(no subject)
saw this assignment as I was studying stuttering for my comprehensive exam. Wanted to record it here cause it's important for me . . .
January 25, 2007 (20 min) a situation of daily life selected by student
I have been going to counseling once a week since the beginning of last term. Talking about emotionally involved topics to a stranger, even with friends really, is very difficult for me. Intentionally seeking out and stirring up all the dark things that have happened to me is terrifying and exhausting. It's no wonder that I notice my stuttering increases dramatically on those nights after counseling. I spend an hour picking through and teasing apart, analyzing and cataloging, the things I'd much rather avoid. It leaves me tense, sad, discouraged, humiliated. I need time afterwards to smooth myself out. To comb all those things back into a semblance of order and containment. Last Thursday was particularly difficult. When I got home all I wanted to do was get in bed and hide from the world and myself. But I had already committed to joining some friends for dinner. My roommate had already taken the Max over, so I was grateful I didn't have to try to make light conversation with him alone in the car. But Jenn knew where I had been and knows how difficult it is sometimes. With the boys in the den playing with the computer, Jenn and I were free to talk while we made dinner. Nearly every sentence I started tripped over syllable repetitions. Many times I would get stuck on a sound part way through the sentence. This class has made me hyper-aware of my usually infrequent dis fluencies and I found myself noticing for the first time that I close my eyes and turn my head to the left during stuttering. That most of the time I stutter on function words (especially "its") and Wh-words. And this night I pulled them all out. But I am grateful for the friend I've found in Jenn. It's her response to me that night that is unusual and important to comment upon. She never smiled when I caught a repetition. She only seemed concerned that I was upset, rather than that I was stuttering. She could see that my dis fluencies were more a symptom of my emotional distress and worked to calm that. She sometimes rubbed my shoulder or back, she used a calm steady voice, she used supporting words. Her caring response and interest in my emotional wellbeing was heartening and important.
January 25, 2007 (20 min) a situation of daily life selected by student
I have been going to counseling once a week since the beginning of last term. Talking about emotionally involved topics to a stranger, even with friends really, is very difficult for me. Intentionally seeking out and stirring up all the dark things that have happened to me is terrifying and exhausting. It's no wonder that I notice my stuttering increases dramatically on those nights after counseling. I spend an hour picking through and teasing apart, analyzing and cataloging, the things I'd much rather avoid. It leaves me tense, sad, discouraged, humiliated. I need time afterwards to smooth myself out. To comb all those things back into a semblance of order and containment. Last Thursday was particularly difficult. When I got home all I wanted to do was get in bed and hide from the world and myself. But I had already committed to joining some friends for dinner. My roommate had already taken the Max over, so I was grateful I didn't have to try to make light conversation with him alone in the car. But Jenn knew where I had been and knows how difficult it is sometimes. With the boys in the den playing with the computer, Jenn and I were free to talk while we made dinner. Nearly every sentence I started tripped over syllable repetitions. Many times I would get stuck on a sound part way through the sentence. This class has made me hyper-aware of my usually infrequent dis fluencies and I found myself noticing for the first time that I close my eyes and turn my head to the left during stuttering. That most of the time I stutter on function words (especially "its") and Wh-words. And this night I pulled them all out. But I am grateful for the friend I've found in Jenn. It's her response to me that night that is unusual and important to comment upon. She never smiled when I caught a repetition. She only seemed concerned that I was upset, rather than that I was stuttering. She could see that my dis fluencies were more a symptom of my emotional distress and worked to calm that. She sometimes rubbed my shoulder or back, she used a calm steady voice, she used supporting words. Her caring response and interest in my emotional wellbeing was heartening and important.