Belated Honesty Answers
Send more questions, please.
Will you ever get married again?
I have no idea but I don't think so. I suppose if something perfect comes along I'd have to consider it but really. I am liking the solitude, quiet and freedom.
In a perfect world, I would be a secondary to someone who has a good primary relationship. I do miss the contentment of being in a long term committed relationship but I don't think I am prepared to take someone on 24/7. I'd also rather settle down with something good and regular as playing the field has lost some of its allure. (go polyfi!)
Why did you get divorced?
I may never really understand that. You would have to ask Nathan. He needed to do some exploring and told me that I made things too easy. I have always figured he was unhappy with something that he could not articulate and was trying to spare my feelings as he could. I have surprisingly few ( just the two really) unflattering thoughts about him as he did his best to do right by me. He is a pretty good guy.
(name snipped) Are we still friends?
Granted we have grown apart over the years and life experiences but I have no reason to think we'd be anything other than that. There are individuals from that time (and the post divorce) that I want little or nothing to do with but would not count you in that group. I think you are pretty terrific and am very glad to hear when you are doing well.
paraphrasing What are all these health issues?
This one is long... I have always had serious allergies and asthma. Most people are familiar with those so I won't go into detail. (shrimp makes me die - that is the biggie) I have significant trouble tolerating smoke, most animals, and shellfish. Pollen, plants, most soaps, dust some perfumes, eggs, dairy products etc. cause lesser but still problematic issues
I had a long bout of vulvodynia - it lasted several years and has me still jumpy. Basically, your girl parts get all inflamed and irritated but there is no disease or infection. It feels like a peeling sunburn all the time. I couldn't use many soaps or detergents, had problems wearing underwear and jeans were out of the question. This required 6 cortisone shots to my internal clitoral hood, surrounding area and a local coven to clear up. I remain careful.
I started having migraines in college. My first requiring a trip to the hospital were i was introduces to demerol and was allowed to watch Next Gen on tv until they decided to knock me out. I have had serious crazy awful headaches since then - sometimes as often as twice a month. I have been to the ER at least 50 times if not more. BCP (birth control pills) are contraindicated for most migraine patients but with the vuvlodynia other contraceptives were not an option. Abstinence was also not so great an option since sex was one of the few things that might help. Any given headache would last between 5 hours and three days. At their peak, I would vomit every 15 - 20 minutes for hours at a time and have caused my stomach and throat to bleed more than once. The ex-hubster was incredibly good at handling these and I am still grateful.
I also had ovarian cysts - at the top of their game I had over 30 between the two ovaries many larger than a quarter. There was no where on the ovary for ovulation that did not cut through a cyst. This is painful.
Apparently so painful your body doesn't register it - you just pass out til it is over. BCP keep you from ovulating so they put me on these quite young. Again though - the could make the headaches worse
About three or four years ago my weight shot up, my hair started to fall out and my fingernails began to separate from my nailbed, my temperature dropping to about 95.8 (down from my norm of 97.8) and I became crazy cold all the time. My short term memory began to leak out of my head and I thought I was going to lose my mind. Turns out it was just my thyroid failing. I got lucky that my doctor caught it and we started treatment. Most all is back to normal but my memory will always have some holes and I don't recall things as quickly or as accurately as i used to. It also caused headaches. *yay*
We tested for food allergies too. Turns out I am sensitive to most all my favorites and must eat them a little more carefully. Not life threatening (except the shellfish thing) but still a giant pain. Because... get this... if you get hungry sometimes it can trigger a migraine. So I couldn't let myself get too hungry and my food choices were harder
Then the headaches became worse. There was constant pain for almost 5 months - but not full blown migraines. A billion tests later they determine that the nerves in my neck and head are irritated but they don't know why. I get a bunch of pills to reduce the swelling and irritation. I also get to see my brain scan in which there are tons of little lesions - basically small scars from all the headaches... Finally proof I was not faking it.
Thankfully, the pills mostly worked or else I would have had to have cortisone injections in my head, neck and maybe spine... I had them before and DO NOT WANT them again.
So I start to recover and am T- boned by an SUV that sends me to the ER in ambulance on a back board and injures my head and neck. (see the pattern?) That gets mostly dealt with and am recovering again.
By now I have aged some and the migraines are getting worse as is my asthma. The asthma meds raise your heartbeat. (I also have pvc's which is a relatively benign irregular heartbeat that tons of people have - but I can feel mine) However, not taking asthma meds probably means drowning in my own lungs. This adds some anxiety as you might guess. And with all that going on my blood pressure rises. At this point the doctors are really worried that more headstuff - with the high blood pressure will cause me to have a stroke. BCP are contraindicated in patients at risk for stroke. All of the adults that I know of in my family have had strokes and in most instances heart attacks. The risk seems untenable.
We go to the OBGYN and after running her tests they determine that pregnancy might cause me to stroke or bleed to death. The odds are not good. So we pull me off the pills and snip my tubes.
I am leaving out the description of my knee surgery and eye surgery - cuz those were about what you might think and are documented elsewhere.
I know I am leaving things out - and will do an update post on the headaches - there is some good news there.
overall - I am in a surprisingly good mood about it all.
Will you ever get married again?
I have no idea but I don't think so. I suppose if something perfect comes along I'd have to consider it but really. I am liking the solitude, quiet and freedom.
In a perfect world, I would be a secondary to someone who has a good primary relationship. I do miss the contentment of being in a long term committed relationship but I don't think I am prepared to take someone on 24/7. I'd also rather settle down with something good and regular as playing the field has lost some of its allure. (go polyfi!)
Why did you get divorced?
I may never really understand that. You would have to ask Nathan. He needed to do some exploring and told me that I made things too easy. I have always figured he was unhappy with something that he could not articulate and was trying to spare my feelings as he could. I have surprisingly few ( just the two really) unflattering thoughts about him as he did his best to do right by me. He is a pretty good guy.
(name snipped) Are we still friends?
Granted we have grown apart over the years and life experiences but I have no reason to think we'd be anything other than that. There are individuals from that time (and the post divorce) that I want little or nothing to do with but would not count you in that group. I think you are pretty terrific and am very glad to hear when you are doing well.
paraphrasing What are all these health issues?
This one is long... I have always had serious allergies and asthma. Most people are familiar with those so I won't go into detail. (shrimp makes me die - that is the biggie) I have significant trouble tolerating smoke, most animals, and shellfish. Pollen, plants, most soaps, dust some perfumes, eggs, dairy products etc. cause lesser but still problematic issues
I had a long bout of vulvodynia - it lasted several years and has me still jumpy. Basically, your girl parts get all inflamed and irritated but there is no disease or infection. It feels like a peeling sunburn all the time. I couldn't use many soaps or detergents, had problems wearing underwear and jeans were out of the question. This required 6 cortisone shots to my internal clitoral hood, surrounding area and a local coven to clear up. I remain careful.
I started having migraines in college. My first requiring a trip to the hospital were i was introduces to demerol and was allowed to watch Next Gen on tv until they decided to knock me out. I have had serious crazy awful headaches since then - sometimes as often as twice a month. I have been to the ER at least 50 times if not more. BCP (birth control pills) are contraindicated for most migraine patients but with the vuvlodynia other contraceptives were not an option. Abstinence was also not so great an option since sex was one of the few things that might help. Any given headache would last between 5 hours and three days. At their peak, I would vomit every 15 - 20 minutes for hours at a time and have caused my stomach and throat to bleed more than once. The ex-hubster was incredibly good at handling these and I am still grateful.
I also had ovarian cysts - at the top of their game I had over 30 between the two ovaries many larger than a quarter. There was no where on the ovary for ovulation that did not cut through a cyst. This is painful.
Apparently so painful your body doesn't register it - you just pass out til it is over. BCP keep you from ovulating so they put me on these quite young. Again though - the could make the headaches worse
About three or four years ago my weight shot up, my hair started to fall out and my fingernails began to separate from my nailbed, my temperature dropping to about 95.8 (down from my norm of 97.8) and I became crazy cold all the time. My short term memory began to leak out of my head and I thought I was going to lose my mind. Turns out it was just my thyroid failing. I got lucky that my doctor caught it and we started treatment. Most all is back to normal but my memory will always have some holes and I don't recall things as quickly or as accurately as i used to. It also caused headaches. *yay*
We tested for food allergies too. Turns out I am sensitive to most all my favorites and must eat them a little more carefully. Not life threatening (except the shellfish thing) but still a giant pain. Because... get this... if you get hungry sometimes it can trigger a migraine. So I couldn't let myself get too hungry and my food choices were harder
Then the headaches became worse. There was constant pain for almost 5 months - but not full blown migraines. A billion tests later they determine that the nerves in my neck and head are irritated but they don't know why. I get a bunch of pills to reduce the swelling and irritation. I also get to see my brain scan in which there are tons of little lesions - basically small scars from all the headaches... Finally proof I was not faking it.
Thankfully, the pills mostly worked or else I would have had to have cortisone injections in my head, neck and maybe spine... I had them before and DO NOT WANT them again.
So I start to recover and am T- boned by an SUV that sends me to the ER in ambulance on a back board and injures my head and neck. (see the pattern?) That gets mostly dealt with and am recovering again.
By now I have aged some and the migraines are getting worse as is my asthma. The asthma meds raise your heartbeat. (I also have pvc's which is a relatively benign irregular heartbeat that tons of people have - but I can feel mine) However, not taking asthma meds probably means drowning in my own lungs. This adds some anxiety as you might guess. And with all that going on my blood pressure rises. At this point the doctors are really worried that more headstuff - with the high blood pressure will cause me to have a stroke. BCP are contraindicated in patients at risk for stroke. All of the adults that I know of in my family have had strokes and in most instances heart attacks. The risk seems untenable.
We go to the OBGYN and after running her tests they determine that pregnancy might cause me to stroke or bleed to death. The odds are not good. So we pull me off the pills and snip my tubes.
I am leaving out the description of my knee surgery and eye surgery - cuz those were about what you might think and are documented elsewhere.
I know I am leaving things out - and will do an update post on the headaches - there is some good news there.
overall - I am in a surprisingly good mood about it all.