Me
I only forget this when things are too hard for too long and I think that forgetting this makes the hard stuff all the harder and maybe - just maybe I need to remember really who I am.
I am not cool or tough or strong. I am not beautiful. I am not wildly talented. I am not cynical or angry. I am not petty or mean. I am not sad or hopeless. I am not perfect and I am not broken.
I am child-like but I am no longer childish. I have the basics covered. My car is paid off, my house is halfway paid off, there is a small investment account and a job that I can depend on. I am responsible to myself. I know in all ways that matter I am a grown up.
Yet I have never been comfortable with that phrase. It seems past tense. Grown up= done, complete, finished.
I am not finished.
I look in the mirror and am surprised by the small lines I see, gray hair battling to spring free. I can never reconcile that with who I know I am. I don't look like me - to me. But - to me, for me - I don't feel like I should look like I did, ten, twenty years ago. I suppose the me - that me - that is me...doesn't look like anything.
I forget sometimes and get trapped into thinking that what the world sees.. is me when it just isn't. In fact, what we see is probably not anything close to what any of us really are.
So here are important things that make me- me.
I believe in love. In the all being, all ending love that lights the stars and lives deep in the hearts of most 15 year old girls. I believe in princesses and prince charmings and beasts that steal your heart. Love cannot fix everything but without it - "everything" wouldn't matter. Love is always. If everyone in the whole world sat and imagined all the love they could imagine that imagined amount wouldn't fill the smallest bit of what one heart could hold. Love may be the only infinity humans ever really feel.
I believe that it is reasonable and important to have ice cream cones even in the winter - especially if you can get one with sprinkles.
I believe that sometimes real life should be a musical. If all of us suddenly burst into song and dance and let our spirits soar beyond our regular lives that we would have more joy. People would be better to one another if we could have moments where we were over the top, silly and joyful. All together, teamwork and art - creating something together. Life should have moments where our thoughts, deep and not, are suddenly expressed through songs and dances. I think sometimes we all need a reminder that reality is what we make it and sometimes we make it way too serious.
I believe cats can teleport.
Any home without a substantial crayon collection is doing it wrong. I don't think that you are ever too old to throw sheets over the furniture to make forts. Especially, if you plan to take a book and a flashlight in when it is done.
Erector sets are waaay better than lincoln logs. But lincoln logs are still okay.
I think that love is a commitment and a gift and should be treasured.
It is okay to talk to your pets, cars, and plants.
Please and Thank You should never be rationed tightly but rather given out as often as you can. People in your life are all special and deserve this small acknowledgment for the things they do. Kind words are free and are only valuable when used.
Children should be given boundaries but not limitations.
The dictionary is an entirely good book to read.
Lying on the ground high up in a mountain forest and watching the stars is not something that you should wait until "later" to do.
A bubble bath is not complete until you gather a handful of suds and blow them into the air.
It is okay to cry with someone when they are hurting.
People judge other people on the stupidest things - Don't.
I believe that you don't have to like everyone but there is seldom a reason to be nasty to one another. If you find the exception don't be nasty - don't interact with the crazy - don't be mean or hurtful. Just be smart and love yourself enough to not join them in their sandbox. Find your own and build castles there.
It is ALWAYS more important to unabashedly give yourself over to your joys and pleasures. Let them effervesce and run down the sides of things. Swim in the joy and stop to feel every second of goodness when it comes to you. The world can be hard sometimes and those are the moments to scurry through and neglect. It take concentration to keep confetti in the air but you have to because on the ground it is nothing but trash. Kept in the air it is dazzling. I like dazzling better than trash.
Jim Henson may be the single biggest influence in how I turned out. I am entirely okay with this.
I miss my friends. So many of them have grown up now.
Mal Reynolds, Han Solo, and their ilk are what feeds my quest for yummy.
I think that flitting through town singing and giggling while being joined by more and more people would be the best present I could ever have. Jumping into the lake at the end or having fireworks go off would be good but optional. It is such a shame it seems to only happen in movies.
Balloons that are not big enough to ride in a basket attached to the underside are annoying.
Women are way too nasty to each other. We should stop that.
Unless they are being eaten together - there is no such thing as too much chocolate or too much cheese.
Curled up in the arms of someone I love is as close to heaven as I can imagine.
Late September still feels like the beginning of school and is exciting and full of possibilities.
Han shot first.
I don't think fairies and magic are real but I hope they are every day.
"Once upon a time" still makes me feel wonder.
Time and experiences with my friends and loved ones is better than any material object.
Doing things halfway is for cowards.
Sitting on the floor in my room, flanked by my cats and staring into the backyard is a good use of my time.
In short, I am not my pain. I am not my loneliness or my fear. I am silly, loving and full or wonder. I am all the love and joy I can imagine at any time.
And I have an excellent imagination.
I am not cool or tough or strong. I am not beautiful. I am not wildly talented. I am not cynical or angry. I am not petty or mean. I am not sad or hopeless. I am not perfect and I am not broken.
I am child-like but I am no longer childish. I have the basics covered. My car is paid off, my house is halfway paid off, there is a small investment account and a job that I can depend on. I am responsible to myself. I know in all ways that matter I am a grown up.
Yet I have never been comfortable with that phrase. It seems past tense. Grown up= done, complete, finished.
I am not finished.
I look in the mirror and am surprised by the small lines I see, gray hair battling to spring free. I can never reconcile that with who I know I am. I don't look like me - to me. But - to me, for me - I don't feel like I should look like I did, ten, twenty years ago. I suppose the me - that me - that is me...doesn't look like anything.
I forget sometimes and get trapped into thinking that what the world sees.. is me when it just isn't. In fact, what we see is probably not anything close to what any of us really are.
So here are important things that make me- me.
I believe in love. In the all being, all ending love that lights the stars and lives deep in the hearts of most 15 year old girls. I believe in princesses and prince charmings and beasts that steal your heart. Love cannot fix everything but without it - "everything" wouldn't matter. Love is always. If everyone in the whole world sat and imagined all the love they could imagine that imagined amount wouldn't fill the smallest bit of what one heart could hold. Love may be the only infinity humans ever really feel.
I believe that it is reasonable and important to have ice cream cones even in the winter - especially if you can get one with sprinkles.
I believe that sometimes real life should be a musical. If all of us suddenly burst into song and dance and let our spirits soar beyond our regular lives that we would have more joy. People would be better to one another if we could have moments where we were over the top, silly and joyful. All together, teamwork and art - creating something together. Life should have moments where our thoughts, deep and not, are suddenly expressed through songs and dances. I think sometimes we all need a reminder that reality is what we make it and sometimes we make it way too serious.
I believe cats can teleport.
Any home without a substantial crayon collection is doing it wrong. I don't think that you are ever too old to throw sheets over the furniture to make forts. Especially, if you plan to take a book and a flashlight in when it is done.
Erector sets are waaay better than lincoln logs. But lincoln logs are still okay.
I think that love is a commitment and a gift and should be treasured.
It is okay to talk to your pets, cars, and plants.
Please and Thank You should never be rationed tightly but rather given out as often as you can. People in your life are all special and deserve this small acknowledgment for the things they do. Kind words are free and are only valuable when used.
Children should be given boundaries but not limitations.
The dictionary is an entirely good book to read.
Lying on the ground high up in a mountain forest and watching the stars is not something that you should wait until "later" to do.
A bubble bath is not complete until you gather a handful of suds and blow them into the air.
It is okay to cry with someone when they are hurting.
People judge other people on the stupidest things - Don't.
I believe that you don't have to like everyone but there is seldom a reason to be nasty to one another. If you find the exception don't be nasty - don't interact with the crazy - don't be mean or hurtful. Just be smart and love yourself enough to not join them in their sandbox. Find your own and build castles there.
It is ALWAYS more important to unabashedly give yourself over to your joys and pleasures. Let them effervesce and run down the sides of things. Swim in the joy and stop to feel every second of goodness when it comes to you. The world can be hard sometimes and those are the moments to scurry through and neglect. It take concentration to keep confetti in the air but you have to because on the ground it is nothing but trash. Kept in the air it is dazzling. I like dazzling better than trash.
Jim Henson may be the single biggest influence in how I turned out. I am entirely okay with this.
I miss my friends. So many of them have grown up now.
Mal Reynolds, Han Solo, and their ilk are what feeds my quest for yummy.
I think that flitting through town singing and giggling while being joined by more and more people would be the best present I could ever have. Jumping into the lake at the end or having fireworks go off would be good but optional. It is such a shame it seems to only happen in movies.
Balloons that are not big enough to ride in a basket attached to the underside are annoying.
Women are way too nasty to each other. We should stop that.
Unless they are being eaten together - there is no such thing as too much chocolate or too much cheese.
Curled up in the arms of someone I love is as close to heaven as I can imagine.
Late September still feels like the beginning of school and is exciting and full of possibilities.
Han shot first.
I don't think fairies and magic are real but I hope they are every day.
"Once upon a time" still makes me feel wonder.
Time and experiences with my friends and loved ones is better than any material object.
Doing things halfway is for cowards.
Sitting on the floor in my room, flanked by my cats and staring into the backyard is a good use of my time.
In short, I am not my pain. I am not my loneliness or my fear. I am silly, loving and full or wonder. I am all the love and joy I can imagine at any time.
And I have an excellent imagination.