(no subject)
There are just too many things to think about right now. The first thing, is how to get my fatass roommate to move out. Ok...second, just about everything else. And I have a headache, but that's my fault.
This morning I got chewed out and accused for things I didn't even do....and it turns out that I was right all along. But I got hung up on, and then what....an apology via a text message??? That's like leaving me a message on myspace to apologize. And frankly, either would piss me off. hardcore. This sort of just reaffirms my fears about things. I mean I was thinking about this the other day. I'm a person who needs to be communicating, and if he only talks to me on the phone for 20 minutes or less, that's not going to work with me. All of it now is about being able to talk and enjoy talking. Do we even do that? Part of me is afraid though. What if I stop holding on to something that isn't going to work? Then I'll for sure be alone. I for sure won't have someone there for me. I won't have someone who cares about me because of who I am. I'll be in a place that I had hoped to never be again, especially since this usually is accompanied by break downs and lots of being sad and crying at night when no one knows.
And it doesn't help that there really aren't that many guys that I'd like to make it a point to get to know. This school is full of jocks. Not completely. But there are a lot. There are also a lot of pretentious assholes. And computer nerds. And no in betweens.
I'm so far away from home. I'm far away from what is familiar.
I'm also sort of on edge. I'm not in the mood to take shit anymore. The next time my roommate fails to respect the fact that I need to sleep, I'm going to tell her. The next time her fucking boyfriend calls the room phone at 7 in the morning, I'm going to tell her to not let that happen again. The next time she's talking on the phone with the television on, I'm going to turn off the tv. She's not even watching it. The next time she chooses to bring in a bunch of girls that I hate because they're loud, annoying, and really stuck up/kiss asses....I'm going to ask her to take it somewhere else because I need to study slash sleep slash not kill people.
Sure this is a pointless ranting. But it's an issue of respect. And bottom line is, she doesn't respect the fact that it's not just her in here.
This morning I got chewed out and accused for things I didn't even do....and it turns out that I was right all along. But I got hung up on, and then what....an apology via a text message??? That's like leaving me a message on myspace to apologize. And frankly, either would piss me off. hardcore. This sort of just reaffirms my fears about things. I mean I was thinking about this the other day. I'm a person who needs to be communicating, and if he only talks to me on the phone for 20 minutes or less, that's not going to work with me. All of it now is about being able to talk and enjoy talking. Do we even do that? Part of me is afraid though. What if I stop holding on to something that isn't going to work? Then I'll for sure be alone. I for sure won't have someone there for me. I won't have someone who cares about me because of who I am. I'll be in a place that I had hoped to never be again, especially since this usually is accompanied by break downs and lots of being sad and crying at night when no one knows.
And it doesn't help that there really aren't that many guys that I'd like to make it a point to get to know. This school is full of jocks. Not completely. But there are a lot. There are also a lot of pretentious assholes. And computer nerds. And no in betweens.
I'm so far away from home. I'm far away from what is familiar.
I'm also sort of on edge. I'm not in the mood to take shit anymore. The next time my roommate fails to respect the fact that I need to sleep, I'm going to tell her. The next time her fucking boyfriend calls the room phone at 7 in the morning, I'm going to tell her to not let that happen again. The next time she's talking on the phone with the television on, I'm going to turn off the tv. She's not even watching it. The next time she chooses to bring in a bunch of girls that I hate because they're loud, annoying, and really stuck up/kiss asses....I'm going to ask her to take it somewhere else because I need to study slash sleep slash not kill people.
Sure this is a pointless ranting. But it's an issue of respect. And bottom line is, she doesn't respect the fact that it's not just her in here.