfriends arms around him. Nothing can get to him with Minseok near, they can only watch and wait. It terrifies him even more to know that Minseok will leave again and they'll come, staining his vision and crawling up his sides with long clawed fingers.
Lu Han turns in Minseok’s arms and buries himself in Minseok’s chest, wrapping his arms around his boyfriend’s waist and sighing. Nothing smells better than Minseok, and Lu han smiles despite still being anxious. There were no nightmares during this sleep but Lu Han knows they’ll come tonight, heavy and overwhelming, bleeding through his senses until he wakes screaming into the pillow.
Minseok wakes up slowly, stretching his arms before circling them back around Lu Han, pulling him closer to his chest and sighing into his hair. Lu Han is content to just stay like this, safe and warm in Minseok's arms with the blankets wrapped around them and the lights off, but Minseok pulls back from him, surveying him in the dim lighting.
"Lu Han, we need to take you to a doctor about your episodes." Minseok is quiet, voice measured, careful, and Lu Han stiffens, gripping Minseok's waist tightly as if he's going to leave him any second.
"They're not in my head, Minseok. I'm not crazy." Lu Han mutters, but weakly and without fight. They've had this conversation multiple times, and it always ends the same. Minseok thinks he's been having hallucinations, that he may need medication, but Lu Han knows that what's happening to him is real, knows that he isn't suffering from a mental disorder.
Minseok means well, he really does. Lu Han knows that Minseok just wants him to be happy and healthy, to end the stress between them, but Lu Han can't make the shadow creatures go away.
"I never said you were crazy Lu, I just want you to not be scared any more." Minseok sounds exasperated, and Lu Han reaches out and takes his hand, stopping him from running it through his hair. "I want to be by your side constantly, I want to help you and make you feel better but I can't keep missing work or we'll be on the streets."
"I'm sorry." Lu Han says quietly, kissing the tips of Minseok's fingers gently, fighting back the anxiety attack he knows is coming and sits up. "I'm sorry. I'm trying. I won't call you at work next time."
Minseok sighs and shuffles so that he too is sitting up, and places the hand currently not in Lu Han's mouth on his hip, a simple but comforting gesture. This is a routine they have, and Lu Han is grateful that Minseok knows all the ways to calm him down, and he smiles weakly at him, training his eyes to his knees.
"I want you to call me. I want you to let me know, or else I'll fret all day at my desk." Minseok is saying, rubbing Lu Han's thighs, "I just want you to be happy Lu Han."
Lu Han gulps, still avoiding Minseok's eyes, and he's afraid to speak. He just wants to curl up and not move, just wants his life to return to normal when he was laughing and energetic, riding the waves of a new relationship and a new career.
He's not able to curl up though because Minseok is getting up and pulling clothes on, motioning for Lu Han to follow him. Lu Han wants to, he really does, but he moves backwards, wrapping himself up tight in the blanket and shakes his head, still not saying a word.
He can hear Minseok sigh before he turns around, and Lu Han flinches. He doesn’t want to be this way, doesn’t want to constantly wear Minseok out to the point that he misses work and loses sleep. It’s with that thought that Lu Han shakily rises from their bed, walking along the edge of the wall and holding the back of Minseok’s hoodie as they walk through the hall.
Lu Han doesn’t look in the mirror. He can feel them watching. The one that looks like him, eyes too wide and teeth too long, and the one that looks like his brother, dimple making a crater in it’s face.
That's what scares Lu Han the most about the things and about the shadows. They're familiar in a way that he doesn't want to remember, they're him and the people around him, and they're always watching, always waiting, like some dark past ready to swallow him back up.
The only person the shadows never look like is Minseok. In and out of the mirror, Minseok is just his Minseok, always the same sharp eyed, but soft man, and Lu Han clings to him. Not because of this, but because Minseok was there before it all started, was there during it all, and hasn't left.
Yixing left, too anxiety ridden himself to deal with Lu Han. Others, less important others had left too. None of them strong enough, none of them patient enough to have someone like him in their lives. The word crazy was never used, at least not to his face, but Lu Han knows that's what everyone thinks. They want him hospitalized, on drugs, trapped in a small room with no one.
Lu Han can't have that. Lu Han is not crazy, Lu Han is perfectly fine. The world around him is collapsing and the things get closer to having him everyday, but Lu Han is not crazy.
The kitchen seems colder than earlier as Lu Han carefully steps on each tile, shivering with each step as his bare feet come in contact with the chilled material. He's careful not to step on any cracks, afraid they'll bleed red and seep over his toes like acid.
He sees his abandoned coffee cup in Minseok's hands, hears the sounds of metal scraping and the whispers coming from the once good tasting liquid. Lu Han will never be able to drink coffee again, not after today. Now that he's rational he can think about today, and he knows it was the worst one yet.
Lu Han thinks about whether or not his time is coming, about whether or not the shadows have consumed enough of him to take him whole, to slink from the mirror world and cradle him in their arms, speaking silent screams of after into his ears.
Lu Han sits at the kitchen table and watches Minseok cut vegetables and start the oven. It’s calming in a way to know that even in his messed up world, with it’s monsters and fear, there are still things as simple as watching his boyfriend cook dinner. He leans his head on his arms, worn out from crying and sleeping, eyes fluttering shut even while he tries to keep them open to enjoy his view.
If someone were to ask Lu Han what the best thing that ever happened to him was, he would not hesitate to answer with Minseok’s name. Minseok is Lu Han’s constant.
They’d met two years ago at a friendly soccer match, the final for a casual league that consisted mostly of bored college students that couldn’t make their team and young office workers looking to blow off steam.
Lu Han had been drawn to Minseok with his gummy smiles and copper hair, and Minseok had been drawn to Lu Han's friendliness and sparkling eyes. They'd hit it off right away, meeting up on their own to play and spending hours at Lu Han's apartment helping each other study for finals. The perfect relationship by Lu Han's standards, escalated to the next level easily, minseok cupping his cheek gently and kissing him over a stack of papers.
Minseok is still here, hasn't abandoned him or tossed him off to the side, hasn't called him crazy. Minseok understands that this isn't in his head, though sometimes he tries, whispers to Lu Han that it's hard, he just wants him to be okay.
Lu Han wants to be okay, he does, but it's difficult to think of the positives, to try, when even his dinner seems to scream, crawling off the plate and up his forearms.
He goes to sleep that night calm though, wrapped up in Minseok and loved, so loved, eyes closing to ignore the shadows he can't talk about. There are things, so many secrets he doesn't tell Minseok, things in that slide down the walls, things that look like his past.
Things that would have Minseok sending him to a hospital right away, not just wraiths from the mirror, shadows and shaking walls.
Tonight he's safe, trusting, breathing deeply and slowly, sighing into the gentle kiss Minseok presses to his lips before snaking arms around his waist to tug him closer.
He's blissfully unaware, agreeing silently when Minseok wakes him up early in the morning, before the red of dawn, before the episodes come and the shrieking in his head begins.
"We're going to try something." Minseok whispers, kissing his head and drawing gentle fingers through his hair. "See if you can face these creatures, prove that you're better than them."
"I can't."
"But you can." Minseok whispers, fingers soft as he trails them comfortingly down Lu Han's arms, pulling him towards the hallway. "You can't win when you're scared. They can only get you when you're scared."
And Lu Han understands, believes him. It makes sense, Minseoks logic, and Lu Han is brave, so brave standing in front of the mirror. He can't look directly into it, keeps his head down.
Lu Han is terrified. He can't move his arms, can't move his legs, can't even blink. The silence is deafening know, and the only sound he can make out is the sound of his heart thumping in his chest. He draws into himself, and he can't look up, won't look up, but then Minseok is there, tilting his chin and whispering into his ear.
"It's okay, Lu Han. I just want you to look, just once." Minseok is murmuring, and Lu Han is so comforted by his voice, so in love with the one person who is safe, and he nods, a barely there gesture. "It'll help, okay baby?"
"Okay." Lu Han tries to say, but his voice cracks, and his body shakes. He can hear his breathing like a river in his ears, but Minseok is rubbing his hips, nuzzling his ear affectionately, and Lu Han is fine. He can do this. "Okay." Lu Han repeats the word, over and over, "Okay."
Minseok's voice sounds like bells, echoing off the walls of the apartment and the mirror, but it's reassuring, lovely, and Lu Han smiles at the sound of it, raising his head slightly to glance at Minseok. He looks so warm, so kind, so his and Lu Han feels confident. He can chase his demons away, he can look them dead in the eye and be strong.
Minseok squeezes his hand gently, a simple touch that says I love you. I believe in you. Minseok is here and Minseok loves him so much and Lu Han loves him too, so he finally raises his head, looks directly into the mirror.
What he sees makes his heart stop dead, and his eyes want to squeeze shut, but he can't close them, and he can't look away. The creature is there, the one that looks like him, and it's staring intently, too intently, eyes a bloody red, and Lu Han tries to turn away, tears forming in the corners of his eyes.
Minseok stops him, hand on his arm firm, holding Lu Han in place, and Lu Han trusts Minseok, trusts him with his life. He turns his head back, gritting his teeth and leaning on his boyfriend, on his soulmate for help, breathing as deeply as he can, though it comes out shallow and stilted.
He looks into the mirror again, but this time he focuses on Minseok. He focuses on how Minseok looks completely normal, flawless and incredible, and he smiles at the mirror, smiles into his future. Lu Han glances back at the thing that resembles him, and he's scared, so scared, but Minseok will always be here.
Minseok takes Lu Han's hand gingerly in his own, and tilts his head so that Lu Han faces him, looking into his eyes with such fondness and love that Lu Han can't help but feel protected.
"I still have to show you something." Minseok says, and Lu Han nods, ready to follow Minseok everywhere, to see what the world has for them past the shadows.
What he's not expecting is for Minseok to bring him close to the mirror, to put his hands up to the glass and into the glass, and Lu Han leaps back in fear, trying to wrench himself from Minseok's grasp, panting hard.
"Lu Han. You trust me right?" Minseok is patient, always patient, and Lu Han stops writhing, and he nods again, too afraid to speak. "Good. Now come."
Lu Han goes with Minseok willingly into the mirror, into the darkness and shadows and awful red that always coats the walls of the apartment. He goes with him all the way until they've reached the opposite wall of the mirror world apartment. It's darker here, and the walls seem to pulsate, dripping with liquid, and Lu Han swears he can hear the sound of piano being played, a soft light melody.
"I don't understand." Lu Han says, and his voice comes out backwards, words stumbling over each other, syllables sounding wrong. He glances at Minseok who's smiling, still gentle, still with all the love in the world. "Minseok why did you take me here how do you -"
Minseok puts a finger to his lips, effectively shushing him, and takes him over to the couch. Lu Han sits at the very edge, ready to bolt. The creatures are all here, wandering around but not watching like usual. Lu Han thinks maybe there's no need to watch when he's right here amongst them, no need to watch wait for him because he's finally arrived.
"Are you still scared?" Minseok murmurs, fingers tracing lightly over Lu Han's skin, soothing him and Lu Han nods. Yes, he's terrified. "Good."
Lu Han snaps his head up at Minseok's words, feels his throat go dry in his confusion. "What do you mean good.?" He stutters out, pushing himself away from Minseok and to the corner of the couch. "I don't understand."
"Good." Minseok repeats, moving closer to Lu Han and trailing a finger over the shell of his ear. It feels wrong now, something feels wrong, and Lu Han screams when Minseok pulls his hand back to reveal claws. The same claws that the other creatures have, the same glowing red eyes, and shadowy tendrils.
"M-Minseok?" Lu Han bursts into tears, scrambling off the couch and towards the mirror, but the mirror isn't there. The wall is empty, and the seeping red seems to taunt him as he sobs, pounding the hard surface. Minseok slides up beside him and wraps an arm around his waist, still smiling, still gentle. He turns Lu Han towards him, holds him close in a lover's embrace, reaching out a clawed hand and slicing Lu Han's neck in one swift motion.
Minseok watches, teeth gleaming as he kneels beside the dying boy, caresses his cheek. Lu Han's eyes are glassy, last breaths leaving him, and Minseok glances around his mirror world, eyes forming crescents at the way the shadows sing to him. He leans down to whisper one last thing in Lu Han's ear.
“Didn’t you always wonder why the shadows never came while I was home?”
Summary: No one believes Lu Han about the shadows on the walls, or the creatures inside the mirror, but Minseok does.
Warnings: horror, supernatural elements,[Spoiler]character death
a/n: boo originally posted in theluminations
The shadows are back again. Crawling through red lights, bleeding from the television and seeping from the walls. They’ve come during daylight this time, ready to leap from the boring white walls and onto Lu Han to steal his breath and twist his dreams.
Lu Han hates the shadows. They like to appear in the early morning calm, in the moments right before the dawn, consuming what’s left of dreams, making hazy 6am blue into sharp red. Not the red of love, or the deep colour of passion, but the kind of red that drips from the mirror and whispers to Lu Han, caressing him in a disgustingly loving way, speaking into his ear.
The shadows are quiet today, bringing along with them a sense of calm that only makes Lu Han shake harder, gasping for air as he squeezes his eyes closed, gripping his coffee cup tight enough that it may break any second.
The quiet doesn’t last long, never lasts long, and soon the room is shaking with Lu Han. He can hear the noises clearly, see the overwhelming red that ignores the walls of his eyelids, illuminating his brain and painting the outside city charcoal, turning the people into dancing devils. With faces grotesque, dragging chains behind them that emit thunder claps of sound.
The shadows do go away eventually. They never stay long, only dancing into put him through hell and be on their way. An hour to Lu Han, but mere minutes in reality.
Even midday seems threatening once the static clears, and time resumes. Lu han regrets being alone, trembling as he sinks to the floor, knees to his chest, sobbing as he dials a familiar number, voice begging and hysterical through the phone. He stays there on the floor, staring straight ahead watching the mirror. Not for his own reflection, but for theirs. The things that come from the shadows and live in the mirror, standing behind him, watching him.
Lu Han is scared of them the most. The wraith creatures, with their wisps of hair and deep bloodshot eyes, that breathe down his neck and curl frail looking claws around his shoulders and wrists. Invisible outside the mirror, but always there, to watch, commanding the shadows.
Lu Han jolts in fear when hears a lock turning, when he hears the door creak open, but the fear subsides as a feeling of calm washes throughout the barren apartment.
The shadows stay away when he’s home, hiding behind bookcases, turning their faces to the walls, running into their mirror world. Lu Han feels safe only when he’s home, and he sobs harder with guilt and embarrassment when a figure kneels on the floor in front of him.
A hand reaches out to him, gently wipes a tear from his cheek with a thumb, and Lu Han wastes no time, flinging himself into welcoming arms, burying his face into a familiar chest, struggling to calm his breathing, to stop the heaving sobs wracking his body.
Lu Han refuses to open his eyes, fear still there, a scream still sitting on the edge of his throat, and he lets himself be led through the apartment, past the mirror that he knows is there, where he know's they're watching, hiding, waiting. Past the lone picture frame on the wall- the one that had caused a fight in the process of being put up - where he knows the shadows are hiding underneath, waiting to reach out their tendril arms and grab hold.
Lu Han doesn’t open his eyes even when he feels himself being gently lowered onto a bed, familiar and warm, close to the ground, and he doesn’t open his eyes when protective arms wind around his waist and a quiet voice whispers in his ear.
“Lu Han. It’s okay. Everything’s okay, I’m here now.”
When Lu Han finally opens his eyes he doesn’t see shadows, or monsters in the mirrors, and he’s no longer afraid because Minseok is in front of him, and Minseok is wonderful. Minseok looks concerned, running a hand soothingly up and down his back, smiling gently, but he also looks weary, hesitant, and all Lu Han feels is guilt.
Minseok can’t keep missing work days to come peel him off the floor of the apartment, and Lu Han feels tears form in his eyes again as he clings to Minseok’s now wrinkled work shirt, refusing to look him in the eye.
“I’m sorry, I’m so sorry, I know i said it wouldn’t happen again but I was so scared and they were everywhere this time, the whole city-”
Lu Han’s rambling is cut off by soft lips, gentle in their approach and reassuring, just a chaste kiss, nothing more, but it’s enough to calm Lu Han down, to make him smile just a bit. Minseok stays with him a bit, hand still gently rubbing his back, faces close together, but he eventually untangles them, climbing off the bed and moving to the dresser.
“Don’t panic.” He says before Lu Han can get the words out that he knows are coming. “I’m not leaving I’m just changing into something comfortable.”
The breath Lu Han is holding is let out with an audible swoosh and he shakily sits up, drawing his knees to his chest, and leans against the headboard to watch Minseok. Watching his boyfriend calms him down in a way, finding comfort in the familiarity in which Minseok strips himself of clothes, not in a sexual way but in a way that Lu Han knows who Minseok is, knows his body well, and doesn’t see even a bit of shadow on him.
Minseok is safety and love, and he returns to the bed, pulling Lu Han under the covers with him for a much needed nap. Lu Han is grateful, curling into him and sighing into the warmth. He's worn out from his fear, from his crying, and he mutters another soft apology into Minseok’s chest before fading out of consciousness.
Lu Han wakes up feeling drained from the tears to the dark of night, but he feels safe with the feel of his boyfriends arms around him. Nothing can get to him with Minseok near, they can only watch and wait. It terrifies him even more to know that Minseok will leave again and they'll come, staining his vision and crawling up his sides with long clawed fingers.
Lu Han turns in Minseok’s arms and buries himself in Minseok’s chest, wrapping his arms around his boyfriend’s waist and sighing. Nothing smells better than Minseok, and Lu han smiles despite still being anxious. There were no nightmares during this sleep but Lu Han knows they’ll come tonight, heavy and overwhelming, bleeding through his senses until he wakes screaming into the pillow.
Minseok wakes up slowly, stretching his arms before circling them back around Lu Han, pulling him closer to his chest and sighing into his hair. Lu Han is content to just stay like this, safe and warm in Minseok's arms with the blankets wrapped around them and the lights off, but Minseok pulls back from him, surveying him in the dim lighting.
"Lu Han, we need to take you to a doctor about your episodes." Minseok is quiet, voice measured, careful, and Lu Han stiffens, gripping Minseok's waist tightly as if he's going to leave him any second.
"They're not in my head, Minseok. I'm not crazy." Lu Han mutters, but weakly and without fight. They've had this conversation multiple times, and it always ends the same. Minseok thinks he's been having hallucinations, that he may need medication, but Lu Han knows that what's happening to him is real, knows that he isn't suffering from a mental disorder.
Minseok means well, he really does. Lu Han knows that Minseok just wants him to be happy and healthy, to end the stress between them, but Lu Han can't make the shadow creatures go away.
"I never said you were crazy Lu, I just want you to not be scared any more." Minseok sounds exasperated, and Lu Han reaches out and takes his hand, stopping him from running it through his hair. "I want to be by your side constantly, I want to help you and make you feel better but I can't keep missing work or we'll be on the streets."
"I'm sorry." Lu Han says quietly, kissing the tips of Minseok's fingers gently, fighting back the anxiety attack he knows is coming and sits up. "I'm sorry. I'm trying. I won't call you at work next time."
Minseok sighs and shuffles so that he too is sitting up, and places the hand currently not in Lu Han's mouth on his hip, a simple but comforting gesture. This is a routine they have, and Lu Han is grateful that Minseok knows all the ways to calm him down, and he smiles weakly at him, training his eyes to his knees.
"I want you to call me. I want you to let me know, or else I'll fret all day at my desk." Minseok is saying, rubbing Lu Han's thighs, "I just want you to be happy Lu Han."
Lu Han gulps, still avoiding Minseok's eyes, and he's afraid to speak. He just wants to curl up and not move, just wants his life to return to normal when he was laughing and energetic, riding the waves of a new relationship and a new career.
He's not able to curl up though because Minseok is getting up and pulling clothes on, motioning for Lu Han to follow him. Lu Han wants to, he really does, but he moves backwards, wrapping himself up tight in the blanket and shakes his head, still not saying a word.
He can hear Minseok sigh before he turns around, and Lu Han flinches. He doesn’t want to be this way, doesn’t want to constantly wear Minseok out to the point that he misses work and loses sleep. It’s with that thought that Lu Han shakily rises from their bed, walking along the edge of the wall and holding the back of Minseok’s hoodie as they walk through the hall.
Lu Han doesn’t look in the mirror. He can feel them watching. The one that looks like him, eyes too wide and teeth too long, and the one that looks like his brother, dimple making a crater in it’s face.
That's what scares Lu Han the most about the things and about the shadows. They're familiar in a way that he doesn't want to remember, they're him and the people around him, and they're always watching, always waiting, like some dark past ready to swallow him back up.
The only person the shadows never look like is Minseok. In and out of the mirror, Minseok is just his Minseok, always the same sharp eyed, but soft man, and Lu Han clings to him. Not because of this, but because Minseok was there before it all started, was there during it all, and hasn't left.
Yixing left, too anxiety ridden himself to deal with Lu Han. Others, less important others had left too. None of them strong enough, none of them patient enough to have someone like him in their lives. The word crazy was never used, at least not to his face, but Lu Han knows that's what everyone thinks. They want him hospitalized, on drugs, trapped in a small room with no one.
Lu Han can't have that. Lu Han is not crazy, Lu Han is perfectly fine. The world around him is collapsing and the things get closer to having him everyday, but Lu Han is not crazy.
The kitchen seems colder than earlier as Lu Han carefully steps on each tile, shivering with each step as his bare feet come in contact with the chilled material. He's careful not to step on any cracks, afraid they'll bleed red and seep over his toes like acid.
He sees his abandoned coffee cup in Minseok's hands, hears the sounds of metal scraping and the whispers coming from the once good tasting liquid. Lu Han will never be able to drink coffee again, not after today. Now that he's rational he can think about today, and he knows it was the worst one yet.
Lu Han thinks about whether or not his time is coming, about whether or not the shadows have consumed enough of him to take him whole, to slink from the mirror world and cradle him in their arms, speaking silent screams of after into his ears.
Lu Han sits at the kitchen table and watches Minseok cut vegetables and start the oven. It’s calming in a way to know that even in his messed up world, with it’s monsters and fear, there are still things as simple as watching his boyfriend cook dinner. He leans his head on his arms, worn out from crying and sleeping, eyes fluttering shut even while he tries to keep them open to enjoy his view.
If someone were to ask Lu Han what the best thing that ever happened to him was, he would not hesitate to answer with Minseok’s name. Minseok is Lu Han’s constant.
They’d met two years ago at a friendly soccer match, the final for a casual league that consisted mostly of bored college students that couldn’t make their team and young office workers looking to blow off steam.
Lu Han had been drawn to Minseok with his gummy smiles and copper hair, and Minseok had been drawn to Lu Han's friendliness and sparkling eyes. They'd hit it off right away, meeting up on their own to play and spending hours at Lu Han's apartment helping each other study for finals. The perfect relationship by Lu Han's standards, escalated to the next level easily, minseok cupping his cheek gently and kissing him over a stack of papers.
Minseok is still here, hasn't abandoned him or tossed him off to the side, hasn't called him crazy. Minseok understands that this isn't in his head, though sometimes he tries, whispers to Lu Han that it's hard, he just wants him to be okay.
Lu Han wants to be okay, he does, but it's difficult to think of the positives, to try, when even his dinner seems to scream, crawling off the plate and up his forearms.
He goes to sleep that night calm though, wrapped up in Minseok and loved, so loved, eyes closing to ignore the shadows he can't talk about. There are things, so many secrets he doesn't tell Minseok, things in that slide down the walls, things that look like his past.
Things that would have Minseok sending him to a hospital right away, not just wraiths from the mirror, shadows and shaking walls.
Tonight he's safe, trusting, breathing deeply and slowly, sighing into the gentle kiss Minseok presses to his lips before snaking arms around his waist to tug him closer.
He's blissfully unaware, agreeing silently when Minseok wakes him up early in the morning, before the red of dawn, before the episodes come and the shrieking in his head begins.
"We're going to try something." Minseok whispers, kissing his head and drawing gentle fingers through his hair. "See if you can face these creatures, prove that you're better than them."
"I can't."
"But you can." Minseok whispers, fingers soft as he trails them comfortingly down Lu Han's arms, pulling him towards the hallway. "You can't win when you're scared. They can only get you when you're scared."
And Lu Han understands, believes him. It makes sense, Minseoks logic, and Lu Han is brave, so brave standing in front of the mirror. He can't look directly into it, keeps his head down.
Lu Han is terrified. He can't move his arms, can't move his legs, can't even blink. The silence is deafening know, and the only sound he can make out is the sound of his heart thumping in his chest. He draws into himself, and he can't look up, won't look up, but then Minseok is there, tilting his chin and whispering into his ear.
"It's okay, Lu Han. I just want you to look, just once." Minseok is murmuring, and Lu Han is so comforted by his voice, so in love with the one person who is safe, and he nods, a barely there gesture. "It'll help, okay baby?"
"Okay." Lu Han tries to say, but his voice cracks, and his body shakes. He can hear his breathing like a river in his ears, but Minseok is rubbing his hips, nuzzling his ear affectionately, and Lu Han is fine. He can do this. "Okay." Lu Han repeats the word, over and over, "Okay."
Minseok's voice sounds like bells, echoing off the walls of the apartment and the mirror, but it's reassuring, lovely, and Lu Han smiles at the sound of it, raising his head slightly to glance at Minseok. He looks so warm, so kind, so his and Lu Han feels confident. He can chase his demons away, he can look them dead in the eye and be strong.
Minseok squeezes his hand gently, a simple touch that says I love you. I believe in you. Minseok is here and Minseok loves him so much and Lu Han loves him too, so he finally raises his head, looks directly into the mirror.
What he sees makes his heart stop dead, and his eyes want to squeeze shut, but he can't close them, and he can't look away. The creature is there, the one that looks like him, and it's staring intently, too intently, eyes a bloody red, and Lu Han tries to turn away, tears forming in the corners of his eyes.
Minseok stops him, hand on his arm firm, holding Lu Han in place, and Lu Han trusts Minseok, trusts him with his life. He turns his head back, gritting his teeth and leaning on his boyfriend, on his soulmate for help, breathing as deeply as he can, though it comes out shallow and stilted.
He looks into the mirror again, but this time he focuses on Minseok. He focuses on how Minseok looks completely normal, flawless and incredible, and he smiles at the mirror, smiles into his future. Lu Han glances back at the thing that resembles him, and he's scared, so scared, but Minseok will always be here.
Minseok takes Lu Han's hand gingerly in his own, and tilts his head so that Lu Han faces him, looking into his eyes with such fondness and love that Lu Han can't help but feel protected.
"I still have to show you something." Minseok says, and Lu Han nods, ready to follow Minseok everywhere, to see what the world has for them past the shadows.
What he's not expecting is for Minseok to bring him close to the mirror, to put his hands up to the glass and into the glass, and Lu Han leaps back in fear, trying to wrench himself from Minseok's grasp, panting hard.
"Lu Han. You trust me right?" Minseok is patient, always patient, and Lu Han stops writhing, and he nods again, too afraid to speak. "Good. Now come."
Lu Han goes with Minseok willingly into the mirror, into the darkness and shadows and awful red that always coats the walls of the apartment. He goes with him all the way until they've reached the opposite wall of the mirror world apartment. It's darker here, and the walls seem to pulsate, dripping with liquid, and Lu Han swears he can hear the sound of piano being played, a soft light melody.
"I don't understand." Lu Han says, and his voice comes out backwards, words stumbling over each other, syllables sounding wrong. He glances at Minseok who's smiling, still gentle, still with all the love in the world. "Minseok why did you take me here how do you -"
Minseok puts a finger to his lips, effectively shushing him, and takes him over to the couch. Lu Han sits at the very edge, ready to bolt. The creatures are all here, wandering around but not watching like usual. Lu Han thinks maybe there's no need to watch when he's right here amongst them, no need to watch wait for him because he's finally arrived.
"Are you still scared?" Minseok murmurs, fingers tracing lightly over Lu Han's skin, soothing him and Lu Han nods. Yes, he's terrified. "Good."
Lu Han snaps his head up at Minseok's words, feels his throat go dry in his confusion. "What do you mean good.?" He stutters out, pushing himself away from Minseok and to the corner of the couch. "I don't understand."
"Good." Minseok repeats, moving closer to Lu Han and trailing a finger over the shell of his ear. It feels wrong now, something feels wrong, and Lu Han screams when Minseok pulls his hand back to reveal claws. The same claws that the other creatures have, the same glowing red eyes, and shadowy tendrils.
"M-Minseok?" Lu Han bursts into tears, scrambling off the couch and towards the mirror, but the mirror isn't there. The wall is empty, and the seeping red seems to taunt him as he sobs, pounding the hard surface. Minseok slides up beside him and wraps an arm around his waist, still smiling, still gentle. He turns Lu Han towards him, holds him close in a lover's embrace, reaching out a clawed hand and slicing Lu Han's neck in one swift motion.
Minseok watches, teeth gleaming as he kneels beside the dying boy, caresses his cheek. Lu Han's eyes are glassy, last breaths leaving him, and Minseok glances around his mirror world, eyes forming crescents at the way the shadows sing to him. He leans down to whisper one last thing in Lu Han's ear.
“Didn’t you always wonder why the shadows never came while I was home?”